Stop Lying to Yourself Pt 2 - A Call for Action That Will Change Your Life & Stop the Self Betrayal

Video Dated: Sept 17, 2022

00:13
All right, looks like we are live. Hello, everybody. All right, let's see. Give me some hands up, give me some emojis. Give me a Heart. Let me know that you're here. Let me know if you have any questions. Say hello.
 
00:34
All right, I want to thank you guys so much for being here. And those of you who come back and watch the replays, your comments, your engagement, I just love you guys so much, I appreciate you. And I do hope that everything that I offer here to you weekly brings value to you. That is why I do this to bring you value for no other reason. And well, there are the other reasons I went through this work myself. 
 
And it makes me feel so good to share it. It makes me feel so good to see other people getting it and thriving from it. And stepping out of anxiety, stepping out of stress, stepping out of conflict, stepping into feeling so much better. Stepping into having a relaxed body stepping out of angst in your tummy and in your shoulders and in your back feeling where you were sick. That being gone. Right. So yeah, those are the reasons. 
 
01:28
There's more than one for families talking to each other for 30-year-old saying, my mother has never listened to me. And now they're going we can talk again. Or we can talk in ways that we never knew how, for a 50-year-old being able to say to me, I've never been able to talk to my mom like that. And I see her now is like just a person, I can have a relationship with my gosh, you guys. I can't do this work. Hearing those kinds of testimonials.
 
01:59
Hassan says it's changed his family changed his life, changed their connection, helping them to see how great they are together. And there's actually so much more of what's happened for their family and the changes that they've made. They've become a brilliant light for every aspect of the family. Right. And the great thing is they were brought on by their brother and sister.
 
02:25
Guys, this is stuff I'm in love with. And so yeah, okay, I lied. There's not just one reason why I do this work. There are all of those reasons. And so I just thank you so much for giving me your comments letting me know sharing your testimonials letting others know, helping me get this word out helping me share that this is not just a business, this is a movement, right? This is something that we get to get to people who don't realize they're having thoughts that say something like, why am I stuck with this thing? 
 
Why is this challenge here I can't move through? And whether it's affecting them in their relationship, or it's affecting their relationship with themselves, which is then affecting their career or their business or their children. We get to give them answers. There are the answers. And it's not just answers like here's the answer. Here's some good advice. 
 
There are step-by-step how to do it. There are blueprints, there are formulas, and there are duplicatable practices. And when you're helping me get the word out, it makes me want to cry from like being moved, not from sadness from like, oh my gosh, this is so cool. We're changing the world together. Because you're stepping in with me saying, yeah, I hope you do it.
 
03:27
So thank you so much for that. Honestly, we are helping in some cases, see our lives. Some of my clients said, you know, before this, I did not know why I wanted to be here. And now I do. Right. And for some of them that went very far. Like I don't want to be here to oh my gosh, I wouldn't want to be here.
 
04:02
And others so I had nothing else to live for. I was just miserable. I was depressed, I was unhappy. And I tried to do this work for dozens of years. And it never got me anywhere. And now they're like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling better. I'm thinking better, I'm doing better. 
 
My relationship is better. Or I didn't have a relationship and now I'm creating one and I'm not just creating an intimate relationship but I'm creating friends and my family and I are talking differently and that's just beautiful. It really is. 
 
04:35
So continue to help me get the word out and my request is to continue to give me feedback because guys if you've ever read The Five Love Languages, my love language is positive affirmations. So when you guys are sharing with me. Hey there Miss Maria hearts, hearts.
 
05:07
Oh darling, if you can share this also in my other groups, and in my Facebook group. I actually did this on my profile today. Because I want to get it to everybody. So yeah, thank you. Everybody says hello to Miss Maria. She is my virtual assistant, she helps me every day, and she works for me full time. And she gets the good parts of me and the grumpy parts of me.
 
05:19
Okay, so today, we're actually gonna be talking a bit more about what we did last week because a lot of you guys had some additional questions. And the idea is, that we can create a lot of self-sabotage a lot of self-betrayal that we don't mean to do. And unfortunately, when we're doing this, it creates. First of all, it's coming from our past, it's coming from a way for our subconscious mind to try to protect us. So first and foremost, just know that to be true, know that all of this stuff is happening to protect you. 
 
Now, you might be like, well, that's stupid. How is it protecting me, when I'm judging myself and criticizing myself and calling myself stupid, and telling myself I'm not good enough? Take a look at something, and fold it in half. I actually do it with you. I'm going to take your piece of paper, and I'm going to fold it in half. And on the left-hand side, you're going to put the negative thoughts.

06:08
And on the right-hand side, you're going to put the positive thoughts. Super simple. It looks just like this. And the idea, as you're doing this, you're going to write down what the negative thoughts so negative thought, I'm not good enough. It should be perfect. I can never get anything right. I'll always be alone. Or I'll always feel alone.
 
06:56
And these are just some thoughts that have come up with clients of mine. And honestly, they've been thoughts that I've had too. The problem is, that if we see these thoughts, we feel these thoughts. And we're just like, Oh, those are terrible thoughts. I don't have those thoughts. 
 
Let me pretend those thoughts aren't there. Let me focus instead on positive thoughts. I'm a good person, I'm wonderful. I'm doing great. We don't clean this up, we leave it there and try to ignore it. So the idea is you do right, those positive thoughts. But I don't want you to say I'm a good person if underneath you're not feeling. So if it's I'm not good enough? What's a positive for that? That's a truth that you can feel good.
 
07:19
There are lots of times when I am good enough. Right? What about that? There are lots of times when I am good enough. Now, you might say I don't feel that way. I don't ever feel like I'm good enough. Okay. Well, then what about times when you do feel good enough? Do you feel good enough? When you're helping somebody feel better? 
 
Do you feel good enough? When I don't say good enough? If you say I never feel good enough? Do you feel good? Or do you feel better? When you've made a difference for somebody? Do you feel better when? And then find out what's true for you? And then write that down? Right? Or what am I good at? Well, I am good at taking pictures, I am good at picking out outfits, I'm good at decorating, I'm good at and if it's a negative, I'm good at stealing, I'm good at lying. Write it down. 
 
Because although it's a negative, it's still a quality that you're good at. And the things that you're doing negatively can actually be used, right? Somebody who lies can actually be, we can actually work on that to take a look and go, well, what's causing that line? Right. And it's really just fear of maybe getting in trouble or fear of rejection. And once it shifted, lying is actually creative thinking in the mind.
 
09:02
And so we can use that creative thinking in a healthier direction. So write down what it is that you're good at. I am good at filling in the blank.
And that helps you go okay, well, I am good enough at that. I am good enough at that. And although you might go that is so weird to put down a negative about what I'm good at, right? Like, I'm good at smoking. Anything. We can take a look at that. When we say I'm good at something it reinforces you to Okay, yeah, I am good at something. 

 
09:17
Even if it's negative, then we take a look at that negative and go. Well, what comes along with smoking, going outside, being in nature, taking a break, giving yourself some time off helping yourself to relax practicing meditation? Right? So there's a lot in that stuff that you might not think about because you're busy in the critical aspect. So number one, we get to stop the criticism, and I just gave you a tool on how now knowing that information isn't going to walk you through the hell, right? 
 
10:00
I kind of did a little bit and you can get started on it. And I also if you go to my website, so I'm going to put up the link here for you, it is www dot sparks hope dot life slash resources (www.sparkshope.life/resources) Listen, I forgot that spell.
 
10:29
So it sparks with an "s" hope dot life forward slash resources and number two in that resource list, you're going to be able to see that activity I just shared with you. And so you'll be able to walk through it. Now the work that I do is I help you walk through it. So as you're doing it, you're like I don't know if I understand this, or I'm trying to apply it, it's just not quite working the way I would like it to. You're welcome, Maria.
 
10:56
It's, it's important that we have somebody that shows us how I'm the kind of learner that I have to have somebody show me how to do something, and then I get it, I might need them to show me how to do it a couple of times, and then I get it, this work that you're going to be doing is actually going to be contradicting everything you've believed and everything you've known all of your life.
 
11:19
So it's important that when we go to make a change, we practice, do it again, do it again, do it again, and do it again and do it again and do it again in a new way. Do it again with a new person and do it again in a new activity and do it again, around a new thought. And that thought and that thought, and that's why I do the work that I do. Because we can catch ourselves. That's exhausting what I just said. 
 
But when you have somebody else helping you to do it, they can catch you out what you missed that there, you missed that there, let's go back there and do that. And they show you and guide you, it doesn't have to all come from you. Much like when like football is out. Now, much like when you're watching football, and you're seeing the coach guiding and you from the TV can see stuff that the players can't see if you could be there, right, you're like, Wow, you were just listening to me.

12:04
The cool thing is when you're working with a coach, you are listening to them, they can see the bigger picture, they can help you see the things you can't just like if you could tell the player, the things that you can see that they can't, they would know how to do it differently. And so you would know how to do it differently, you'd be able to see the things you're missing. And the kind of personality that I am, I'm able to call out stuff, right, we can call out your crap. And it doesn't feel bad. When you're working with somebody else or with yourself. 

12:39
When you notice your crap you're like me, I mean, and you get tired of hearing yourself. It's like I don't want to hear it anymore. And the same with other people, they might be trying to help but they're not the neutral person they want for you. So better coming across in negative ways. Or maybe they just there's some old baggage, all that stuff's in there. 
 
So when you have somebody working with you, and that's the piece of the action plan, I wanted to share with you number, do that action, do that step, take a look at that blueprint that I shared with you follow that formula. And then also connect with me. I've got a program tomorrow. And I know that's the last minute, but I've actually been announcing it for weeks now. So even though it may be last minute, if you're just hearing about its not last minute that it's been coming up. And the cool thing is it's only for four sessions anyway. 
 
So you don't have to feel like oh my gosh, my whole life is dedicated to this. Just like this is just like a session, right? I would be breaking down the information, I'd be finding out what's going on, we'd be taking a look at it, we'd be applying it personally in your life, and you would have action steps on what to do going in. And then you would practice those and you'd come back and you'd let me know how it worked. You're going to find you know exactly what to do to accomplish the challenges in your life.
 
13:49
And I'm not just saying that to make it sound good. This is what's happening for my clients. This is what has happened to me. Right? Okay. So now what we're going to do, and I apologize if it feels like I'm just touching on these things a little bit, it's because I am, we can only go into little bits. So number two, you're going to be asking yourself, a lot of times we have trouble being wrong, right? I think I'm right. I think I'm right.
 
14:11
What if you are right, but what if there's another way to look at it? So what if you could ask yourself, what if? What if my way isn't the only way? What if my way might be wrong for everybody? It can't be right for everybody? Is it okay to think that and ask yourself? Well, what if I am wrong? What else could I learn? 

14:26
And you hear how I'm asking it? It's out of the question. It's out of possible. It's more like scientific, like oh if I did this, that would happen. What if I did this? Okay, well, let's try that and see what happens. There's no judgment there's no guilt. There's no shame there's no I'm doing this and I need to do this and I'm tired of that I'm not doing this, but I keep being stuck in this. Because there's something that you're right about like I have to do it this way. Or there's something that you're stuck with, like, I don't know how to do it any other way that's got you in that space. 
 
15:00
And so just allow yourself to be able to ask yourself the question, well, what if this isn't fell way? Or what if this is only one way? What other ways could there be, and it allows your mind to begin to open up, it allows your mind to connect to like, that wiser wisdom, that spiritual aspect of you that wiser wisdom to ask questions, that wiser wisdom to have a coach to be able to help you through things and realize I don't have to do it by myself, I can put some investment into myself and make this happen with their time or their money, whether being okay with touching on emotions, whether they're being okay with touching on my thoughts, whether they're being okay with whatever it is actually working into a relationship that I thought was a failure, or working into a relationship that I just, I can't stand the person, but you know, they're my parent. 
 
16:17
And so I need to, I want to make this change. But I can't stand the relationship that we have kind of thing. There are so many different variables to that. But when you allow yourself to go, what if there's another way I haven't tried yet? And so I'm ready to try that new way, you will find your voice, you will find your confidence, you will find that relationship doing better, no matter the other person, because you're going to be learning how to change your reaction, change your response, change how you're being able to perceive what that person is saying.
 
16:19
So you're not taking it the same way, you're not taking things personally, you're also learning how to ask for what you need. So you're no longer feeling alone, you're no longer feeling left out, you're no longer feeling like, I don't know how to reach my partner, I don't know how to reach my clients, I don't know how to reach my parents, I don't know how to reach my kids, I don't know, in whatever situation.
 
16:56
Because you're creating that relationship with you first, the rest begins to become really clear. Because you're understanding your own thoughts, your own emotions, and everyone else is out there are very similar. So once you begin to learn the roadmap, you begin to understand the roadmap that other people are on. Makes a lot of sense. Let me know if you have any questions. Let me know how this is hitting, let me know. Yeah, I could see how this could apply here in this way. Or I understand anything you're saying.

17:33
Whatever it is, let me know. So I can make sure to address it. Okay, number three, what you want to do is you want to recognize that there's enjoyment in the effort, a lot of us have trouble with feeling like it has to be perfect. It has to be this particular way. And if not, then you just can't do it. Right. And really what that's about is it's like fear of it having to look a certain way, or judgment of it having to look a certain way, or criticism of it having to look a certain way.
 
17:41
And that's fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, right fear of acceptance, all of that stuff going on in there. It also could be a fear of like, I don't want to hurt that person. And I feel like if I do that I might hurt them. You know. So there's, it's really about some underlying fear. So when you allow yourself to say, Okay, I am going to take on this new belief, I'm allowing myself to believe that mistakes are going to help me grow, mistakes are no longer going to get me punished as they did as a child, they're not going to get me spanked, they're not going to get me called out names.
 
18:19
They're not going to get whatever it is. And you all know, have help practicing. If I'm going to go and practice with somebody the same way I've been doing it and it always caused a problem, it's not going to get better. So it's important that you're not, you want to give yourself the whole picture. You don't just want to do positive affirmation stuff, like, okay, it's going to be better. I'm just going to enjoy the moment and practice the same stuff that doesn't work.
 
19:03
I'm going to enjoy the moment, I'm going to practice something I've never practiced before. I'm going to have help and know who I can go to talk to. So that way, if it doesn't work, I don't have to worry that it's not working. I know that I can take what's not working to my coach. And she can come back and say okay, so can you see that it's not working because of this?
 
And can you see it's not working because of that? And can you see it's not working because of this because what you're sharing with me is helping me to see the whole picture? And so you're seeing it yet through your filters, and I'm helping you to remove those filters. So then you're able to go, Whoa, there's another way to see it. Right. So it's important to give yourself the whole picture, not just these statements, the statements are good, but there's more to it. 
 
20:00
This is why I want to emphasize that number four, putting an end to self-doubt. Now, that's great advice, but I'm sure you already know that there's this step-by-step formula and a step-by-step practice on how now I'm not saying my way is the only way, there are many ways, and I'm going to guide you on many ways, right? So it's not about losers going away. But the biggest piece out of that is allowing yourself to do that activity I just shared with your number two, right? On that sparks hope dot life, forward slash resources, and also go to number three, those two resources are going to be very valuable in helping you stop this self-doubt.
 
20:14
Now, you'll see how I laid these out. And by the way, these are not my ideas, like I told you, I have done all of this work. And these are just ideas that I've learned along the way, I can't tell you exactly where I got them from. They're actually pieces of places where I've gotten them from. The third one actually comes from a book called The secret language of feelings, as well as a compilation of my thoughts on better verbiage that I would have liked to see. 
 
20:52
As well as how to be able to implement it into setting boundaries with yourself. So that way, you can take a look at that self-doubt and take a look at that self-doubt is there to guide you. What is this self-doubt telling me I need to do? What skill do I need? What coaching do I need? What support do I need, that's what self-doubt is telling you, I need to get this taken care of. 
 
So I don't mess that up. Right? Or there might be some self-doubt going on, that's putting you down and having you not feel good enough and, and all that's where we want to take care of that something different. And we take care of that in a different way. So it's important that you take a look at their steps to do it. You can't just say it and then fake it. No more self-doubt, I'm never gonna doubt myself again.
 
22:01
I just doubted that. No, seriously, I didn't doubt it. I know it, I know I'm going to doubt again. So it's important to help yourself, and be in the truth of things. Learn that your thoughts are guiding you, they're talking to you, it's part of your intuition. Your emotions are guiding you, it's part of your intuition. God gave you this stuff for a reason not to avoid it, not to go eat ice cream and get it away not to go cry it away, not to go sex it away, not to go stay super busy and work all the time not to go watch TV and get away from it not to play sound all the times you can never listen to your thoughts. 
 
22:36
Not to only think about it, when you're trying to go to sleep at night, so then you can't, it's to listen to it. So you can make changes in your life changes with your relationship starting with yourself, possibly changes in how you're about to create new relationships, you don't repeat the same stuff, again, changes in your relationship with your children or the children you're going to have. You're creating the change in you, which changes your parenting, who you're going to be a change in your relationship with your parents, so you can respond and hear things out differently versus through pain. 
 
22:59
And through stuff that's there from when you were younger. It's not your fault, but it's still there, it still has to get cleaned up, right? It's not our parent's fault, either. They've made all kinds of mistakes, they had all their self-doubt they had all their baggage and trauma and all that stuff. They didn't know how to do it any better than they did it. 
 
But it's still their responsibility to be able to go okay, you know, yep, I do. See I did that. Let me learn how to clean that up. So I can live in forgiveness for the last bit of years of my life. And I can have a better relationship with my kids, you can actually help them get that by sharing what's available.
 
23:40
And helping yourself do it first. Because what moves people when they're like, look at what you're doing. I didn't know that was possible. I want some of that. How do I find that out? Not by us going? Yeah, now you got some problems you need to change. I know something that could help. It's really important that we allow ourselves that space to grow. It removes that self-doubt. And then we can be that space to shine that light for others. All right.
 
24:18
Number five. Number five could be tough for some people. Like it was just sharing. We've been taught all of these ways to stay away from our emotions. We've been taught all these things. Which one's positive? Which one's negative? Well, this is the positive side this is the negative side. Now tell me this, which one is the bad side? Which one is the good side?
 
25:03
Trick question guys. It's a battery. There is no bad side. To put it doesn't work book. The ideas need to flow. It needs the positive and it needs the negative to flow. The same fact is true. A body just has emotions and thoughts and has experience. Positive and negative, not good and not bad. What if the negative emotions are good? 
 
What if the positive emotions are good? What if they're both there to tell you something, and you just haven't learned what they are yet? Now on that resource guide, sparks hope dot life, forward slash resources. Number three, you're going to find out what those negative emotions need to take a look at it. If you like this information, reach out to me and tell me, Hey, I got resource two, I got resource three, this is what I learned. 
 
25:40
Or I tried it, and I don't understand, or I got it, but I'm reading it and I don't get it. Whatever it is, let me know that you're interacting, let me know that you're looking it up. We don't even have to work together, it's going to help me to know that you're looking, it's going to help me to know that you're interested, it's going to help me to know whatever questions you have the additional information I can get you, it's going to help me to know to invite you here to my free Wednesdays, it's going to help me to know to invite you to my free Fridays.

26:16
So you don't have to work with me, this isn't about me getting you to work with me. This is about me getting you the information, you need to feel better to have that success to create the change in your relationship to create a change in that relationship with yourself. So you Dang it, get to find your voice, you get to speak up for yourself and feel good about feeling even more connected after speaking up for yourself versus less, you get to have that. And yes, this will help you get that this isn't just a bunch of mumbo jumbo, I'm not just telling you about it, I'm telling you how to do it. So you can see that it's real.
 
27:07
I really love you guys, I really appreciate you guys. I think that's what we're here for. I think we're here to love each other, we're here to support each other and guide each other and uplift each other. And that is totally my belief. I totally believe that to be 100%. True. And so that is what I'm here for. And I hope that is what you feel like you're getting from me. And that you continue to be in that that you continue to do that for yourself and for your life. And so again, I just want to remind you guys, I do have the program starting tomorrow, it's just like this, it's not scary or big, or it's just a matter of fact, we used to help you get your life on track. 
 
So let me know if this sounds of interest to you. And if you're like I really want to do that. But tomorrow is too quick. That's okay, I'm going to start another one. By the end of November, however, you don't have a specific date, don't have a specific group yet. And I know this group that I have right now is absolutely amazing. They are a group of people that want to work on themselves. 
 
27:49
There are a group of people who are open and engaging and they want to have other people to learn from and communicate with. My next group might be people who are brand new and have never done any personal work before. So if you're somebody who wants to work with other people who are, you know, really into personal development really into wanting to work on themselves, entrepreneurs who are like, I've already done some work, but I want to take this to a whole new level and jump on tomorrow. Don't let any excuses get in your way. We can let life stop us and hold us back. And believe me, I've done it. I'm 45. 
 
28:55
Now I may not look it but I'm 45. And in that time, I could tell you there have been various years that I wish I would have done this stuff sooner. Not that I wish it like oh, that's so bad. But if I had I could tell you I'm 40 now instead of doing the same thing today. However, now you can write you don't have to wait at all. You can start now. 

29:22
 
Your relationship deserves it. You with your relationship with yourself deserve it, your business or your career deserves it. Your family deserves it. So there's no reason to wait one more minute. Not to have that. Alright, you guys, what do we always do? Bring in. Big, big squishy hugs. Know that you're loved and appreciated. 
 
And you get to love and appreciate yourself in brand new ways. You get to speak up for yourself. You get to have the life that you deserve. So practice these tools that I shared with you. Get your game on guys. I'll talk to you later. You take care of yourselves and if you are already enrolled in the program. Oh yeah. So I want to announce congratulations drum roll to Norma to Lucia to Miriam to Brenda to Rebecca, to John to Buffy.

30:10
Congratulations, you guys I'm so looking forward to working with you and watching you grow. And I'm going to be sending out a welcome to you so you can actually post in the group, what your intention is, so we can make sure we measure that and that you accomplish that intention by week four. Bye, everybody.