The 7 Most Common Relationship Problems & Creative Solutions

Video Dated: Dec. 03, 2021

All right, we are live happy Wednesday. How are you? I hope you're doing wonderful. I hope you also had a wonderful Thanksgiving. And you are ready today to take a look at relationships. And how are you doing in your relationship, being able to take a look at the there's a lot more than seven. But there's various things that come up in a relationship that can really be a downer, they can get us feeling mixed up frustrated, confused, and thinking maybe it's not going to work. And so the idea is to really talk about at least seven of the most common problems and give you some solutions for it. As well as let you know this Friday, I'm going to be doing a relationship workshop, you can found it find it on Eventbrite, you can text message me my information over here at 954-657-3407. And actually, you know what, I'll go ahead and include the link here for you. And the idea is to elaborate on this information. Because just because you learn a little bit, doesn't mean you really know how to implement it. And it really frustrates me when people give really good advice, but then they don't show you how. And that's my biggest thing, I want you to know how and I want you to be able to implement it and practice it. And being able to practice it together as well as practice it on your own. So if you want to come by yourself the first time, that's perfectly fine. If you want to come as a couple together, that's perfectly fine as well. So let me get you the link here. So you have it. And then you could take a look at it. Let me know if you have any questions, and then I will get you registered. That'll be exciting. Okay, and so it's December 3012. It's called revive your relationship Deep Dive. And your is the link Oh, no, that's edit.

Okay, here's the link. Alright, so you'll be able to see it there. Let me know if you have any questions. And we'll be able to implement everything that we're talking about today. And also, please share this information with other people for you, it might be common sense. But for other people being able to ask for help or get ideas, they might be thinking, Oh, I can't, it might be something they've never done before. So there's a whole slew of things that may be coming up for them that gets in their way to be able to actually think about getting this kind of support. But when you share it with them, they might go, I never even really thought about being able to do that. That's so cool. Thank you for sharing this with me. And so it's just something that we do, right. I also have my coaches and I also have a couples therapist that my husband and I are looking at working with, just because it helps us with communication and helps us with little sticky spots. And so that's perfectly fine. There's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with your relationship, unless you don't work on it, and you let it stay a problem. And then it's not so much that it's wrong. But you might not be able to create what you want to and then the relationship kind of languishes and you feel frustrated, and they feel frustrated. And then you're not creating what you want to create. So make sure you take a look at that, let me know what you think. And I'm also going to share this as well. over to my Facebook group, it's called freedom from negative thinking. And it's a really great group to be in because you can get the support that you need, you can get ideas, I also do support like this, I also put documents, I'll be putting more documents and support in there. And I do daily support as well. So take a look at it. It's called the Freedom From negative thinking. And you'll also see that I have shared over to that group. So you can take a look at all of that. Okay. So that is now shared as well. So hello, my freedom from negative thinking group. You guys are awesome. I love you. I love each of you for being here. Because you are taking on your lives. You're taking on the things that some people find uncomfortable and believe that they can't address. And so it's not true. These things are very easy to handle. It's just maybe you don't know how yet. Okay. So here we go. We're going to take a look at a few things. I'm going to give you some resources as well. This is going to be like a quick overview. So it'll just be little bits of information because this stuff takes takes time. So number one, realize that a big part of your relationship challenges is each of you individually, right? And so you might think, Oh, well it's all their fault, or they just don't listen or they just can't hear me or it's important that we take a look at what we can change What is going on for us? So for example

a big one that I get with my my relationship clients is they don't listen to me, I keep telling them what I'm thinking, I keep telling them what I need. And then when we actually break it down, and you're able to hear the perspective from one side, and then hear the perspective from the other side, they're actually not being as clear as they think they are. Now, they may being as clear as they can be. But the partner can't understand what they're asking. And they may be thinking, they're asking for what they need. But most of the time, they're not asking for what they need, they're assuming that the other person is supposed to get it. Like I already said, I don't like how the house looks. But they're not asking for I need you to help me with the laundry, I need you to put your clothes in the laundry basket I need you to and you know, fill in the blank. Now there may be some areas where the person has, you might be like, I've totally already told them everything that I need. And then it may be taking a look at how is your partner listening? And what may be a better way that we could ask for what we need that they're more receptive. So different people hear in different ways. And so when we're setting our boundaries and asking for what we need, if we're doing it in a tone, if we're doing it with frustration, if we wait until we're mad, or if sometimes spouses without meaning to can be very condescending, the other person is not going to be responsive. And you might not think about it until you're thinking about it going Oh, right. I wouldn't listen, anybody they said that to me either. So it just helps you to take a look at how are we communicating what's coming across? And so you can actually look at, how are you doing that? What are you saying? What are the words that you're using? And what's your partner's learning style and listening style. Now, sometimes guys, you're doing everything that you need to do, you're setting this up just perfectly. But there's something else going on, maybe you guys have not been listening to each other for some time. Or maybe you picked a partner who doesn't have very good listening skills, or very good communication skills. And so it's important to take a look at what can we work on on ourselves and set those boundaries and be able to ask our partner, hey, there's something missing, can we work on this. And so it's more about helping the relationship and it is about you're wrong, and you need to be fixed. So it's all in how we present things. And going into that, by the way, guys, you don't have to do this on your own, we have been brought up that we're supposed to handle everything, we're supposed to know how to do everything. Even as a business owner, you're supposed to know how to get it all together, you're supposed to know how to market you're supposed to know how to do the services, you're supposed to know, you're only one person, you're supposed to create love and affection and connection in your relationship. If there's a barrier to it, then it's okay to bring in support that can help work on the barrier. And the same thing goes, whenever I'm working with a couple, I don't just work with the couple, I then work with the individuals because they have their own stuff, which actually leads me to some of these other things. Number two, you've got to work on your trust. Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship where our trust is an issue. And if we already had trust issues, then we're going to have trouble trusting that person, even if they're the most trusting person or the trustworthy person. So it's important to take a look at that, because we can walk into a relationship with that and we can tear it up. Because we don't trust that other person. Now, here's another side to that. If you don't know how to set boundaries, and you haven't paid attention to, to protecting yourself and setting up boundaries for yourself, you may have picked a person who you can't trust. So it's important to take a look at what's going on. Is this somebody that you can't trust? Or is this somebody that you can trust, but you have trust issues. And so both of those things get to be taken a look at for that second level. So then the third and by the way, these are not in any particular order. The third is being able to take a look at where in your life or maybe you're not prioritizing your relationship. And I have to be honest, right with you guys, I'm always transparent. It's very difficult for me to be an entrepreneur and be married. Right? And I realized that and I'm working on that all the time I make an effort every single day. Okay, we got I got to make sure that I'm available for dinner, even if I'm a little late and I tried to not be late.

And it's a little difficult because my husband gets home right at five. And so other people's schedules are you know, so it's being able to work that out, lets your partner know I care about you. I do want to spend time with you. You're important to me. And so there's other areas to work on as well. Like I mentioned to you, we're looking for support and in some areas and so there's some areas that I'm just not that good at and I I've, I've tapped what I know. And so now I'm looking for better ideas and more ideas and, and other techniques and tactics to use that I can shift myself from gotta do this got to do this got to do it. No, no, no, you get to focus over here. And there was a long time where I was sick, and then he was sick. And then I was sick again. And, and so we just kind of got used to just being together. And so I need to get my affection back on right, and more than just a snuggling kind of thing. And, and also being able to take a look at when you're trying to prioritize your relationship, where are your challenges, right, just like I'm sharing with you. And I have couples that I work with where same thing, they're entrepreneurs, and that something that they're working on or prioritizing in their life is a problem. So it's going to spill over into their relationship and their parenting and things like that. So I'm sharing with you these examples, not to say that this is the only stuff going on, there's many things that can affect prioritizing a brand new baby, like I mentioned, somebody getting sick, COVID, right, things come up in life. So it's not about anything being wrong, like you're bad, or any of that it's about oh, how do I shift this, I could see this as a challenge in our relationship, and it's not working out, it's not helping us in this regard. So number four, we did talk about already, but focusing on it like it's a priority. So I actually wrote this list down, I'll make a copy of this list, and included in the comments for you. So you can take a look at it again. Or you can actually just type it into the comments if you like poor communication skills. That's part of setting boundaries, but there's more to it, being able to share with somebody, what is our, our, our desires for what we want for the day, what is our desires for what we want to do with our recreation? What are our desires for what we want to do with who our friends are going to be in who connecting with family and really letting the other person know what's going on? Right? What's going on in our thinking, what's going on in our feeling what's going on in these different things. Once that guy gonna turn the heat off. You're probably like you live in Florida, what do you have the heat on, but I have this little heater, because it's in the 50s today. So anyway, it's important that we share what we're thinking what we need, and what we feel, a lot of times, we just sort of get into a relationship with me and sort of assume and expect, you know, when I told them this, I figured they would get this out of that. Or I told him that and they gotta be real clear. Just like if you were working with somebody, you'd have you this is my agenda, this is my things I need to prioritize, these are the things we need to work on. This is what I want to accomplish in the three months to six months to nine months a year. Same thing in a relationship. Now, it may not be as structured. But let's say one person loves to travel and the other person doesn't, or one person wants kids and the other one doesn't. Ouch. And you may not have talked about these things before marriage, now I work with couples, before marriage, I work with couples after marriage. And unfortunately, I work with couples in the midst of wanting to get a divorce. Sometimes we're able to work on that relationship. And they're able to see oh, we don't want a divorce, we just want the problems to be resolved. Or we're able to take a look at things and go this is really not a healthy fit. And maybe it hasn't been a healthy fit to begin with. And then it's actually in their best interest to separate they decide. So my point in that is share, communicate, talk about those things. And it's okay again, to make sure that there's somebody there that could help. There's things I'm uncomfortable talking about. It's just about me, it's not about my husband, it's just about me, because of the way I grew up. And the way everything was just not talked about and hidden and made bad and wrong. So it helps me to be able to have someone help me express myself. Because I get all locked up and tongue tied. The same thing happens with clients of mine, one might be talking about and the other one might be we can't talk about they don't want to talk about that. That's just I just can't handle it. And so what I do then is I help to understand what's the emotions that you're going through? Where do you need that support? What's what's happening for you? What is pushing that button to have you feel that concerned are not able to hear your partner are not able to talk about this topic, those kinds of things. And like I said, I've got someone who helps me, right?

Because when we're in our stuff, the emotion is real high. It keeps you from being able to think or processes easily. So I can do it for someone else because my emotion is not in that my care is there. And my empathy is there. But the O is not there. Right? That's theirs, and so I can help them through it. But when I'm in the midst of it, I can't think I can't process as well as I can when I'm helping someone else. And so that's why it's okay and unhealthy and sometimes necessary to be able to get that support. And it could look like, you know, I've had a lot of clients to say I've worked with so many therapists, and I've not gotten the results that I want. And so I share with them what I've learned after years of therapy and years of personal development and years of education and years of spiritual development. And I'm like, Okay, so we're going to be forward focused, we're going to be taking a look at action action steps, we're going to have this planned out, we are going to take a look at cleaning up stuff that you've got in the way. And if there's anything that you need support with as far as like trauma, or really getting into the emotional aspect of things, then I'll work with with them consecutively with a therapist. But in most situations, they already have a therapist, and their therapist has referred them to me or this isn't really something that a therapist needs to work on, it's just them looking at their limitations looking at their their belief system, looking at what they made up to keep them safe, right to cope. And that safety is really what's harming them. And so when we're able to take a look at what are they got going on, on a subconscious level that they can't see, but their results in their life will help us to see what it is and I'm able to break it down for them, then they're able to go, Oh, I could totally see it. But it hasn't been broken down for them before. So they've got their eyes are covered to it, they've got these blinders on, they just see this way, they can't see past this yet. It's just what their eyes see your eyes see this, like I could see back as far as this, right? That's it. But if I decide, okay, so I'm going to allow myself to focus, I'm going to re retrain my subconscious mind to look back a little further and change my peripheral, because that's what I'm teaching it, guiding it supporting it, retraining it. Okay, and so now, as I'm looking at you, and go back to here, right. And so with this one, I can actually take that one back here. But even so I can't see past that, right. Even if I'm working on the best area that like I'm heading, I could take my limitations so far, I can't see behind me until I turn around. But then I can't see over here at you. So once you turn itself back on. So the idea someone else like a coach can see back here, we can see even further. So they can see you your partner, your situations, your family dynamic, they can see all of it as you're sharing it with them. And what I like to do is I like to work with, like, if there's a young adult who's having trouble speaking to their parents, they come into the session, right, and this is on Zoom. So they can come in from work. And the young adult can be in at home or at school. And here we go. And so we're able, both parties are able to see the whole picture for each other, as I'm helping them to see a brand new way of understanding information. And so you can do this exact same thing as your opening up that communication. And number five, which it goes hand in hand is poor listening skills. I have actually had to say to a parent. And this is not in blame or judgment or anything like that. It's just an amazement to me how we create a training process in our mind, and this is how we do it. And I'm listening or not. So grown adult son says something grown adult mom response. And, and the activity was share exactly what he said. But her response was in response to what he said, Well, he said that I'm doing this. No, no, that's not what he said, reply back exactly what he said. Well, he said, I'm doing this. So again, all she could hear was her interpretation. So then I said, Well, you and I will practice. I'm going to say something and I want you to tell me what I said. So I said something, she replied back. But that's not what I said. You're interpreting. And so what I want you to do is tell me exactly word for word what I said, and she couldn't, because she had interpreted it and responded and the only thing she could hang on to was her own response and her feelings about it. So then I said again, I'm going to repeat this. And I want you to repeat back to me what the word for word what you hear me say. And I had to do it two more times before her mind clicked.

And she was able to get it to listen in a new way. Because she hadn't done it, maybe ever. And so after that, I'm getting chills. They were able to hear each other in a brand new way. It changed the relationship. It changed their dynamics. And of course we continue to practice the tools. We continue to learn new tools. We continue to practice working on the challenges, but she can do it In a whole new way. It's just amazing work guys, it totally is number six, having correct expectations, so sometimes we can go into a relationship and expect that the other person is going to do this and be this. And, and basically uplift you and love all of the problems out of your life. And, you know, always take care of everything you can't take care of, or we might have an expectation that says, nobody's gonna look out for me, nobody's gonna take care of me, I have to do everything myself. And then you pick a partner that matches that, and is not there for you in any way. But you don't expect it of them either. So we can have expectations of somebody have too much. And we can have not enough, we can have too many expectations on ourselves or not enough, we could have super false expectations on ourselves to do everything. Or we can have expectations on ourselves that are too heavy, that we can do nothing. So it's really important that you pay attention to what expectations you have on yourself and your partner. And you may not be aware of them, you might just be aware of the problems that are happening. And you're like, you know, I don't want him to feel this way. But whenever I say what I need, he ends up feeling this way. So something's going on, on how you're saying it, and something's going on, on how they're hearing it. So both things need to be worked on. Sometimes you can just write it down and be able to read. Okay, so this is what I said, this is what I mean, this is, this is what you said, this is what you mean. So you can both see what you interpret. Okay, when you say this, I feel like this, because I think you're saying this, and I believe you're saying this about me, and they can jot it down and the two of you can read over it together. And that's just one simple way to do it. There's a lot of other ways, like actually practicing it together with a mediator kind of person to be a little walk you through it. And then number seven, if you have no flexibility, people who are very anxious, or feeling like they have to have control. This is not a fault of yours. This is the way you were able to cope when we need to feel in control, or we need to have rules or we're very rigid. It's because that's what we learned to stay safe. But unfortunately, that puts a lot of rules around another person. And so that then can stifle a relationship, it could also stifle you. Because you're not able to really move or feel like you're can relax in your life. Alright, so we're going to review over this, setting your boundaries, being able to share what you need, making sure that you work on your trust, trust with yourself. Or you might have a conversation that says men are blank and women are blank. It doesn't change with your husband or your wife. There's that underneath that subconscious if it's a core belief, it's a core belief period. Number three, you're making sure that you're prioritizing your relationship and various ways that you can do that loads of ways you can do that. And I've mentioned some of them. If you'd have more questions, just let me know, I can actually answer those questions next Wednesday, at 8:15am. Working on your communication skills, if you think you're great at communication, but you're not getting the results over there, and be open to the idea that you're not correct. And it's okay. It doesn't mean that there's anything bad or wrong, it just means there's areas you get to work on. That's it, right? That's it, the stuff where we feel like we're failing, and we're terrible, and we're not getting the results that we want. And all it says is that's where we get to do the work that's actually telling us, okay, cool. That's where we got to focus and get some more work and some more help and some more guidance and some more to be done. That's it. Number five, work on your listening skills. Listening skills are not the same as being able to hear what somebody said, I heard you. And I think this and I think that and I think that right? What did the person really say? Are they saying what they intend? Because if you feel reactive and angry, is that person trying to be unfair to you? Is that person trying to hurt you? In most cases, the answer's no. Because if you're in a loving relationship, you don't want to hurt them and they don't want to hurt you. Now, there are some situations where folks do not know what they're doing and saying and they're just being straight out hurtful.

Those are some red flags that need to get addressed. That's totally different than this. This is really about people just not having the proper skills. They're not intentionally trying to hurt you. They're not intentionally trying to say the wrong thing. They don't notice that differently. And so that's very different than somebody who's actually trying to manipulate or hurt you. So being able to listen, and how someone else listens. It's really important. Okay, number six Check out those expectations, super important, when you can have the proper expectations you both feel like you can breathe. And then lastly, that flows right into being able to have flexibility, flexibility around the way things should be, are supposed to be, or why are they not that, or you better do it like this. And it better tastes like this. And it better look like this. If we don't have that flexibility within ourselves to take care of ourselves, we already have a hot mess going on. But if we then put that onto a relationship, if you have all these things going on in your relationship, it can't work. If you have lack of boundaries, lack of trust, lack of prioritizing your relationship, lack of communication, lack of listening, lack of correct expectations, lack of flexibility. I don't know how you're even surviving that. So let yourself practice these things. You deserve it. Otherwise, it's going to be so painful and heavy. And relationships. Yes, they have their problems. And yes, they have things that you've got to work on and develop. But it's not meant to be so heavy and painful. It's not meant to hurt you. It's not meant to take you down, it's not meant to drain all of your life out of you. And if that's what's going on, call me. If that's what's going on, you've got to set up a breakthrough session today. If that's what's going on, you got to get in Friday's event immediately. All right. Oh, and it doesn't look like it posted. Let me go back to it and post it for you guys. Please share any questions that you have, you can share them here live on the comments, you can share them on, let's see my text message, which is 954-657-3407, you can also share them in the personal message. So whichever way you would like to do that, you just let me know. Because I want to make sure that I'm here for you here for your relationship. My whole thing is really about keeping relationships together, keeping families together. And if they can't stay together, it's really about creating connection that they can at least have that respect, they can at least have that love. And especially if children are involved, that it just is beautiful, right? And you need that you deserve that and so to your children, and if you don't have children, so does your inner being your inner child and their inner child, you do not need to tear yourself up or them tell them to tear themselves up. It's about staying cool. And helping yourself to heal. You learned what you were able to learn through that relationship. And being able to end sometimes it's the hardest, hardest thing, the hard stuff that helps you to grow. And so even being able to feel good about the hard stuff. And sometimes we can't do it on our own. So don't feel like you have to do this on your own. That's not the case at all. Okay, let's see here. I apologize for not having the link already ready. It's on the post just before this one. So if you take a look there, you'll actually be able to see it

as well. There we go. Okay. So I'm posting the link. You can take a look, it's going to be 12 o'clock on Friday.

You'll see it in the comments in just a second. It's in the live comments. It's a super long link. I had a little tiny URL, but I don't have my hands on it this second. So just go ahead. Hey, Maria. So good to see you. darlin. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. All right. So there it is. Now it's showing posted in in the comments. It's super long, I apologize. But you should just be able to click on it. All right, cool. Beans, and hearts to you guys, too. Thank you so much for being here today. I look forward to hearing your questions. And please do if you feel like you want to ask a question and you think oh, that's a stupid question. Or, oh, I shouldn't have that question. I should already know that. The only stupid question is the one you don't ask because then you can't get the information for and it just stays a question in your mind. And a question in your life. And obviously if you have that question, and it's important to you and you deserve to have the answer. So you take care of you know that your loved know that there's not going to be any perfect situation, you're not going to be perfect in your relationship, there's not going to be a perfect relationship. You're going to be perfectly you and the two of you are going to be perfectly you together. And you're going to be perfectly working it out the best ways that you can. So just acknowledge yourselves for that acknowledge yourself for doing the work. you so deserve it. Right? What do we always do bring it in because guys, you take care of you know that you're loved. And know that you've got this, it's just gonna take some work, right? Better to do the positive work than we do in the negative painful work. You don't need that you don't need to be in the pain and the struggle. There's no need. All right. You take care of you. I will see you Friday. If you're interested in the relationship event. Take a look at the link. Let me know any questions that you have. And I will be available. Ciao for now.