How is Anxiety & Negative Thinking Stealing
the Spark From Your Relationship?

Video Dated: Sept 04, 2022

00:07
You and one we are live. All right. you guys, how are you doing? Can you believe we're at the end of August, holy moly years almost over guys. So what we're going to be talking about today will actually help, as we might be looking at, how do I want to improve my relationship? Or how is it that anxiety and negative thinking is maybe affecting the spark in my relationship. And so here at sparks hope I use that term, it's connected on purpose, we want to create spark in your life, right, we want to be able to get that hope and action back in your life back in your relationships, and relationships are twofold right? into me, I see.

And in to you, I see that creates that level of intimacy that you want to have. And so what I do is I come on here each and every Wednesday, giving you guys tools and tips that you can begin to implement immediately in your life. So you can begin to see those changes. Now, I'm also available as a coach Hypno coach, relationship coach, even independent living and skill building coach, a business coach, in whatever ways, I'm able to use the tools that I've had over my last 40 years. Well, 40s going to be 46.

I didn't start when I was six, but gives me the opportunity to take all of the learning and most of it was hard and difficult, and be able to bring all of it and give it to you. Now it was hard and difficult because I didn't know how to do it in an easy way. And so if you can do it an easy way, it doesn't have to be hard and difficult for you, why the heck not. And as I'm now 45, I'm learning, I want to do it easy. I started learning that in my 30s.

So let me take the information from somebody else, and let them help me implement it. And that's what I've been doing. And that's what I will continue to do for the rest of my life because I realized that makes it so much easier. And so why am I here today talking to you about how to get that spark back into your relationship.

02:16
Because otherwise life lives so much more painfully takes away your energy leaves you feeling alone, even in a good relationship where it leaves you feeling like you can't find a good relationship, it leaves you feeling like you're not the parent you want to be. It leaves you feeling like you're if you're an adult, now that you're not the kid to the adult parent, you want to be can't set those boundaries even still. And so it just leaves you in a place of this is too heavy. And then if you're trying to do your your business or you're working, that's just extra, you get into work, and you're just like, there's no more, I don't have any more to give or you give all at work.

And then there's all this work at home to try to figure this stuff out. And you just feel like you're doing it on your own, you don't have the support, you know, and it's just frustrating for both parties, right or for everybody who you might be dealing with in some cases. So that's why I do this work, I do not want you feeling like you're left alone, I do not want you feeling like you're left without knowing how to do this, I don't want you feeling like I've tried everything.

And I don't know what else there is. Right? You do not get to feel like there's no hope. And that is why I come in do this. And that is why my company is called sparks hope. And so today, we're going to be talking about some specifics on how this experience comes up, how it might be affecting you how you can stop it.

And then I'd also like to share with you a program that I'm doing to actually help you kind of bust through this kind of stuff. Because without the knowing how you can know what the problem is all day long. You could be a total professional and tell me everything of why it's an issue. You could even tell me what to do to make a change. But you might then get to the place of I've tried everything I've tried everything I know should work.

Because it's more at a subconscious level, guys, it's not your fault, right? This is just the aspect of the subconscious mind is doing its best to protect you. And you have some old limiting beliefs. Unhealthy information, right? Think about it like this, I don't know. Most of you will remember the Yellow Pages. Well, each year, they had to update the Yellow Pages.

And so if it wasn't updated, then it was the wrong information you call the wrong phone number, you're not going to get where you need to get to. Now there's not even the yellow pages. So if you have the old yellow pages, quite possibly, so much of it doesn't even work anymore. That's exactly how this is it doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. It worked at the time, but it's not working anymore.

And so you can allow yourself to go Oh, so the old way that I've been doing this which I'm still stuck with doesn't work anymore. And I just don't know how to get to the new way right? If all you know I was yellow pages, and you really don't know the internet and you don't know how to use it and you don't know what the websites are, you don't know how to search it, you're stuck. It doesn't mean the answers aren't there. You don't know how to get them. And then let's say somebody says, okay, so go look at Google, like Google. Where's Google? How do I even get to Google?

What is that? If they don't tell you, it's on the computer? And they don't tell you how to get on the internet? You're not going to know you're just gonna have a computer. What? What's Google? I don't see Google. Is there an icon for Google? If Google's not been downloaded, how you're going to get it?

You need to have internet? What's internet? Now most people know that stuff. But when it first started, people did not I would have a computer. And I would be like, What do I do? How do I connect to the internet? How do I find Google? What what is that? How do I find Chrome? What is Chrome even, right? So it's the same exact thing works with your own mind, think of your own mind.

And that same process, it's looking for information, but it only has the information that you've put into it so far. So what you're able to do is learn this new information and bring it into your relationship, your relationship with others, your relationship with yourself. And it helps you to begin to understand in a much more comprehensive way. And what I like to do is I like to give you specific blueprints and specific formulas. So you can literally implement things step by step.

And that's a little bit of what we're going to be looking at today, as you're taking a look at, okay, what is going on in my relationship, I do want this and I'm not seeing this here. So what I'd like for you to do is you can either comment in the comments below, or you can personal message me, share with me, what are the challenges that you're facing in your relationship? Where do you feel like you're stuck? Where do you feel like the spark is missing? And that actually helps me and guides me with knowing the answers to give you later, or the resources to send you later to support you. Okay. So let me know that and I'm actually looking to see if you guys have asked any questions yet.

07:00
Thank you for the hearts. I do appreciate that. You guys are so awesome. I just love you. Okay. Okay, so the question here basically is, you know, we're just so busy, there's not enough time, you know, I just feel like, you know, the relationships kind of flat, what direction do we go? And? Okay, so that's actually a really good question. What often happens is, we can get so busy. And I suspect not only Are you very busy, but I suspect you're also tired. Right? When reminding body is tired, it automatically has a different aspect of how it feels.

And sometimes you might notice that it doesn't feel much at all except tired or drained, right, you try to get in the mood of just being intimate and holding hands, and you're just like, I just want to go to bed. So a big piece, you want to make sure that you're taking care of is giving yourself that extra rest that you need need, read need need need, not a luxury, even if you're giving yourself an extra 15 minutes. And you might say, well, that's not a big deal, that's not really going to help. My request at this time, is just to start with that extra 15 minutes, that will actually help you it'll help you make a difference. And one of you is sharing with me.

Okay, so you're not actually seeing it live. Okay, so let me go ahead and share it here. Give me one second, guys, I appreciate your patience. So it's not actually showing up in the group. And that reminds me guys, there's going to be an infographic that comes out tomorrow in my group. It's called relief from anxiety and negative thinking or entrepreneurs.

And you'll see that in the link. I'll actually go ahead and put the link here for you. I'll put it in the comments. It's not letting me open up the comments at the moment. So I'll put it in there after it's over. When you go into that group, you're going to see that I share infographics on many of my lives every week or every other week. So you're able to get that information and you're able to practice it look at it.

The subconscious mind works in pictures and visualizations. And so that actually will help you remember and practice exactly what we're talking about. So definitely take that on. Now. As you're looking at this you might find not only are you having thoughts about things not working out, but you'll feel your body. So even if you're busy or anxiety will have you may be feeling stressed or kind of like this right that shaky energy or it might have you with a tight throat or it might have you feeling on edge and reactive.

So it's important to notice what is your response that's going on so you can get more connected to what do I feel like when I'm okay? What do I feel like when I'm not? Okay? A lot of people will describe that as I don't feel like myself. Connect to what is that? I don't feel like myself. What's your body going through? Literally what is your throat feel?

What does your neck feel? What does your head feel it's for a lot of people hold stress, and it just feels like it's getting tighter and tighter, right? Or it feels like headaches feels like back pain. It might feel like female cramps, when you're not cramping, it might feel like joint pain, it might feel like jaw pain. Sometimes it doesn't have to be pain, sometimes you can just be stressed in those areas. It could look like wanting to overeat or not eat at all. It could look like not being able to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time.

10:48
It could look like craving of some sort craving sugars or craving breads, different things like that. It could be craving sex, it could be craving alcohol, whatever it is, they're there's some thing that comes up. For some people, they want to isolate, go to bed, pull the covers over, everybody's different. And so it allows you to be able to go Oh, so when this is going on, this is what's happening for me, I need more rest. I need to connect and see what it is that I need.

And it really allows you to be able to kind of relax and see, oh, this is really a thing. It's not that there's something wrong with me, this is really a thing that needs my attention. That's the only thing that's wrong. This particular area needs this resource or needs this nutrition, and I'm not giving it to it, right. So there's a few different things to pay attention to how your body's doing, how your thinking is doing, how your emotions are doing, right.

And in the relationship, there's things that you can build to increase the security. Now there's things that will decrease that same security. And that's where that anxiety and negative thinking will really kill the spark in your relationship. So I've had clients and a few big ones are trust, right? I can't trust what they're saying.

I don't trust what they're looking at online. I don't trust what they're watching on TV, I don't trust, what they're saying to me is true. I don't trust that they really love me. So it's really checking in on those trust issues. The other is that uncertainty and doubt doubt of them doubt of yourself. Also, this experience of I'm not feeling heard, your partner's not feeling heard.

And each person in the relationship is feeling alone. Now let's say you don't even have a partner, but you're still feeling alone, like I'm never gonna have a partner. I don't know why this is working out, I want to have somebody to live my life with and I can't figure out, there's things going on, that gets to be cleared up. Because you don't want to just have any relationship anyways, you want to have a healthy happy relationship that may be is that that relationship, right? That one that lasts for you.

So allowing yourself to see these things, as you look at them, see them as challenges. Not as there's something wrong with you or that you're broken, because you're not, right. If you do think of the term broken, I want you to think of it like a broken bone. Okay, it can be reset, it's not broken and smashed into a million little pieces and can't be put back together. Even though it might feel that way.

The mind body in motion, spirit heals, just like a broken bone can heal. Now there might be some scarring, or there might be a little different right? After we have something happen. We're a little different after that. But we can still have that healing that happens.

And what I do is I help people create that healing. That's not the goal, the goal is actually to create the change in their thinking, the change in their understanding, the change in helping their thinking changes, which helps their emotions change, which helps the healing to happen. So healing is not the goal. But it is the result. And so as you're going through this process, you'll find as you're creating the changes and focusing on what you want, the healing is happening.

And you don't even have to people think they have to I have to work on healing. Well, it's like, yeah, you do have to reset the broken bone. But that's not what your focus is on. That's there for a second because you got to do it. But actually, you're trying not to focus on that, because it's going to hurt quite a bit.

14:12
And so I've actually helped, I helped a doctor set somebody's arm, oh, it was awful. I had to practically lay my full weight on their arm for them to be able to make that change. But even though it was awful, it was also necessary. It was a little traumatic for everybody. But it was necessary.

And so we can see that the situation doesn't have to leave the trauma with us. It's just a, like, an impactful, right. That's really what trauma is. It impacts us, like trauma to the body is an impact to the body. But okay, that impact was there. Now I go and I'm okay. But if we have that impact, and we keep feeling it, feeling it feeling it, feeling it relieving it, relieving it, relieving it relieving it, it doesn't ever have an opportunity to get okay.

So instead, what we're doing together is we're taking a look at these things. And I'm going to give you some examples. So when you have that negativity, all that negativity in a relationship, when you have that uncertainty, when you have the trust issues when both parties or all the parties are feeling not heard, then the relationship is going to lose the spark, there's no spark left, there's barely a relationship left with all that going on, if it's not being taken care of. Because no one's feeling a part of a relationship. It's people being in the same place. That's, and nobody's relating.

So the idea is you let your body take care of your body, give your body exercise, sleep, water, and I know those things sounds simple. But sometimes I really have to work with somebody to break up their schedule, get this stuff on their calendar, it's got to be figured out and planned for. Then also, there's tools and things that you can do that help you move through where you're at most of the time, almost 100% of the time, the problems in the relationship are because of the baggage that each person brings. And if you're like, Well, what about kids? Well, those kids have the baggage that they have developed with their parents and out in their communities, and what they've learned from their culture, and what they've learned from their peers.

We bring in our baggage, just how it works. So when you're able to clean up your own baggage, and that person is able to clean up their own baggage, and the kids are cleaning up their own baggage. Everybody's working things out. And when they're speaking the same language with the same tools. Everyone then knows how to hear each other and listen to each other.

So it's important to know that you don't have to do this by yourself, how can you do it by yourself, if you don't know it, I didn't do this stuff by myself, I had to learn it. So if I have spent years and years and years, a billion minutes, which some of them lasted a very long time, all of the education, all of the expense, right, I've spent hundreds of 1000s of dollars, I looked at it the other day, it's almost like $500,000 that I've spent so far. And I know some of you have spent even more. But if it's not gotten you where you want to be. And you want to use these tools, they help you to begin to understand what's blocking you, they help you to understand how to shift it from a subconscious level, and help you to move forward into the things that you want and need.

It helps you to see what programming you've created, that needs to get cleaned out. And what new programming that you want to create, like this is what I want to create minus the fears minus the judgments minus the criticisms minus all this other programming said, I'm going to create new programming, which is I can do this, create new programming that says that stuff's out of the way now that that stuff's out of the way. This is all creation from here. I'm a, I'm like this new space of attracting to me because this other stuffs gone now the barriers and resistance is gone.

Right? And so then you're able to learn how to share with each other, and create that connection with each other to share your needs and your thoughts and be able to feed back to each other what it is that you understand. So the other person can see where's the misunderstanding how they need to be clear. And then the other thing is allowing yourself to be able to on purpose. So sometimes there's some of us that have to be on purpose with physical touch. I was one of them, I was not comfortable with physical touch.

Sometimes it's because of something that's occurred. Sometimes it's just our personality. Sometimes it's like a sensory experience. And so it's being able to work with that. And a lot of times people don't understand it, they don't know what's going on, they don't know how to work with it, they think something's wrong with them, or they don't feel a certain way because your body doesn't feel a certain way.

But now we can actually guide it, and teach it and show it. So these are just a few tips and a few tools to be able to see these negative things are what's pulling out the spark. And anxiety is just a heightened level of fear of something happening, like I'm afraid the relationships not going to work, I'm afraid they're going to reject me,

18:55
I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough, I'm afraid and then fill in the blank. Well, when we have that it grows. And that's what we call anxiety. And so the cool thing is, is if we if we don't allow it to grow, and we start at the beginning of where we're creating that, then it stops that anxiety from occurring, guys. When you're allowing yourself to pay attention to what's going on with the negative thinking and use it for a positive to share something with you here.

19:23
Super magic, right? No, it's not. This is my magical prop. People tend to think that negative emotions are bad. And positive emotions are good. When you look at this, which one's negative, which one's positive? Okay, which one's good? Which one's bad? It's a trick question. Because there isn't. This is positive. This is negative. They're both good.

19:43
The same thing is true about your Emotions, but you haven't been taught how to understand them to realize, okay, so if they're good, what are they telling me? When I feel this way? What do I need to do? What can I change. Without that information? Negative feels really bad. And we've been taught that it's bad. So that's all we can go off of. So learning that, your your emotions, right, they're both good. You need them both to make the energy flow.

So your negative thoughts that create the negative emotions are guiding you on where to pay attention. That's it, they're not bad. And you don't want to just Oh, think positive, think positive, you got to think positive, get that positive thinking going, guys get those affirmations. If you don't believe them, they just make you feel worse, you do not need to do that to yourself, then you feel not good enough, even more. And then you bring that again into your relationship.

And you're just struggling. So now, I would like to invite you to a group that I'm starting on the 15th. This group is going to give you these tools that I've been talking about into depth and allow you to practice them. And it's in a group of folks who are dealing with the same stuff. So you don't have to feel like well, I don't want to share my stuff with people.

You don't have to share the details, right? You'll be able to share that stuff with me. And in the group, you'll just ask generic questions, kind of like what happened today. If it like some of you like myself, I'm okay with sharing my story. Like I've learned a long time ago, once I got into foster care, sharing my story helped other kids share their story.

And my goal was to help people grow and feel better, and feel good about themselves and not ashamed about their story. Because I was really ashamed about the child abuse that I went through. And so I was ashamed for a long time. And that kept me quiet. And when I got into foster care, I realized I didn't want to be quiet anymore. I didn't want to sit in that shame that wasn't mine.

And so that gave me strength to say, no, no, I'm talking about this, I'm talking about this, I am getting this shit out of me. So I can feel better. And I've been doing it my whole life. And my stories help other people share their stories. And your stories will help other people share their stories. And again, you don't have to share any details that you don't want to, you could just say you know what, yep, I feel anxious to. And in the group, if you want, you don't have to say anything ever.

It's only for sessions. It's really to help you build things up really to learn from other people get that connection, you can have an accountability partner, which basically all that means is you're going to do your your assignments that we talked about, and you'll text each other that you did them, and what you learned from it. That's it. If you want to you can make it even more, you can really have these accountability partners to be like, Oh my gosh, what did you do? How did you learn what was going on? Oh, that's so cool. And then they could do the same back with you. And you guys can like, oh my gosh, and I know this tool and intellectual.

And this is some of the stuff that I've learned along the way. And so you guys could actually create a friendship out of it to whatever level you want to play at, right. So it gives you the opportunity to grow. And as you're growing and focusing on what you want to create in your relationship, whether it's with somebody else or with yourself. So you are that relationship you want to go into a relationship with.

And as you're helping yourself get to that place, you're becoming that person you want to be in a relationship, which also means then you're creating more and more and more of that healthy reflection. So you're bringing that healthy reflection of a partner back to you. So I hope all of that makes sense. And so why don't we invite you to that group. I would like for you to message me, you can message me in the comments below that you would like more information, right?

Or it's my time. And I'll get you more information about it. And we can talk about it. You can let me know what your thoughts are any concerns, any issues. I'm going to share the link below of the group websites, you can see the details. Either way, you do not need to sit in a relationship and watch it die and watch the light go out. You do not need to be in a relationship with yourself feeling that way? Like who am I I don't know who I am. I feel like I've lost myself. How come I can't find a relationship? What's going on? Who am I being?

24:29
What's all of that? You get to help yourself address those things. Bring answers bring tools step by step tools, and whether or not you want to speak in the group others will and if not, I'll share my story and speak. I'm not afraid of it. That's why I do this group. I want people to grow and thrive and you will because as you're watching myself and other people share their story whether or not you share yours, you're going to grow with this new information. And if you're feeling up for it, you can share your story to and each person who allows them so to speak, is going to be the one growing the most, and getting the most out of it.

So that will give you the opportunity and the motivation to be like, okay, so yeah, I am stressed in my relationship. I feel like, you know, they're not listening to me. And I feel like I don't know how to, I feel like I'm listening to them. But they say I don't, I'm not hearing them either. Thanks, super simple. We're not trying to be traumatizing, and say, super awful things.

And, you know, super deep secrets. And by the way, there is no awful thing that you can share. It's just your story. So that said, collecting with this information is essential for you, whether you decide you want to do it for the group, or whether you want to work with me one on one, or as a couple, allow yourself to get these tools, allow yourself to bring that spark back into your relationship with you back into your relationship with your partner back into your relationship with your children. And you might find maybe you haven't even ever had it.

And so you want to live it for the first time in a way that maybe you didn't even know was possible, you get to have that. So message me here underneath the comments, or in my personal messenger, DM me. And you can also call me too. So my information is over here, 954-657-3407, I am here to help you get this information, you everyone needs to have it, we get to have this information, it shouldn't be something that's taught in schools everywhere.

But since it's not get it, and not only just get the information, but learn how to implement it and practice it. So you have in your life, and you can see the changes in you, you feel the connection. And you'll feel that spark lighting and flaming back up again. Or maybe for the first time. Thank you so much for being here with me, thank you so much for taking on your life thing, taking on your relationships, taking on allowing yourself not only to do this, but by the way, it's also going to flow out into every area of your life, it's going to flow out, if you're an entrepreneur, it's going to flow out into your business.

If you're working, it's going to flow out around you into your colleagues, how you address people, how you make sure they address you, and doing it in a way that's loving and kind and that you feel really good about it. Do you take care of you joined tomorrow, right? Join the group if you're not joined already, so that way you can get the infographic, I'll put the information about the group as well as the week program. And I look forward to hearing from you you get to have this in your life. If you've been without it, you know all of what comes with that void. You got to clean that up, right?

We got to clean that up first. And then we get to allow it to be clean and have room for all of the new things you want to create. The joy, that connection, reviving your life, right? Rethink, revive and rejoice. When you begin to rethink these things, you shift your mind, and you revive a whole new way of thinking and understanding and living. And you rejoice in all the changes that you've made.

All right, you guys, you take care of you. I look forward to hearing from you keep getting this information out there. Whether or not this is a good fit for you. I'm sure you know, folks who would really want this information. And not just because it's nice. But because they might feel like their life is at a place where they don't know what else to do.

And so if you want to share this with somebody else, and you're not sure how, let me know, I'll help you. It's most important that we don't have anybody feel like they're broken. It's most important that we don't have anybody feel like they have to do this work or they need to do this work. That Hey, you said that this is something that's hurting you. I've got a I've got something that could help put this back into place. It's not just a band aid. It'll help reset it. And I'd like to share it with you. Yeah, it comes from a space of hey, let's take a look at your dreams. Versus let's take a look at what you know where you feel broken.

29:12
Anyways, you take care of you know that your loved bring it in. Big squishy hugs. Alright, you guys, Ciao for now. Oh, Friday, I am going to be having a webinar to talk a bit more about the these tips and tools. So if you want to join me on Friday, it's coming up this Friday.

You'll see it in this in the group when you join and you'll be able to attend and it's free. And it's going to have an opportunity for you to ask questions and get some of your answers there before the four week program starts. So anyways, if you're interested, take a look. You'll see the invite down below and I look forward to seeing you whether it's there or seeing you next week. We're seeing you in my group I'll talk to you soon bye