Taking the steps to forgive yourself

Video Dated: Feb 20, 2022

All right, good morning, Everybody, we are live. This is so awesome!

Yay, so good to see you. Oh my gosh, I love it. Okay, let's see here. So I'm sharing this into my groups so you guys can get the information, let's see.

Beautiful, okay, if you can hear me, if you could see me, let me know, I want to make sure you have this before we get started.

And those of you who are watching this from different platforms, I want you to take a look at Freedom from negative thinking. This is a group that I have. And there's really great folks in here, it's folks that are dealing with any kind of stress or anxiety, or negative thinking or different things that might be holding them back. We don't need it, right. And so why not have a tribe that understands where we are, why not have a space that feels really good, and is filled with other people that are just listening, and you don't have to talk. But you can, you don't have to support but you can. So it really gives that opportunity to feel good. So like, for instance, today, we're going to be adding to what we've already been talking about as far as like, with that self love and that self care. And that into me, I see with intimacy. So oftentimes we think of intimacy as the other person. When I talk to my clients about intimacy, they're like, oh, relationships, there's a, there's a first level of intimacy, where you are looking into you. So think of the word intimacy, into me, I see.

That's the first part of intimacy. And if we don't have that down, and we're missing a big aspect of love and connection, I've had clients have a beautiful relationship. But let's say something happens in the relationship or the other partner gets sick, and they fall apart. Because they feel as though the relationship is them, they identify with it so much, that they don't have their own individual being their own individual support, and ways to be able to have that deep level of intimacy. So instead of that person completing me, right, that person supports me, and that person adds to me. So it's really, really important that I've even had this conversation with my husband, if anything ever happened to either one of us, we would be sad. And we would have a lot of stuff to figure out and go through. But we both would be okay. Because we've learned how to have that intimacy and to be able to take care of ourselves. It is first and foremost. So I want to share a little bit more of that with you today. Because if we don't really have the understanding or have the steps, then we just have the concept and we can apply it. And the biggest thing that I do when I'm working with people is I help them learn how will great advice, but how do I do that? How do I do that in my life personally. And so this actually helps to be able to do that. Oh, thank you guys, for the hearts.

I appreciate that hearts back to you. Okay, so you can name these differently, but I wanted to have them so where there's something memorable, right? So ours, the three R's are the four R's. And so the way to think about it is like when something's going on, how can I take a look at this? What is it that I can take a look at and the biggest one is forgiveness. So what are those four R's of forgiveness now? First, before we even get started? If you think Forgiveness means Oh, it's okay. Never mind, everything's all right. No. That is not forgiveness. That's letting somebody write off whatever the issue is. Same with yourself. You don't want to tell yourself oh, well, I didn't mean it. That was just stupid, whatever. We're not really being able to take responsibility. And that's number one. Take responsibility for what's going on and that doesn't mean blame. That doesn't mean make you wrong. That doesn't mean hurt yourself. That doesn't mean Okay, now we got to be crucified for the rest of our lives does not mean that that's actually so so so unhealthy for you and you don't deserve that. So please don't practice that. What it means is taking a look and seeing Okay, so what did I do? What can I learn from it? And is there anything I need to clean up or Alright, so first of all, when we're taking a look, we're able to see, okay, I did this, what had me do that? What was I thinking? What was I practicing? What was I believing? And there's probably going to be some stuff to clean up, right? So you may not be able to see why. That's why I do the work that I do. Because if you're in a mindset, that you can only see this, you can't see everything else, it's blocked.

But as a coach, you can come in from the outside and see what's blocked, or that person. And so I'm able to do that as a hypnocoach, as an anxiety relief coach, as a couples coach, grief coach, I'm able to do that as I'm able to access these things and see, where's this belief blocking this person. So I was working with someone yesterday, and she's just like, Oh, I'm so stupid. I can't believe I did that I know better. And like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's get you out a beat up and shaming. What's going on here, and it was all about creating some self sabotage creating some pain, because that's what's familiar. Right? So let's take a look at that and work on that, instead of how stupid this was there. How ignorant or what made me do that? Or why did I on the surface. So instead of just seeing this, it's like, whoa, I'm so used to discomfort and pain that I just created that, that's so big.

And that gets you to the root, it helps you to clean it up. And I like to say I'm the mind trash lady, guys, you gotta get that mind trash out of there. Because you can smell the smell, but you can't find where it's at. You got these negative results in your life, but you can't figure out how to shift out of them, you know, the problems, right. And so it's being able to get a little bit more into it and be able to see things from a different perspective that you can't have. It's like trying to say, oh, I want to see inside the photo and you're in the photo, you can't, until you get a new way to be able to create that perspective in that view, then you can. So it's possible, it's just going to take some time and some practice and some understanding and some new skill building. That's it, you can get this. And that's where that responsibility comes in the first are taking that responsibility is not blame. It's not shame, it's not guilt.

It's being able to go, oh, okay, I've got to figure out how to get this mind trash out here, to being able to take responsibility to be able to do that. And sometimes again, you cannot find the mind trash, you can just smell it. So bring in a professional, my trash lady, and get that support that you need right. Now. The other is remorse. So here's the thing, we use the guilt and the shame and the blame to guilt the hell out of ourselves. How many times have you sat around and made yourself feel terrible for what you did? Terrible? That's because we're taught that that's the thing to do. What are you taught when you grow up? I can't believe you did that. That's just so bad. Oh, my gosh, you're a terrible person, or let's say it was different. 

Well, you shouldn't have done that you're going to be punished now. Right? So we are taught punishment, punishment, punishment, punishment, that was done in a way to teach us. However, we take that concept and we bring it into our lives, and we keep punishing ourselves. And it's so unhealthy. And if any of this was ringing true for you do share in the comments, because I want to address any questions that you have here. And if for whatever reason it doesn't show up, which sometimes it doesn't because of Facebook, I'll be sure to address it after and into next week's live on Wednesday. So make sure you put your comments there. Now, when you are guilting the bejesus out of yourself. I'd like for you to think of this term. I'm practicing negative abuse on myself. Verbal abuse, I'm shaming myself I'm blaming myself I'm whatever it is, I'm shooting on myself. If you allow yourself to get real clear on what you're doing, you can help yourself to stop guilt the emotion is there every single emotion you have is healthy God gave it to us for a reason.

Guilt is there to say hey, you've done something to somebody. And there's somebody could be you and you need to clean it up. That is what guilt is there for. It's not there for you to beat yourself up day after day. It's not there to make yourself sick and stress you out. It's there to say hey, what do we need to clean up? And you might not know you might or you might know what it is but you might not know how. And so again make sure you get that support that you need. Whether it's me the trash lady, right the mind trash lady getting out that mind trash and helping you get that mind clear and filled with ease and filled with knowing how, even if it's somebody else but get that support that you need. It's essential So when you're doing that, what happens then as you take care of that grief, or the remorse, leaves,

It's there to say, Hey, we gotta take care of this, okay? taken care of, alright? See you later. That's it, it's not there for you to beat yourself up. So if you have to go and apologize to somebody and help fix something and learn how to set boundaries, I can help you do that. If you need to sit with yourself and kind of clean up a mess that you've made in yourself and in your life, and how you're taking care of yourself. And we can do that. If it's a way and how you're treating your relationships or your business. And you've got to clean that up, we can do that. It's just little steps that maybe you don't know how to do yet. Or that maybe you know how to do it, but you don't know how to put it into practice.

That's it. So let's get that taken care of, because you don't need to have that sitting in your life, it's there to help you and then leave. And that's the third art. That's the repairing. So when you go to that person, and you set those boundaries, and you say, hey, when you did this, I thought and I felt like this, and this is what I really need. Tell me what you think, tell me what you need. And then that gets worked out. And then you guys are able to figure it out and talk through it. And believe me, it's not as easy as it sounds. I've had to work with my clients, they come on here on virtual just like you guys are, and we work it out. And I help them to hear each other. And I help them to hear themselves. Because sometimes they're really just thinking and talking interviewing and feeling it's been but they're not stopping and listening to what they're saying. And so sometimes it's to be able to stop and go, Whoa, hey, do you hear what you're saying there?

Do you see what that means to you and to them. So it takes practice. So this advice that I'm giving and these tools that I'm sharing, I'm not saying oh, we'll just go through it, saying, Hey, I'm here to help you do it. So you can help create that repairing in your relationship, in your business, with your children, with yourself, into me, I see. And that's what this month is all bout this month of February, and probably leading into March, because you guys are asking some really good questions, I'm going to be really into this intimacy piece into this forgiveness piece into really owning what it is that's going on. So you can take action into your life into your dreams into your goals and not have these limitations. You don't need them.

But you just haven't known how to move through them. This helps you with that. And then lastly, you want to check in. So it's basically doing inventory, right? Like in the store inventory runs out, you got to fill it back up, it runs out, you got to fill it back up. So the same thing happens in this situation, we don't just fix it once, we've got to repeat.

So we take the responsibility, we take a look at what the remorse is telling us we need to do, we repair the situation, and then we repeat, so it could be a repeat instantly. It could be as I'm talking to this person, they're not getting me. So let me go ahead and repeat that in a new way. And that's where you want to really learn to practice setting the boundaries and how to communicate. Because you might be like, Well, I knew what to say there. But I didn't know what to say there. And then it became another fight. Or then it became another thing where they hurt me. Or now I was trying to create forgiveness. And now I want to punch him in the nose. So handling this and repeating it is important. When I'm working with families, it's breaking through the concept of hey, it's just gonna take a little bit, you guys have had this practice, we're going to break the patterns of this practice cleaning up and create a new practice, that's going to be shifting the wheels of the machine, it's got to stop. And it's been going really fast, really fast, really fast, really fast. So we got to slow it down first stop it, clean up all the stuff that's junked it up, and then put in the new stuff that's gonna make it flow better, and actually get it reversed and going the other way.

So that's gonna take a little bit of time, there's some steps in there. And so it allows you to see, oh, I can do this. And it's not going to take as long as you think it's going to take a little bit of time. I have clients who get results very first, actually, all my clients get results the very first time we speak. So you'll begin to see that it's happening. It's just gonna take a little bit of practice. So please do keep in mind this forgiveness. You want to create this forgiveness with yourself if you have judgment and criticism, and I have to be perfect and I'm not good enough. And I should be this and I shouldn't be that and why am I not this and why am I not that you are creating consistent pain and consistent self abuse, you are hurting yourself. And it's really just a way of thinking. So don't beat yourself up. Like don't take this same practice and then say, Oh, well, yeah, see, I'm just like that. That's terrible. Don't do that. Do it with responsibility that says, Oh yeah, I do that donate and do like as a scientist or like if you're doing a science project, you're like, oh, look out why if I did that that happened, huh? removed a judgment out of it.

Remember the pain out of it, you don't need that. That's not going to help the process, it'll bog it down. That's where you get limited and stuck. So you're looking at it, you're taking responsibility removed of shame and guilt? Well, guilting, right, there's, there's, it's good to have a little bit of guilt because that adds to us going, ooh, that's not so good. I don't want to do that. Let me change that. To the beginning. emotion of guilt is healthy. But guilting is not healthy. Living in guilt is not healthy. So that remorse that guilt, that's healthy. Oh, okay. I don't want to do that. That hurts people that hurts myself. Oh, gotta change that. Changing it repairing it. Cool. Cool. Okay, cool. The Grief is the guilt is gone. Awesome, right? No more remorse, Feeling good. Feeling learned. Sweet. Repeat, practice. And allow yourself to do this. And as you do, you'll find that forgiving yourself and forgiving others, as you hold them accountable. As you set your boundaries, leaves you in peace. It leaves you in tranquility. It leaves you in healthy relationships. That leaves you and feeling strong and confident as well as them to because you're practicing this with them. So it lets you feel so so so good. And you deserve it.

Oh, Heidi. Yay. Thank you for the hearts. Beautiful. I love you guys. Please do put your comments here. Let me know how this is ringing true for you? Or if it's not, let me know how you can be applying it. Let me know. Anything. Any questions, even if this brings up another question, which could actually guide me with the next topic, I continue to go into topics where you guys asked me questions, or those of you who are joining the freedom from negative thinking Facebook group tell me you have areas you want to work on. So you guys are guiding this, continue to guide it, continue to support it. And I want you to know, I'm actually going to be starting to do some additional webinars. I'm going to be inviting you guys to but I'm going to record them. And I'll have them available on my website and different places.

So that way you can have these tools to keep coming back to because so many of you have said I really love this stuff. I want some more. Where can I get this. And I don't have that available, right or just have it here on Facebook. So I've never turned it into a product to sell to you. So I'll make sure that I have that. It's not something that I've done before. So I'm kind of figuring out the best way to do it. But I will do what I promised. Because when you asked me for something, I want to make sure you get it. Alright, you guys, do let me know your thoughts. Let me know your questions. I'm going to just double check here and see if there were any no just wonderful hearts. Thank you guys. But if you come on, hashtag replay. And if you have any questions, put that on there. So I want to acknowledge you guys, you're doing really good work by looking into this work. It makes a difference. It changes your mindset. And and then in changing your mindset, it changes your life. It changes your actions, it changes your relationships, changes everything. Good stuff.

All right, you take care of you have a beautifully blessed day, I know that your loved reading, big squishy hugs, and just sending prayers out to you guys for love and support for care helping you through. And my intention this week, and I'll share it with you is that God moves me out of the way. Like any limitations I may have that I'm not aware of it, that he kind of just washes that away with his supernatural strength and instead points me in the direction of his potential the potential that he sees not just the potential that I see. Because sometimes what we see is a smaller version of what could be possible. And a friend of mine mentioned that and I was like anyway you're right. And I've been focusing on that being my intention this week and however long so I wanted to share that with you so maybe you would like that intention for yourself and for this week. All right, you guys you take care know that you're loved and know that you're appreciated. And thank you for all that you do. Please share this with others because there are some people have no idea about this work. And instead they may judge themselves or be living in such like a negative thinking experience.

They don't deserve that. Alright, you guys, you take care of yourselves. For now