10 Long-term strategies for coping with anxiety
and panic attacks
Video Dated: Sept 29, 2022
All right, three, two, and one. We are live. All right, guys. Hello, Happy Wednesday. I hope you're doing all right in this storm. So the first thing I want to just do is just say a prayer over each and everybody. Thank you so much Lord that you've given us this day. And we can be safe, we can be prepared, that we can be there for each other and make sure each other is okay.
No matter what's going on, that you can fill our hearts with calm, and our bodies with relaxation. Because at this point, there is nothing that we can do except just relax, and allow ourselves to get through the weather. Thank you so much that you're able to help us do this. We love you.
All right, you guys. So those of you who don't know, if you are out of state or out of country, here in Florida, we are looking at a hurricane, Hurricane II and it just got through Cuba. And fortunately, I'm not hearing about any deaths or anything, there was damage. And I do my heart goes out to those who have had that damage. It's just a reminder, even for now, right?
For those of us who are on this topic about panic and anxiety, it's actually a perfect example of things that we can do to take care of ourselves during situations that can create panic and anxiety, right, this whole situation can push those buttons, even as I'm talking about, I can feel it coming up in my chest, we create that feeling right now there are some who they have a chemical experience.
And that's not what I'm talking about. Right? For that we actually have to have support through medication, we have to have support through what you know how we're taking care of our bodies, that's totally different. So I'm nottalking to somebody who, who has a chemical issue and saying, This is the only thing that can work, we also want to make sure we're being careful to handle what's going on medically as well. So that's in addition to that, if necessary.
For those of us like myself, who majority of what's going on is in my thinking. And because of my thinking my emotions are just off the charts. That's the specific. So if you have that chemical experience, make sure you're checking with your doctor and getting that taken care of. And if you have this anxiety due to like traumatic issues and things like that, you also want to make sure that you're working with your therapist, you want to have your medical team, these kinds of things are in addition to that, and holistic. So I'm going to share with you my story and the tools that have helped me as well as the same tools that I share with my clients.
So this is real life support. And also, I want to share with you that just because I'm giving you these tips and tools, doesn't mean it's the answer. When I'm working with my clients we have and myself, I have to practice this and practice this in practice this, I have to see what's in my way. And there are times I have my own coach, I have my own therapist. And I also have my husband and friends and things of people who point out stuff to me to call me on my crap.
We need that right. So number one, we need our crap callers. Those are our friends or family that are healthy. And if they're not, we don't need that, right. We need somebody to call out or BS when we're in our thinking, and we're creating our stuff that's going on that's making the issue even worse.
And we can have friends that we can do that with ourselves. And what I mean by that is we tell ourselves stories. And those stories can be very frightening. And we believe at a subconscious level that they're real. So if I'm telling myself that I'm going to get hurt by this hurricane, or something terrible is going to happen to somebody that I love, my body is going to go through the experience as though it's happening.
So number one, we have to be able to call out our stories. Right? And so number two, the second part of that is have our people to help us call it out when we're not aware of it. And so it could be our coaches, it could be our friends, it could be our family. But again, they need to be healthy. And I'm going to jot these down because I'm also going to create an infographic.
And so when we're able to do that we have our accountability partners, right? And so it's important that we're able to do that. And like I said, it could be friends, but we can also make sure that we get our therapist or coach, get that professional support that can guide you, right, so that would be your number three. So that's the supports of being able to take care of the story. Now there's other things that you want to pay attention to.
Sometimes we don't even know we're in our story. And so you can take a look at sparks hope dot life (sparkshope.life) slash (/) resources. Resource number two helps you to get very comfortable with your negative thinking. We think that our negative thing feeling as bad. So the moment that negative thinking starts, which throws us then into the anxious feelings, We're like, oh my gosh, this is bad, I shouldn't be thinking this, I can't believe I'm doing this, what's wrong with me, and then it builds and then it builds, and then it builds, and then the emotion builds, and then it keeps going through that process.
So if you will allow yourself to get very comfortable with your negative thinking, and you might be like, I don't know how to do that, well, this will help. If you take a look at that, you're going to be able to see that you take a piece of paper, you fold that piece of paper in half, you write down the negative thinking, and you become aware of what's going on. Now, some people can't do this on their own. And that's what I'm here for. Reach out to me, I offer a 15 minute breakthrough call to be able to walk through things like this with you, I do this work, because I've been through this work. And because they know that it works, as I've been working with my clients.
And so as you're doing this, you're able to see, okay, so my thinking is actually creating this experience. And so what is it that I'm thinking, when I have this thought, what emotion is it that I'm having? When I have this emotion? What does my body feel like? Where am I holding that tension? Does it feel like like, I feel sick to my stomach?
Does it feel like my throat is tightening, because I feel like I'm getting angry at work or with my partner? Does it feel like I can't even talk to my kids because they're driving me insane by the behavior that they're doing. And I'm thinking that I want to say something, but I don't want to say the wrong thing. And I don't want to use the wrong tone. And so it's just building off this anxiety, which leads us into this experience of I can't breathe and it feels like panic, right?
And panic can go, well, anxiety can go to a small amount or a large amount. And the larger it goes, that's when we then get to panic. Now sometimes we've practiced this so quickly, that we bypass anxiety straight into panic, right? And there were times when I would do that, too. There were times that something would frighten me so high, that there was no like, Oh, let me notice the anxiety.
It was just like, I can't breathe, I can't breathe, oh my gosh, I can't breathe, right. And so it's important to notice. And then there's some people where it's not just a fear, like oh my gosh, I can breed sometimes it's an anger as well. So it collides with more than one emotion. So then where you're going to go into so number four is that tool, right? That resource tool. Number five, is a second resource tool on the same page. So sparks hope dot, life slash resources. That second resource, that's the third resource.
It's called learning how to set boundaries without being an ass, or without being aggressive. And we oftentimes don't know how to set those boundaries, or to be able to say to ourselves, stop or calm things down, because we don't understand what the emotions mean. And so in that resource, you're going to be able to understand what the emotions mean. And so as you're able to do that, number six, understand that anxiety is coming from a level of fear.
People often don't understand that this experience that's building up, that's creating this experience of anxiety is about the fact that I don't feel safe in this moment. I feel like this is going to get worse, I feel like I don't know how to do this, I feel like Right. And you'll notice those things going on, which is creating the body going into fight or flight, which means it doesn't feel safe. Now some of us myself go into freeze or fawn mode, which is I either freeze and can't think about anything procrastination hits, shutdown hits, or fun meaning let me just do whatever to make everything okay, let me just try to make the situation okay.
And that's really how I felt growing up. I had to we had to live that way. for things to be safe. I wasn't thinking about safety, I was just like, I don't wanna get in trouble. I don't want to get hit, I don't want to, like, you know, be screamed at, I don't want to get some new punishment. I don't want this to go on for days, which you would do.
And so that whatever you want, whatever you need, and I would figure out how to please. And so it could look like any one of those four methods when you're in them. It's about creating safety. And so when we know that and understand that, then we can understand, oh my gosh, so when I feel this way on thinking this way, this anxiety is letting me know, I need to create safety, this panic that has gotten so very big. Because let me know that it started off as fear didn't feel safe.
That grew into this anxiety that grew into this panic. And now I just I'm fainting, right literally because I can't breathe, my body's shutting down. I can't think the anxiety or the blood pressures pumping into my head. And I can't even process kind of experience now everybody's experience is different. For some people, it's just they go flatline.
And they're like, I was feeling anxious and now I'm feeling nothing. So everybody's experience is totally different. Some people move from a little bit of anxiety, and they're okay there are some people, like I mentioned can hit panic in a second. So it's important to begin to notice and understand anxiety, panic, or stemming from fear. Fear says I need to be safe, and then creating a safety, you know, what's the next step of safety.
If I'm telling myself, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do, this isn't going right, it's gonna get even worse, this person is going to say this and say that and they're going to attack me, and I'm gonna attack them. And I'm getting so angry. And I'm just, you know, or, you know, for somebody else, it's like, I'm, I'm totally shutting down, I can't think of anything. Or now I'm like, I'm frustrated with everybody. Nobody wants to deal with me. Nobody likes me, everybody, I have no more friends anymore. Or I just don't want to go out. I don't want to deal with anybody, I can't even think about getting out of the house.
And so there's just all these different levels with all these different thoughts. And instead, it comes into Okay, so I know, this is what's going on with me. Now I understand safety, anxiety, fear, I understand that it needs that safety. And so then number seven, we bring safety into our body. And how do we do that? The central nervous system, the peripheral nervous, the whole system, right? The ANS, it's called the autonomic nervous system, everything is going. And so the way to do that is slow down our breathing.
And you might think breathing, whatever, practice it, you practice it, it'll work, I promise. Because what's happening is everything's tightening. Your blood vessels are tightening, your lungs are tightening, your throat is tightening, I could feel as I'm talking about it, even though I'm only practicing this as an as a sample with you. Good morning, Tony. I could feel my my eyes are like kind of bugging out. And I can feel my forehead is tightening. I'm not even like scrunching too bad. Or it doesn't even look too bad. But it's like I feel it right. So we're not breathing.
Automatically slows it down. Now, you may automatically also feel a little faint, because you weren't getting oxygen, and now you are, that's normal. So allow yourself to do that a couple of times. Now, if you're panting and like
breathing too deeply, maybe a little too much. So just breathe a little deeper, right? Automatically, your heartbeat is going to slow down, right. And as I'm doing that with you, I'm feeling a little faint, automatically going to happen. Let yourself sit down. Right. So number seven is breathing.
Number eight, sit, calm your body sit down. You want to sit down and get yourself relaxed. Sorry about that. I thought that was turned off. As you're calming down your body, you're helping yourself to calm down every aspect, you're helping your, your central, your peripheral, all of your autonomic nervous system, calm down, you're going from sympathetic mode into parasympathetic, you're going into what that means is you're going into like, into, you're telling your subconscious mind, you're safe.
Instead of there's a danger, you're letting all of your systems turn off instead of be on. Everything will calm down, you may actually feel a little exhausted. And that's okay. As you're doing this process, you're letting your body know You're safe. You're also switching off your mind from all of these scary stories into calming your mind and calming your body. Right. So share with me what this feels like, share with me what you're thinking, share with me how, if any, anytime you've ever had that anxiety, and you've had that panic, as you're thinking about practicing these steps, how they can help you.
I want to hear that from you. Because that has you process through any concerns and has you process through any challenges and as you process through, that's BS, that's not going to work. Right?
So I'm going to do this example again, but with another emotion, right? So I just want to walk this through number one, you're catching any stories that you're doing, right? And so I call them BS stories, but at the time, we may not know their BS, they feel real. So once you understand is a BS story. You can call it that because it's fun. But for now, let yourself just notice what's the story. I'm telling myself? What am I telling myself? What are the thoughts? jot those thoughts down? Right?
Then you're going to allow yourself to make sure you have a friend who can call you out on these things. And you do the same for them. Number three, make sure you have a professional person, right like myself, like a therapist, like a pastor, like a friend who understands these things. You don't want to ask somebody who doesn't know, if they're giving you advice that doesn't fit in, they don't know what you need. You want to ask somebody that when you ask them, you're like, oh, okay, that feels better, I can do that.
And that's why I'm giving you these tips. Because as you practice them, you will feel better. And you can do that. And even as you're going through them, you're like, I don't know, I don't know how to apply them, or I've tried them, then reach out to me, because there's something else that you want to step into. There's more in depth right now I'm giving you basics. There's more in depth, once I know your situation, and I know your story. Once I know what you've done and what you haven't done, then I can give you different suggestions.
Okay, so number four, I want you to go to sparks hope, hope dot life, forward slash resources. And when you're taking a look at that, you're going to look at number two, number two, is going to go over how you can get comfortable with those negative thoughts, writing them down how you can pay attention to what's the emotion with it, writing that down, how you can pay attention to where you feel it in your body, the more you can become aware of these things, the more changes you can make. This is about helping your subconscious mind understand what it's been doing.
So we can do something different. Right? Okay.
Then number five, you're going to at the same place sparks hope dot life, forward slash resources, you're going to look at number three, number three is going to help you to understand your emotions and what they need. Number two, and number three work together. So you'll be able to see. Now, I mentioned, they serve a lot of steps and a lot of information. And if you feel like you've tried it before, you might be like I can guarantee you, you haven't tried this stuff before.
Because I had to find this stuff in so many various ways and put together what worked for me. So I know you haven't tried this before, because this is what's worked for me. And so I had to put it together for myself.
So let me know and I can go over these things with you. Right, we can take a look at what you've done what you haven't done, we can take a look and help you create an action plan, we can take a look and see how you can apply this into your life and where because if you see these things going on, they're affecting you every guy's I know how this feels.
I know that last experience, I know I've even thought before, like I don't want to live, I don't want this to be here. I don't know how to do this. It's too much. I feel like I am not going to get through the next moment. And I've been able to shift through that. And that was years ago for me now.
And so now when I'm being able to do this work with you, I'm able to walk you through that without judgment. Without criticism, I'm able to be that number three for you. Okay, so number six, understanding the emotion. So for example, anxiety is a heightened level. There's various levels, you can be at different levels. And once it's at a heightened level, you're thrown into panic. And sometimes you might find that you totally skipped that.
Because you've been doing it for so long. Share with me how these things just apply in your life. And if you don't want to share it in the comments, that's fine. Share it with me in direct message. I want to hear from you. I'm not doing this stuff for myself, I'm doing this stuff because I want to make a difference for you. It does help me too.
Because when I'm making a difference for somebody else, it feels so good. To make sure, Anthony says yes, yes, he has dealt with that. He has felt that. And he's been doing this work. And he's been making these changes. And he can also now say, and he's given me permission to share his story.
Because he's also shared this. He can also now say, I felt that way. I felt like I couldn't live life. I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. And that was years ago. And so that's his testimony as well. And just like me, he also has anxiety come up, and he works on it.
And he's able to move through it. And he's able to help himself live into each day going, I want to be here, I want to make a difference. I want to I want to make my body healthy. I want to go out and talk to friends. I want to get some sun, I want to get out there.
And so I just I acknowledge you, Tony because you're doing that and you're making that happen and you're living into that each and every day. Making a difference for others. All right. So number seven, breath. Allow yourself your breath.
And a really good idea. It's called Box breathing. Now you can do it any particular way that works for you. But you can breathe in and hold it up for and breathe out and hold it up for you can if you feel like breath is difficult for you or like asthma or you're in panic mode and just try it for two. Because in that second you might be like so you're not even breathing it you know, holding it at all.
So 1-2-3, one, two, breathing in one to hold one, two, out. one, two, now that's still too fast, then you can go, 1-2-3 1-2-3 and 1-2-3 1-2-3-4, old 1-2-3-4. And so you can feel it building. And you can stop in between and just breathe regularly. And you'll just notice your heartbeat is slowing down. This is the way to slow down your heartbeat. You'll notice as your heartbeat slows down, your breathing slows down.
And I want you to allow yourself to notice where you're holding tension, just practicing anxiety with you has caused a lot of tension in my body. Because we practice anxiety, we don't realize we're doing it, we practice panic, we don't realize we're doing it. These are ways to help yourself to begin to realize, and I share these things with you, knowing that there's a part of you that's not going to be able to do this because I couldn't either, but I share it with you. So you can know there's hope that there's tools, but also know that you will need help to go through these processes to take it even deeper to really get these things going on in your life. Right? All right! number eight, sit and calm your body.
And then number nine, I want you to reframe everything that you were thinking. So the negative thinking that you were thinking I want you to instead replace it with what you need. So if my negative thinking is making me feel afraid, or making me feel anger, right, as you're getting used to what those emotions are, fear tells me I need to feel safe. So what do I need to do to feel safe? tell myself I'm safe. tell myself I'm okay. Tell myself, nobody's hurting me.
Tell myself I can breathe. I know what to do to calm myself down. And there's more things that we can do, guys, I just don't know your story yet. So we don't know how to tell you what the reframe story needs to be. Now, all of the things that you just practice will also help you to recreate a reframe story like, Okay, this is just based on my story.
I'm just telling myself this, I'm just getting myself scared. I'm going to breathe instead. or slow down my heartbeat. I'm going to call my body. I'm going to connect with my Hypno-Coach, right? I know Tammy's number: 954-657-3407, we're going to set up a session. I'm feeling calmer already. I know I've got a plan. Thank you for the hearts. I love those hearts keep giving them keep giving them. Facebook's loves the hearts too. They share this more with other people when we give more hearts.
And number 10. I want you to remind yourself, I am enough. So number 10 You're going to practice self love, and self acceptance. I am enough. I am lovable. And guys, depending on whatever your faith is, bring your faith into this piece. So it's like a it's like a double whammy number 10 is a double whammy.
Bringing in that self love that self acceptance, I was created to be a magnificent creation. I was created to make a difference. There is no imperfections in me, who I am created to be is amazing. Right? Now, there may be some things I've learned along the way that I get to clean up. But it's like I got dirty. getting dirty doesn't mean you're an imperfection.
It just means those things get to be cleaned up. I am perfectly me and I got to clean up some things that that I would like to clean up. I get to love on this person. I do this and I love me anyway, I do this and I'm perfectly me anyway. And that brings in that love it brings in that safety.
And let's say the same thing to give you an another example. So I mentioned number six is learning about the emotion. Right? So let's say anger tells us that something is unjust and unfair. Well, if I'm thinking that somebody's being unjust and unfair, then I get to address that unjust and unfairness. Right? All right, you guys, thank you so much for being here with me practice these 10 Thank you for the hearts. Tony.
Please share this guys. Share this all over your groups. Share this with people you don't know, Share this everywhere. So people are not left feeling they have to be in this anxiety and panic alone. Share and help them even if they feel like they've done everything. They haven't done this because if I haven't talked to them, they haven't done it because I created this.
And so I know they haven't done that yet. And these are all things that I've learned over the last 45 years I've been doing this work and I can say it's been that long because I've been doing this since I was born again. They had to. I had to learn how to deal with trauma from the very beginning.
To know that you can do it know that you're wonderful. Bring it in guys big squishy hugs, share this information. Let's get this stuff out. Let's help people nobody gets to feel lost. Nobody gets to feel left behind.
Nobody gets to be stuck in this experience and be thinking that they need to know that there's something wrong with them or that they need to just be thinking thoughts like I don't even need to wake up today. Let's get this to people. You have the answer?
Share it. I love you guys. Like it, all right, you guys take care. And if the storm is coming your way, just make sure you're taking care of yourself and do what you need to do so you can relax and just enjoy your time off or connect with other people. Make sure they're okay. And just love on yourself and love on them. All right, you guys, you take care. Ciao for now.