Use Your Mindset to Heal not Harm

Video Dated: Oct 02, 2021

All right, it looks like we are live, we're approved.

Let's just double check a couple of things, make sure everybody's popping on.

And I would love to hear from you, I would love to hear any questions that you guys have on this topic. I've gotten a couple of things already.

But it's not too late. Even if you're popping on to watch the replay, just know that I am wanting to make sure that this addresses your questions and your concerns. That's why I come on here, this isn't just for me to come on here and look great.

I really do want to bring you some answers and help you to see whatever it is that you might be dealing with struggling with, with your mindset, something that's bothering you that you feel like you've put in a lot of work, but it's just not getting clear. Those are areas that I want to address with you.

It's important to know that

we can get stuck, we don't think so we don't want to but we can get really stuck in believing a certain way. We've got things going on on a subconscious level. And if we don't handle it, it stays stuck. It doesn't just go away. There's something in life that helps us heal through it. And so today, we're actually talking about how our mindset can help us to create that healing. Our mindset can help us to create the process of moving through things. And number one, number one, number one, you have to remember that healing is a forever process. Now. Some of you might hear that and go, Oh, sauna, I want this to be done. And over. I've been working on this forever, I want to be done. I was one of those people.

I did training after training after training after training after training to get perfect enough that I would be that person that I was looking for. But I didn't realize it. My own mindset was creating pain. My own mindset was creating a hostility toward my own personal development. And so it's important that if that's going on for you, you're able to stop that, because that will actually create unintended harm. Now I'm going to give you a couple examples of folks who asked me some questions about this. And please do ask your questions. Good morning, Jackie. Good to see you. Beautiful. Please do ask any questions that come up. It may be a little bit delayed, or I may answer it off camera. But look, come back and look into your chats. And I want to thank those of you who popped on for clubhouse this morning. I'm going to be continuing to do that. Each Wednesday, I'm going to be joining my my coach, friend, Miriam and possibly Martha will be able to join. And we're just going to do intention for the day, we're going to read out of any type of inspirational book, whether it's reading out of the verses that we're doing with the daily declaration, or whether like before it was the Jesus Calling book. Before that was another book called crash the chatterbox. So it's anything that's moving us from negative thinking into a positive thinking a positive mindset. And it's not about the negative thinking it's bad. It's about let's take a look at it. Let's adjust it, shift it, reframe it, see what's needed. So we're cleaning it up and moving forward. If we don't clean it up, it's not going to go away. We're just pushing it down, we're de pressing it down, which often will have us feel D pressed. So when we're taking care of those things in our mindset, we're ending up taking care of our physical experience, our emotional experience, our habits, all of that stuff's taken care of. So that's where I come on here for each and every day, as well as now I have clubhouse Wednesday morning, we're meeting there 7am If you guys would like to join either on clubhouse or I'll be doing it through Facebook Live at the same time like I did today. Because I want to reach you guys, wherever you are. Whatever platform, you don't have to find a new one. Alright, I'm just excited because this was our third time on clubhouse route group. We are.

We're growing and developing and reaching reaching more people. And that's just wonderful.

Okay, so the couple of the questions that I had

is if I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety around COVID, I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety around my kids and their different ages. So some of them want to go to Disney and you know, do different things. And they're allowed to now and they do wear their masks and they're doing everything they need to but I feel terribly anxious and there are younger children in the home. And this is a foster mom. And so what we took a look at is the unintended harm that her current mindset is creating.

And what I also noticed and I'm going to notice it now

It creates a lot of pain, physical pain. So when you go into these things, when you go into the mindset and these habits and these thoughts and these emotions, I want you to notice what you're literally creating. So it's not there just yet, I could feel it starting in my throat here a tension, as I know where I'm headed in talking about anxiety.

Breathe it out.

Now, here's one way that I found with the breath work that I haven't seen anyone else do. So you might want to keep this in mind, and practicing it for yourself. So you're taking a nice deep breath, and you're gonna hold. And then as you're holding it, you're gonna deep breath in again. And I know that sounds kind of funny, but let's go ahead and practice it together. So, ready, nice, deep breath in.

And then another deep breath.

So it's just a little, and then hold

it as you're holding it, notice that it's stretching your chest, ah, I had to let it out because I was getting lightheaded.

But notice how it's stretching out your chest, notice how it's stretching yourself against notice how you may notice just the front, but it's also stretching the back of your chest where we might hold tension, it's also allowing release to happen in the shoulders, right? So

the unintended harm is the tension that's going to happen in this body. So I wanted to release any tension, I might have been doing clubhouse, and already talking and getting Facebook prepared. And all those things are already creating a natural tension of, we're gonna get this guy to get back gotta be on time. So it allows you to really notice and pay attention to what's happening with your body. So notice with we now as we talk about her story, and imagine your own.

So if I'm imagining about COVID, there, for me anyways is an underneath fear that may come up, you know, people are dying. Right? And as I say that to myself, I feel this wave of sadness, a wave of fear, which goes really fast from fear into anxiety.

Thoughts of could something happened to me, could I die? It then goes to the thoughts of the people I know who've struggled and were sick and made it and they were fine. And so there's, you know, contentment there. And then from the people who didn't make it,

and you could see where it's going, right? There's a sadness there, that fear gets bigger, the anxiety gets even bigger reinforced by this sadness.

And I want you to notice the biggest thing underneath that is a level of inadequacy. And why do I say that? Because we have this experience of I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. What if I make a mistake? What if somebody gets hurt because of that choice? What if, right? And so it's important to notice underneath what's going on and be able to jot those things down. And a lot of times people don't know how to do that. There's just this overwhelming a booth. I feel anxiety. Right. And then the body starts to tense up, I can feel it. Like I mentioned, I can feel it my throat, I can feel it in my my neck here. I can feel it in my shoulders, I can feel it into my head, I can I'm starting to feel it into my mid back.

I'm not noticing it in my legs, but it's likely to be there too, because our body works together. And so notice when you begin to think of these particular things, where are you feeling it in your body? Where are what are the thoughts? Where in your mind? Are you creating this? And it doesn't have to be Oh, like on the left side. But as you're creating it, it's like, yeah, I am creating this here. But what does that having me feel? And notice that you'll notice it feels in different places? What else is that having me think what other thought is that leading to? And I don't know if you have heard this on any of my others. But if you have, you'll remember that I've mentioned seven to nine bits of information. And past that we're overloaded. Our conscious mind can hold seven to nine bits of information. And those seven to nine bits of information usually means multiple pieces. So let's say I'm just picking up this highlighter, for instance, it could mean nothing, so I could just have the thought of and this is yellow. Okay. Or it could have the thought of oh, this is the highlighter This is the highlighter that I use when I'm always highlighting my clients notes so that way when I send it to them, I know what they I want them to look at. And yeah, so I need to keep this and not lose it. And I use this for my books note I lost this the other day I couldn't believe I lost this the other right so it could be just with a marker. You could have so many thoughts about one thing. And in our lives we're thinking about our families, which how many people is that and your family could even be just you right? But if that any one of these these people even just you

What are they eating? What are they thinking? How are they feeling? You know, and for me, if I'm also noticing how I'm feeling, am I tired as my body hurt, you know?

Right.

So we take a look at all the different things that pop up that creates a stress and overwhelm. So writing those things down can help you get out of your head. Now, you might not be like I want to write every day, I don't, I'm not a journaling kind of person. But if you do it once, you'll find that there's often a loop that it takes you through, you think a lot of the same things every day. There's actually they keep changing the numbers. But there's 1000s of thoughts that you have every day. And they say that half of those thoughts are thoughts you've already had. And about 60% of those thoughts are negative, criticizing, judgmental, putting yourself down, making you worry negative what is.

And so we get to change that mindset by becoming aware that we're doing it becoming aware of this information, becoming aware of any stress, becoming aware of any anger, any sadness, any of these emotions we talked about and what they need.

And when you do you remove the unintended harm, because you can go, oh, shoot, I didn't realize I was doing it. Now I can see what I'm doing. Okay, move that away. We don't need to do that shift, shift, shift, shift, shift, shift, shift, shift, and then take a look at what is it that you can do to help put yourself in a positive mindset. First off, taking care of the negative mindset is essential, not putting it away, not avoiding it, not eating it, not smoking it, not drinking it, not sexing it not anything away, not working it away, not working out, working it out. Like when we go work out, we try to work out, get rid of our problems, problems are just going to be late. And you know, they're going to be quiet for a little while. Because your mind is busy and focused on something else, you're distracted. And that's okay to do that if necessary. If it's too much, if it's always too much, that tells you that there's too many things you're not working on. So it's important to allow yourself to look at, Whoa, my mindset can help me and my mindset can hurt me. And literally guys, it can hurt you physically. So I mentioned to you what comes up when I talk about anxiety.

And you also began to see that that topic didn't just create fear, which created the heightened level of fear of anxiety, it created sadness, which then would throw me into grieving, because I'm thinking about the people who are sick who have died. And then and maybe unintentionally, I'm grieving my own life if I have a thought of what if I'm going to die? What if they go to Disney? And what if they come home? And what if we all catch COVID? And what if one of the kids dies, and it's so my fault.

Like, whoa, how painful your body just went through the experience of causing someone else to die. Guys, be careful. You have to be careful. Now I know these things are not known. And so that's why that's why I come on here. Because I want it to be known. It has to be known once it's known. You can shift it you can change it. Hey there, Dora. Good to see you. Beautiful. I'm glad that you're popping on and that you'll watch the replay.

Hey there Dr. Robot tie shout outs guys to Dr. Roman tie. He is awesome. He's a wonderful chiropractor also helps with losing weight. We work together in the weight loss program that I helped him to establish.

Oh my gosh, I can't think of the name all of a sudden.

That's terrible. I just blanked Well anyways, Dr. Bromwich, I can put the name on here, and you guys can take a look at his program.

I know it's

a anyways, it's a great program. He also has different tools and supports that can measure your body help you to see the outline of your body to see where the outline of the fatty tissues are. And, oh, it's so amazing. And there's scales that he has that also do different things to help you see where we're at. Like, say for instance, you have muscle tissues, you have water, weight, you have fat weight, you have bone mass, and it checks all of that. So you know, where if you're losing in a way that you don't want to like, are you losing your bone density? Are you losing your muscle density, then you're not losing in the right place. So that's really been good. Yeah, horses have been there. Yeah, forgetful minds, right are and I helped to create the program.

I can see it in my head. But it's just not it's not anyways.

So the idea is being able to use your mindset so like me, just forgetting I could go into there's something so wrong. I can't believe this might be well hello, I have it right here on my laptop. I looked down on it.

Be well, Orlando, B dash Well, oh my goodness, I made me sweat. So we can beat ourselves up and criticize ourselves and be in judgment about how we're not perfect. Or we can have fun with it. I've still learned to have fun with my memory because it's been. It's been rough ever since I was a kid. And I've had doctors say it's likely because of trauma. And I specifically know that during times of trauma I, I purposely forgot I remember doing that, right? I remember forgetting, because it was too much. And so if I just lived in the moment and forgot about what was happening yesterday, or what might happen later, I was always terrified. And so living in the moment and forgetting anything, just helped helped us survive. Unfortunately, sometimes when we create a habit, it's very hard to uncreate it. I've been working on that, and I've been getting better. The most important thing is be kind to yourself, when your mindset is off. Instead of wasting time or might know it's wasting time, but you really are. You're using your time intentionally meditating on judging yourself or criticizing yourself. I don't know why I do this all the time. I can't believe I did this that you did. And going on and on and on. Notice the time that you spend in doing that, that same amount of time that you could go, oh, shoot, I was doing that thing. Let me use these tools that I've learned. Let me redirect my thinking, let me help clean up what whatever needs to be cleaned up, what's this emotion telling me that I need? Oh, sadness is telling me that I'm telling myself something sad, and that I'm creating loss in my life.

Anger is telling me that something's unjust and unfair. And I need to fix that by setting boundaries with either someone else or myself.

Stress is telling me that I'm in overwhelm. And so a little bit of stress is good. But I'm far into stress. So let me jot down the things that I'm stressed about. So my mind can think these things instead of looping, looping, looping, right, frustration is telling me there's an area that I'm not working on, that I keep leaving depression is telling me that, that frustration has gotten so big that it's got to depress it down to give me a break. So if I knew these things, then when I started to feel them, I know what to do. Okay, so when I'm feeling depressed, now, this isn't if you're chemically depressed, like there's different hormones that are just dropping into your body, you know, and that's depressing you or that you're missing certain vitamins, because there's medication you're taking, or the food that you're eating isn't, you know, as containing of the nutrients as you need. Not talking about that. Those are things you also still need to look at. I'm talking about, if I am stressing myself out and worrying myself getting myself all worked up, and I just can't take it anymore. And I'm going to this place, my body says no, no.

So it might sound then like, whatever, I don't care, I don't give two craps, just leave me alone, get away, whatever I don't, I'm gonna go eat, I'm gonna go sleep, I'm going to go work. I'm not going home. We're not having sex. I'm not like shutting down. Right. And so it allows you to realize when you're getting into that space of depressed and it doesn't mean people are afraid to talk about depression, they think it means they want to commit suicide, they think it means that they're crying into their soup bowl, or their ice cream bowl every night, if they talk about it not so people are gonna think it doesn't mean that depress just means that the body is go allowing it to go down to relax some of the stuff that's going on, to calm you, which allows you to think a little bit better. It allows you to come at it now with a more neutral experience.

When we have this relationship with depression, that it means there's something wrong and something bad when we feel this emotion of depression. Instead of going you know what God gave me this what? What is it here to tell me?

Instead, we say things like, Oh, God, what's wrong with me? Do I need to get on medication? I can't tell anybody. This is so embarrassing. I feel so ashamed.

That in itself is such depressing, such sad thinking that it will make it worse, just well.

So when we know it and understand it, and we can work with it, then we're in a good space. And if there's traumas and things that you've experienced along the way, it's important to get therapy. It's important to get somebody or a pastor, or somebody that can actually help you now for some people that I've worked with, they got all the therapy, they got all the work, myself included, but I still felt stuck. I still felt in a negative mindset. I still felt not good enough. I still felt driven to perfection. And none of that helped.

That the mindset work did because I realized after I got the training around it, even though I've had years of personal development, years of psychology years of all this stuff, I didn't understand the

programming of are speaking into ourselves with our mind. Even telling myself, I can't control my thoughts. I can't control my emotions had me believe that it's not true guys, you are in full control of your thoughts. You're in full control of your emotions. Now.

I want to clarify that thoughts do pop up, right? A thought can pop up that you didn't go, oh, let me create that thought. Or it can come from the subconscious mind that you're totally unaware of. Right? So it's not like you said, Oh, let me create this thought of maybe, you know, running into this person for pissing me off and cutting me off and that kind of thing. But we are still creating it. We began it somewhere along the way. Now sometimes you also pick up energy from somebody else, or thought experiences from somebody else. And you're gonna be like, Whoa, I'm not mad about anything. Why am I thinking that? But I know my mom's totally pissed. Or, you know, I know my husband is like, so mad. Here. Your is the experience of being able to pick up others energy, and it can create thoughts. Now, this isn't anything that you hear all the time. And you might be like, well, that's woowoo or whatever. But think about it. You know, when somebody's mad, you can interpret what they're thinking and feeling doesn't mean you're right about it. But you might be. And so sometimes we can pick up other people's stuff. It's not ours. And that's okay. Either way, just notice that thoughts are something that we create, whether full on intentionally or unintentionally. And we can change that. I have the thought I want to go to the store. Oh, it's raining. Nope, I'm not going to the store now. Oh, I want to go buy this item. You know, I just saw some reviews about that. And they said this is chintzy. You know, it just changed my my thought on that.

I want to go out with that person. I really liked that person. They seem like they're a really fun person. You know, I just saw them treating that person that way. Oh, no, I'm changing what I believed about that person, because they see more evidence of something else.

So these are various ways that you can change your thinking. These are various ways you can become aware of how you might be harming yourself with an unhealthy mindset and belief systems and be patient with yourself. A lot of this stuff is on a subconscious level, are not aware of it yet. The only way to be aware of something that's this close to us. Is somebody out here going Hey, did you see that? Did you did you realize that?

But if we're like, No, I'm gonna do it myself. I don't need anybody's help, whatever.

How far are you gonna see?

You can't see far enough, right? You can't, it's not possible for most people.

I myself have to have coaches and have to have friends and have to have guidance and have to have therapists and at dirt certain times in my life. I just finished a one year program with my coach Catherine Yarborough. Right. I've worked with other coaches, Josh and

trying to think of her name Martha.

And her another beautiful girl. And a terrible this is memory I get to work with.

I know where to look, I can look her up and find her name, but I can't find it. And then there's other coaches that I've worked with as well. And the idea was like with Miriam and Martha, I work with them. Currently, they're friends of mine, it's important that you allow yourself to let someone else look at and that you can trust and that can be a neutral experience for you. So you can see those things where you might be creating unintended harm. And you can then see how you can reframe it. So if any of these things sound interesting to you, or helpful to you, or like I want that, you can find me my information. 954-657-3407 you can text me you can call me you can personal message me on any social media that you find. And if by chance you're messaging me, and you don't get me, you know, it just means that I'm really busy after this, I'm gonna go do my pull yoga for my exercise for the day. And then the day is gone, right. And I just did my clubhouse before this, and I'm doing this before this. So there's so many things that that I'm doing that it's not about me not wanting to reach you or give you a call back. It's just about me being busy. And some days that goes straight in a row. So do continue to reach out, you can bump it, there's this new thing. Now if somebody doesn't see your message, you just message again the word bump. And you can if they don't understand what that means. You could say hey, bumping the last message or did you see my last message

to what it takes to reach me? Because I want to make sure I help you reach your dreams, your goals, reach moving past these things that you might have done all this work and you still haven't been able to figure that out. You don't deserve to be in that struggle. Right?

You don't deserve to be stuck there. You're doing all this work. Let's get you to a place where you are like, Whoa, I am doing this and you reminding of yourself, that healing is a forever process, just like taking a shower and wiping your behind after you go to the bathroom. Or you don't go, Oh, I got to do it again. Well, even if you do, you still do it.

So remind yourself about healing. It's the exact same way. And I would love to hear from you. I'd love to hear how this has supported you. I'd love to hear how you're using these examples.

I'd love to hear how maybe you were helping yourself feel negative or feel anxious or feel sad or feel whatever. And now you realize, okay, that was just a feeling that was coming from that thinking. And now I can reframe it. And now I feel this way.

Yeah, you can do it. And let me know any areas where you feel stuck. You're not gonna just know how to do this because I gave you some advice, advice without steps on practicing it. It's just words. That's why I'm here to help you to do it and put it into practice. So you know how to do it into your future. And with things that come up, it alleviates your anxiety, it alleviates your sadness, it alleviates the inadequacy, it alleviates the perfectionism. It alleviates all of these things so you can have the health you deserve. You can have the mindset that brings you to a good place, you can have the relationships that you deserve, because you're communicating and connecting in different ways. Learning how to set boundaries, learning how to take on your life in a way that's like, wow, this is so cool. Like I had a mom and a son, both adults, they could not talk to each other. They were hostile with each other both from New York. And you know, New Yorkers can be really powerful in their conversations.

And within two sessions, they were talking to each other, again, respecting each other hearing each other they never had before. Never, this was their first time. And so that's just an example of what can happen. I have other clients where when they do this work, their body feels so much better. The stress, the anxiety, the the unhealthy eating the unhealthy responsiveness to other people, the unhealthy, emotional, reacting, all that good stuff. Because they knew what it all meant. They knew how to work with it. They knew how to reframe it, they knew how to understand their emotions, we also role played in practice how they would talk to other people how they might be coming across to other people. And in some instances, they would bring them into session, and they would roleplay together and I would help them so they wouldn't misunderstand each other, I would help them hear each other and listen to each other.

And a brand new relationship.

Now this isn't pie in the sky, I've also had clients who they needed to figure out if they were headed for divorce or not. And in some instances, it was better that way. And not that not that that's what I promote, I promote making, helping to make people work out. And sometimes working it out, finds out wow.

We don't fit. We do not like each other. We don't like much of anything about each other, even our past memories are built on lies.

Our connection was not a good connection, we were just in a space where that was all we knew what to do at the time, right. And so being able to look at that without judgment changes that mindset to a much better space. So I've helped people stay together. And I've helped people to be able to step apart, and to be able to feel good about it and support each other. Not you're not and not they have children, not bring those children into the middle of it, to be able to have their spiritual connection to be able to have that, you know, we weren't the best in relationship, but we're pretty good as people connecting with each other, or parenting or those kinds of things. And this also works within your own business. Because you are if you're an entrepreneur, you are your business. And so working on you affects changing your business, if you're working for somebody else, who you are allows you to step up into that career, or step up into being able to set boundaries with your coworkers or your boss. Or if you're the boss, the same thing with your employees or your your groups or your department. So this stuff works. So if it's something that you need, don't judge yourself, whatever, everybody needs that support. That's why you're good at what you do. And I'm good at what I do. I'm good at calling somebody to help me with what I don't do. And then they help me and then I pay them for their services. And we both feel great. And vice versa. Allow yourself to get the help and services that you need. Just like you're out there helping other people get the services they need. That's all it is no judgment on it. Mind health is the same as physical health. Spirit health is the same as mind health and physical health. We just have these old beliefs and old thoughts on a subconscious level that they're bad or wrong or not.

Got another weird, shake all that off like a shower watching over you. So now you have the new thoughts for new ideas of how you can take care of yourself. Doris says I love your examples. Thank you, darlin.

You guys, I love you being here. I honor you so much, so, so, so much for being here live and helping to add to the group helping to add to this training today, please do continue to share your thoughts, your ideas, what's going on for you, because I will continue to add them and make this more real each time. And this work is real work. These are real tools. This is real stuff you can take on today, right now, even as we're talking about, so don't blow it off. If you find that this works, share it with others, people do not know this information. It's not the norm that's out there. So get it out there, get it shared, invite people to the freedom from negative thinking group because there's this space of camaraderie there. Not everybody talks. A lot of folks in there are shy, but it's still a place where you can share your thoughts, share your successes, and answer questions and just have other people in similar situations or who are wanting similar support to support you. Alright, guys, thank you so much. And what do we do bring in

big squishy hugs.

Hmm.

Good stuff. Know that you're loved. Know that you're appreciated know that you are so Val,

know that you were created to be a creator. And now you're just learning how to create it. And a much better, ease filled peaceful way.

That's what you really deserve. All the judgment, not all the criticism, not all the self doubts.

Good stuff. All right, you guys. I'm off to my poor yoga. You take care of you. And then I have a client after that. So if you do ask me questions, just know. I'll be busy because then I have another client after that and a meeting after that. So today's a busy busy day, but I will have some time to answer you tomorrow. And again, know that your loved alright cool beans Ciao for now.