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I will Not let People Walkthrough My Mind
with Their Dirty Feet

Video Dated: Oct 02, 2021

Alive through your mind leaving dirty feet. So the idea is we can have people in our life who are negative, not everybody knows how to be happy, not everybody knows how to have a good energy. And not everybody feels that way. They're going through their own journey in life. And it's okay, right. And it's also okay, that you don't have to bear the brunt of it. I like to call them sticky people, it's kind of like when something sticky, it just don't want to touch it.

And that's okay, right? There stuff does not need to become your stuff and should not become your stuff. So it's really important that you keep that in mind and give yourself an opportunity to take a look at how can I be around negative people and not let their negative Get me down. And I've got 10 items for you to be able to take a look at and practice, it's really essential that you're able to allow yourself to do that. So you can be free of other people's stuff. You can be friends with negative people, you don't have to take on negative stuff.

And I want to give a little bit of a note here, I'm not talking about abusive people. I'm not talking about verbally or physically abusive people, when I'm talking about this, if you've got that in your life, you want to find a therapist, you want to find somebody that can help you break out of that. Because that's not, that's not what I'm talking about at all. What I'm talking about is somebody who's kind of negative, or let's say it's somebody from up north, who, you know, they've been raised to be gruff. And they've been raised to be brutally honest. There's ways to set boundaries with those kinds of people. So that way, you're able to say, Hey, I get that your culture get, that's the way you were raised. But the way that tone is or the way you're speaking to me or the way the words that you're using, I feel this way, I think this way, when you do that, and I need you to do this, right, I need you to lower your tone, or I need you to understand how I'm feeling when you say that, or I need you to and you fill in the blank, you share what it is that you need. So that person becomes thoroughly aware of exactly what their their impact is. And so that gives you the opportunity to take a look, number one, look at the story you're making up about that person.

And about you. So you might have it like it's your job and your responsibility. If somebody's coming to you with an issue that you have to solve it.

Right? Take a look at that. A lot of us have that, especially if you're a healer, especially if you're a problem solver, especially if you're solution driven. You're automatically Good morning, Peter Picard,

You're automatically going to find yourself wanting to problem solve, wanting to help. And there's nothing wrong with that, per se. The problem is, is you're helping and they didn't ask for it. So you're actually forcing them to get help when they didn't say they needed it. Right. So it's essential that you will allow yourself to take a look at what are you making up about that person? Do you have it that? Oh, well, they shouldn't say it like that, or where they're saying wrong. And you know, I don't want them to feel stupid, or quite possibly you think they're stupid, right? Or you have judgment on the way they're doing something. So you want to take a look at what's your story about? I'm supposed to help. I'm supposed to fix this. You know, they're not supposed to say it like that. I'm supposed to make sure that they don't say it like that. So they don't look stupid out in the world, or whatever story you have, realize that you are taking on their stuff.

And I say it that way on purpose. We take on other people's stuff like it's our business, like it's our job. If they're not paying you to help them like my clients pay me to coach then it's none of our business. And even when I'm coaching I'll say to them, is this something that you're okay talking about? I see it's an issue that's there. Yeah, cool. Definitely. course that's what I'm here for. But if they're just a friend or a spouse, or a sibling, or just a parent or just, you know, somebody that you're connected with and they're venting to you pay attention to what story you're making up.

That is your number one, number one, number one, number one, that story will be what creates the rest of it.

So I'll give you an example. If I'm saying I need to help this person, every time they say something negative about themselves, I have to uplift them, then I'm taking on their self abuse, I'm taking on their problems. No, no, no, that's not the case at all. It's actually their job to help them figure that out. Now, it could be your job to say, hey, you know, when you say those negative things about yourself, I don't believe that. I know that's not true. And I feel frustrated, and I feel helpless. I feel hopeless. I can't do anything about it. So my request is that you don't talk about yourself like that when you're around me, because I don't want to feel helpless and hopeless.

And when you say those kinds of things about yourself, what do you need?

And they might say, well, I need reassurance, or I need for you to say it's not true, or whatever. Or they might go, Gosh, I don't, I don't need anything. That's just how I believe.

And then you could share with them about me.

You can share with them about how you know, a coach who helps relieve anxiety, who helps relieve negative thinking, who helps people take on their individual health, or their relationships or their parenting, or their communication skills, or their negative belief systems. That's not your responsibility. And so you can say to them, I do love you. And sure, sometimes I'll be uplifting with you, because I love you. But I just want you to know that it's draining to always be supportive of somebody who won't accept it.

If I'm saying to somebody, you're a good person, and they're saying, No, I'm not. If I'm saying to somebody,

You're really smart, no, I'm really stupid, that's draining and unhealthy. And so we could say to that other person that's draining and unhealthy for me, I know, that's where you're at. And I know that's what you're going through, so I get it.

But I can only handle so much of that. So instead, you could just say, Hey, I'm not feeling really good.

Let's take a look at something fun. Let's take a look at some positive affirmations together. Let's look at some jokes together, let's look at some things that create fun.

Instead of creating negative thinking, or creating that self sabotage conversation or creating self abuse.

So number one, you are noticing a negative story you have about them.

And number two, you're deciding what you can and cannot do to support them and letting them know, right? It's so important. If you don't let them no, then they just think you this whole time you thought it was your job. Now, now all of a sudden, you're changing it. You have to let them know what's going on. Like this whole time. It's been stressing me out. This whole time, I've been feeling still helpless. And they can't do anything. This whole time, I've been feeling worthless myself, because I can't help you. So instead, I realized this isn't my my thing to fix. This isn't my stuff. So when you feel that way, let's do and you could offer a new suggestion.

Now you're not telling them what to do. You're offering a suggestion, because that's what's going to help you no longer feel helpless and hopeless. This is what I can see will help me when I'm around you. And I want to stay being around you.

So it helps you to to be able to offer a suggestion not that you're giving them advice that they have to do it. But you're giving them a suggestion that they can and it will help you in the process. And that's what this part's about setting boundaries for yourself.

So you notice when I did that I was being respectful. So you're noticing your own story. You're noticing what you can help with, you're letting them know, and you're being respectful in the way that you're sharing what you need. And you're sharing what you need.

Now, if you're going to give them advice, ask permission. So let's say this isn't about you, you're not trying to help you you're not setting boundaries for you, you see that there's a problem and you have a total solution for it. Like hey, I've got a coach I can offer to you.

Hey, I've got a really great idea. Are you open to, you know, things that could help the situation that you're in? Or I've got some really good advice, or I have a story of how I fixed that for myself or I want about working on that. Would you like me to share it? And be okay if they say no. 

When people tell me no, it's like, Oh, it's okay. Right? It just means they're not ready. It just means they just want you to hear them. It just means that they need to vent and they don't want a solution just yet. Now, if by chance they're just somebody who nag nag nag, nag, nag, complain, complain, complain, bla bla bla too much, too much, too much too much. And you're just like, you're taking away all of my energy. I can't sit here and listen to this. Every time we talk, I just write in that's going on in your head. That's where you get to have that conversation I was talking about and be able to say to them,

I love you. And I want to hear what you have to say positive statements. So this is how we set boundaries, you say a positive statement, you share what is it that they're saying or doing that is the issue. So I love you, I care about you, I want to hang out with you. 

Each time we hang out, you're complaining, or you're upset about the same things over and over and over. Number three, how I feel or think I feel helpless to be able to help you. I feel like I have answers and you don't want them. I feel like it's giving me this experience or this feeling of inadequacy.

Or this feeling of I don't know how to help, which is part of it and adequacy. Or I feel afraid I feel afraid that this is going to be something that keeps happening and we won't be able to hang out. It'll just be too much for me. Now your friend maybe like right around, oh, I'm too much or oh, this or all that. redirect them. Right?

Yeah, it is too much emotionally. Not that you're too much. I still want to hang out with you. But when you go into this stuff, it's actually too much for me emotionally, because I want to help and I can't.

And so I don't mind hearing it. But when it's the same stuff all the time.

I know I can't help. And so then that feeling of helpless. And that feeling of hopeless is just too much. 

So what do you need? Right? How can we handle this together? My thought is, if it's too much, I'll just say hey, can we change the subject? Now? I'll listen to what you have to say. And then we can change the subject. But if it's something that you keep talking about, then I'll just say hey, can we change the subject? Or can we talk about something else? What do you think you think that will work? Do you have another idea?

So creating the boundary statement? So there's five in here?

Positive statement, telling them what they said or did. And you don't have to say, well, when you do this, or when you say that? It could be more like, you know, when we're talking about the same thing, and it's painful.

Number three, how I think I feel, I feel overwhelmed. I feel so sad. I feel helpless, I feel hopeless. I feel not good enough. I feel like I I need to run away. And I need to get away. It's more of a thought and feeling. But it's a bit of both, right? That's overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed. And I think I want to run, but I really don't want any of that. I need and you share what you need. That's number four.

I need for us to figure out something. So this can be better. Right? And you can offer suggestions. So here's my thoughts. What are your thoughts? What do you hear me say? Or how do you think that could work? Right. And so that's number five. Number five is what do you hear me saying? What are your ideas? How do you think we can improve this together?
And then the last thing is helping yourself and helping that other person, be able to enjoy your time together. Being able to have fun being able to relate about other things, and being able to if they're open, hey, I've got some resources that could help. I've got a coach who she does live recordings every Wednesday for free for people to answer questions for them. So share with her your story and she could give you some tools if you'd like. Now, they might be somebody who doesn't want any answers. So

It will have to mean and if they say, Well, I can't talk to you about stuff. Well, you can talk to me about stuff, but not the same stuff that you don't, if you don't want to answers for it, because then I can't help.

Right, I can listen. But if it's the same stuff all the time, and it's just going to be too heavy, because then I can't help you just want me to keep listening to pain. It's like eating your pain. And I can't, but if you want to hear me give you some thoughts or give you some advice or give you some reason, sources, then that will help me be able to help you, and God will feel better. Right? So you're going back and forth into the boundary statements of helping the person see what it is that they're saying and doing is the issue, not them.

And how you're feeling about it is the issue. Not that you don't want to be around them. And so when we're honest about how we feel, and we get comfortable with understanding how we feel I have so many clients who have never walked through their emotions and what they mean and how they're helping them. Instead, they've walked through situations where people are like, it's okay, don't cry, don't cry, it's okay. It's okay. Or, Hey, how are you gotta go.

We don't really stop and check in with what's going on with what our emotions are saying and need. So it's important to allow yourself to understand that process for yourself. So then you can share it with your friend or your family, or your sibling or your spouse. So even if they don't get it, you get to learn how to do this stuff. So then you can be able to speak properly to people versus just, I can't deal with it anymore. What just stop you unintentionally just attack them. Because they're only going to hear at that point.

Or all you ever do is complain. Or you're just like there's a negative person run
out the door.

So allow yourself to take a look at how you're doing what's this story you're making up? What are you telling yourself is your responsibility about this person? Is situation how people are communicating? What skill is it that you'd like to learn? What are you telling yourself? What you want to create over there? Are you telling yourself, are you catching yourself and being intentional about what you want to create? If I am always focused on I want to create communication, I want to create connection, I want to create uplifting, I want to create inspiration, I want to create helping people to know how much God loves them, Am I going to be like, you're just stupid.

You're just, you're just off the chat. You're just ridiculous, I can't handle you. Leave me alone, don't talk to me anymore. That is never going to happen.

I might be thinking it. And I might be wanting to say it. But if my intention is I want to create communication, I want to create communication, I want to help them to be on the same page as me, I want to be on the same page as them. I want them to know I love them. I want them to feel loved and inspired.

So that's how I have learned for myself. I remember at seven. Well, it was actually started at five. And then I remember it continuing until actually, I remember practicing it intentionally. That's seven, it became like a mantra, which is remember how much this hurts. Remember how much these curse words hurt. Remember how much this you know, you're stupid, and you're a bee and you're this and that remember how much that hurts?

And I did.

And so when I want to say something to somebody else, and I'm so mad, bring it to mind. I do not want to create wounds that all I can do is say I'm sorry. Because the wounds may stab over.

They were never needing to be there in the first.

So that is where I go every single time. What is it that I want to create? And when you're doing that, and you find that people have their dirty feet, you're able to set a boundary and say whoa, well, let's go clean our feet. Let's go walk and and take care of that. And so you're able to set that boundary for yourself, you're able to see that it's not your responsibility to take on other people bowling and face.

No, I want to speak the way I want to speak and I'm gonna be who I want to be and then allow yourself to set a limited amount of time with them. And you could let them know okay, I got it. But the way you speak and your tone. It's very hard. And that's just a lot for me emotionally. So I can only do a little bit of that. So, some ways that it works for me we can go to the movie, because we're having fun. We can go to a comedy

If we can play a game, that we're interacting with other people only in fun ways, we can watch a movie at home. That's super fun. But it's always keeping a light, fun energy. And so that allows you to be around that person and set boundaries for yourself and keeps things lighter and less of a burden holding on your heart. And again, they're still not walking through your mind with their dirty feet, you are taking care of you. And in turn, you are actually still taking care of them, by them being able to see oh, I can't do this to people, I certainly can't do this to this person. And it helps you to set your boundaries, it helps you to feel good, it helps you to be able to speak to that person. And it also helps you to realize if you can only spend a little bit of time because that's all you've got, then you're able to do that.

And you're able to help them see if they change their behavior you can spend more time with.

And you guys could look up things like dad jokes, right, those are pretty clean. You can look up certain and tell each other jokes, you know, even if they're just like, oh my gosh, that one's just like or whatever, just have fun with it. And it'll allow the both of you to raise your energy and raise your frequency from a negative place to a much more positive, supportive, having fun place. So I hope these things have helped you to be able to see that you can set boundaries for yourself by taking a look at what's the story you have about this person. What's the story you have about your responsibility and fixing and solving and what what is it that you're doing? Are you automatically giving advice? Or are you getting permission, and also being able to see the difference that you can set boundaries for yourself, which in a way is giving some advice, but it's more so this is what I need for me? What do you think? So it gets you on the same page, it lets them come to an agreement with understanding, then you're also taking a look at what are those boundaries, those five sentences, those five statements you're stepping into, to be able to do that, to keep respect, as you're setting boundaries, as you're creating communication, as you're creating that experience of I can listen, but I can only listen to so much because it's heavy.

And when you help to share how you feel. It helps the other person and to feel you. So not just thinking and saying what you think, but also sharing what you feel. So I hope each one of these steps have has helped you step into seeing how you can really see what's going on helping you to see how you can listen to the person and kind of hear underneath what they're saying. And kind of ask them back. So were you saying this? Do you mean this? What does that mean? How does that relate to this really getting in there with them? So you're shifting them out of complaint complaint, playing to thinking and asking questions and being involved in their story.

So let me know how this works. Let me know as you apply this what you find yourself getting more out of relationships, or if you try it and then their responses a certain way and didn't feel like it worked out well share with me. What's their response? Share with me? What's your question? Share with me, you know, what's another? Okay, I tried this. And this is another way I could try. So share each one of those things with me and we can kind of brainstorm and powwow. So I'll be here live next Wednesday, 815 Eastern time. So allow yourself to notice that they're going through this process. If there's anything you're just like, that comes up for you as well. Or if there's any other topics.

Any other questions, I love to make this more personal for you. And as you guys know, you can reach me here 954-657-3407 I love to help people get through any negative thinking I have a 12 session program program that helps people really break through that negative thinking, really break through the negative beliefs that have them tied down. And we also take a look at what are they thinking on a conscious level? And what are the beliefs underneath at a subconscious level. And I'm able to help them become aware of that based on the results they have in their life. And so then we're able to get to their goals, we're able to get to their dreams, where maybe they haven't even been able to dream because all they have felt is just heavy.

And I also work with people who just have some things that they're stuck with. Maybe they're stuck with something that's got them blocked in their relationships, or it's got them blocked in their professional life with their business or their career. Or maybe it's got them blocked through parenting or self care. Share this information with people. There are so many people who do not know about these tools and resources to be able to step out of it. And there's so many people who have done therapy and they've done different programs and they're like whatever, Done, nothing worked. I didn't know about this, it works. I've done a lot of therapy. And I did a lot of personal development. And it didn't work the way I needed it to work, I still felt the negative emotions, I still feel the negative about myself, I still felt the fears and the doubts and the not good enough. No matter what I did, it didn't help until I learned how to do this work. And I promise you it works. Now for some people, it works like No, no more problems, I've got this. And they're positive, positive, positive, and they're just on it. And then for some people, like myself, I have to admit, I'm always transparent with you guys. It's something I have to work on every day. Right? It's something that they get of thinking comes on, or a negative energy comes on.

And oftentimes, it's like a chemical experience. And I have to work with it. And I have to help myself get back to a really good place. And now it only takes a few minutes, we're in the past it would take takes sometimes months. Not good, right? Especially there was this pattern, I noticed like every month I would just hit bam, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, super heavy, like, like, need to talk to a therapist kind of heavy. But now I understand what was going on there. I understand how to implement these tools, I understand how to look at things on a subconscious level, I understand all the not good enough thinking I was going through, I understand the subconscious belief systems that I had going on, and then come up.

And it for me it was tied to a lot of abuse. It was tied to a lot of physical abuse, verbal abuse, that was the biggest one for me. And then later in life, also tied to sexual abuse. There was this chemical experience in my body that always had me feeling depressed. And yep, even suicidal ideation. But I understand no thought it's just a thought. It doesn't need to have action behind it. And thoughts that I do want to have action behind. Now I bring in my thought understanding my emotional understanding. And so it creates a new motivation that I didn't have before. So I just wanted to share those things with you because there's a lot of people that are struggling and they don't know this information is available. So please share it with them. Please, please please share it with I came on here free on Wednesdays and I bless you guys with this stuff. You blessed me with questions. You blessed me with interacting, you blessed me with hashtag replay and what you get from it.

Please do share, ask me questions, let me know. You'll also be able to see that I have free resources. I'm actually going to post something here in the group. Freedom from negative thinking, join our freedom from negative thinking group and you'll see there's different postings there's different support different questions that come about, get that support. Why not? It's available?

All right, you guys I love hanging out with you know that you can personal message me. You can reach out to me in any particular way that you need to you can call me on my cell phone over here you can text message me any way that you need to just reach out there is no stupid question. except the one you're too afraid to ask telling yourself it's a stupid question. Because you stay right about there is no stupid questions.

Question shouldn't help you learn questions help you grow. So dumb mistakes. So let yourself take care of you. And what do we do? Bring it in all the way.

Big squishy hugs. You take care of you know that your love to know that you're appreciated. Know that you deserve to get the support and the care that you need. And so just the ones that you love and care about help them get this information. And you don't have to help them like hey, you need to be fixed. You can help them like Hey,

I found something that could really help with what you've been talking about. You want help? Or I found something I really love. Come watch it with me on Wednesday. Yeah, super simple to take care of you and know that your love

I'll see you Monday you take care of you. If you do watch the replay or something really hits home for you. Please put it in the comments. I love to come back and and look and see what it is that you have questions about or concerns about. That's what I'm here for. And yeah, Peter says that some people are like black holes, they can suck, suck sucks. Pull that energy out of you. And so if you have any situations like that, and you've tried to do the steps that I've asked you, please do let me know what's coming up because there could be some alternatives of ways that you address things with them. That way you kind of block the black hole behavior, and instead, you just sort of step into, hey, we're blocking the black hole.

Stuff, we're gonna hang out only when it's fun stuff. I'll listen to what you have to say once or twice about the same thing. But then after that, I'll let you know, hey, this is something you've already let me know a couple times, do you want my thoughts on it or advice on it? Because it's just getting heavy now.

And if they can't handle it, then that's where you reframe the situation back to them. Hey, it's important for us to know how the other fields, right? You want me to hear you and I want you to hear me. That's all we're doing here. It gets them back in check, because what they might be doing is they might be taking it as a rejection. Instead of going no, it's the behavior that's too much emotionally for me. I'm not rejecting you, I love you or want to be hanging out with you. But this is just hurting me. And why I have to be hurt about the same thing. If you want help about it cool. But if not, then I can't handle that hurt with you. Right. All right, guys, you take care of you.

Ciao. For now. Thanks so much, Peter, for your responses and your thoughts.
You guys take care of yourselves. Ciao for now.

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