How can you change your mindset to improve your intimacy?

Video Dated: Feb 10, 2022

All right, it looks like we are live. Hello, hello. I hope you are doing good and feeling wonderful. And I am so glad that you are ready to pop on with me today. And we are going to be taking a look at intimacy. Why? Well, it's February for one. And two, it's the beginning of the new year. And it's so important to take a look at how do you want to live out the year? How do you want to live out how you've been doing things, being able to take a look at you know what, I could actually do this a little bit differently, I can actually improve what I've been doing so I can enjoy life even more. Or if there's been things that you've been feeling like they're struggling with. You don't have to struggle with them. You can have them off the table, you can have your relationship feeling good. You can have yourself feeling heard, have your partner feeling heard? How many times have you said, I just feel alone, I don't feel heard. I don't feel appreciated. That's not how your relationship has to feel. And so there's ways that you can change that. I've had others who were who they feel like well, I don't want to deal with intimacy right now, this is just too much my relationships just too much. The biggest thing we get to talk about today is the first level of intimacy, I'd like for you to think of the term into me, I see, right, and you'll see on the posts that I put for this, you'll see that there is a post of one person and another person and they're both there. And usually we think of all the couples. But if that person is not able to see into themselves and love themselves if you're not loving you, and you might want to shut this off right now, whatever that what does that mean? I don't need to love myself, so

why not?

So be able to take a look at that and begin to wonder because if you don't love you might you pick the wrong person. If you don't know how to look for red flags, might you actually pick red flags? If you don't know who to trust, because you don't even trust yourself? Might you pick somebody else you can't trust either. Or let's say you pick the best person, they're the best, the best, the best. But then things start to fall apart and you don't know how to deal with it. Because they're your support, they are your anchor, you don't know how to have that in yourself. And so that's my biggest thing this month. And the rest of the year, by the way, being able to take a look at the first level of intimacy start there, my friends, whether you're a man or woman, whether you're just getting started liking, you know boys or girls start to understand about intimacy. And I say this at very, very young levels intimacy, we think intimacy means sex. Intimacy does not mean sex. Right, intimacy is looking into me and seeing what I need. Seeing how I can ask for help. Being able to look into another person, be able to see what it is that they need, and what they're saying and what their thing getting. And also being able to connect and see what belongs to them. So you don't take on their stuff. And what belongs to us, you're not placing blame on other people to handle your stuff. That is intimacy. The sex is gravy, that's that's something else. You can have sex and have zero intimacy, it could be just a physical act. So allow yourself now to really sink in for a minute sit down, grab your tea, or your coffee or, or your water, your lemon water mine is lemon water. Just breathe a second and take a look up. What is it that you say to yourself? How are you treating yourself. So I've had so many clients say to me when we do this activity, and I'd like you to try it on with me. Think about somebody that you love. And you really love them the relationship is good. Think about how you talk to them. Think about how you desire to be around them. Think about how you might look out for them. Think about how you think about taking care of them, making sure they're fed making sure they have clothes, making sure that they're safe. Making sure that they're loved saying good things to them, uplifting them, inspiring them supporting them. You might say well, I don't have that my life. Well, you might have it with a pet. Allow yourself to think of a relationship if you don't have it that you've seen and you're like, wow, that looks really great. And then let yourself ask the question, do I treat myself that way? And if the answer is no, I'd like you to take a piece of paper and write down the ways that you do treat yourself how do you feed yourself do you sow Well, you know, whatever you eat whenever you sleep whenever you know whatever. Everybody else is more important than you

jot that down.

Or if it's, well, you know, I just You just eat, you just put whatever and you know, you're fine. You're not hungry anymore, or I don't need to sleep. I'll sleep, you know, some point when I die. What if you said those things to somebody else? What if your son or daughter came to you and said, Mom, Dad, I'm really hungry? Well, whatever, you know what, just just deal with it, you'll eat when I'm ready. Ouch. What would you be telling them about their value about their needs about taking care of their body? And, and what's going on? Now, of course, if they're coming to you, and they're like, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, and they just ate two seconds ago. That's in setting boundaries and saying, No, we don't need to do that. We're not going to do that. That's not good for your body. But yet, you might say, Well, I just ate two seconds ago, but I'm feeling so stressed out, I really need to eat, and you keep eating. I'm guilty. Right? I have to work on that for my myself all the time. Or it's getting late. And you really should be thinking about going to bed. But because you're trying to finish things. Instead you forget about being mindful that you're just tired. And instead you're looking for food. What would you do if that was a loved one? No, no, no, you're just tired. Here, have a healthy snack, have a celery stick or have a carrot. Right? And then, you know, let's, let's get you some water. And let's get you to bed.

Well, after you brush your teeth.

So you can see how you would take care of someone else. How you would say no, you don't even need a healthy food right now. It's it's past your bedtime. So let's not take in any calories. Or, let's make sure you get your water now because you're gonna go get into bed. You don't want to keep getting up all night going to the bathroom. Or if they're too little dude wet the bed. So it's prioritizing, be mindful of things that they need.

Do you do that for you? Let's say you're in

a relationship, and you're saying I never heard, I'm always in this by myself, I feel like I'm in this empty relationship, or I love my relationship. But I do everything myself, nobody's here, nobody helps

me.

Where is it that you're asking for help and having them sit down and hear you. If somebody else was in a situation you would guide them, you would teach them you would show them how to be hurt, you would do your best. And if you didn't know how you'd find somebody who could help them, because you would know it would be so strong in your heart to make sure they get that help make sure they know what to do. Make sure they don't feel alone. They don't feel unloved. They don't feel unheard. My dears. If I could take your face in my hands, and I could say to you, you deserve that same love, you deserve that same care. And sometimes even more because you're the caregiver to all these other people. So you have to overflow into yourself. So you can out flow into others. That is intimacy into me, I see. So it's essential, my dears to take a look at where it is that you are not taking care of you. Because the relationship that over there, it can't, right. My husband can tell me all day long, I'm doing a great job. And it feels so good. Let me just tell you, it does because words of affirmation is my love language. But if I'm going behind the scenes telling myself I'm doing a very poor job, if I'm going behind the scenes, doubting myself and worrying and and not even really believing him when he says that, like all he's just saying that because he loves me, then it will actually even fall in an empty space for me. And so it's important to take a look, is that person you're choosing? Is that person supportive? Do they know? How are you asking them what you need? Now, it's very important to realize sometimes we're not clear. Sometimes we think, Well, I told you, I need your help. Me, I wasn't really sure what you needed. So I did the dishes. So it's important that we ask for what we need. And if we don't know how which by the way, it's okay. If you don't know what you need. It's okay. If you don't know how to have that into me, I see experience. That's what I'm here for. So please do reach out to me. I have a relationship group that I run. It's deep dive into relationships, it's one on one. It's every first Friday of the month. So you could join that as a group or you could join me for one on one you could do it with just as yourself learning and growing and developing. You could do it with your partner and it could be somebody you just met that you want to help share this information to because you know you like to grow and you know they like to grow and you both talked about wanting to learn more about Our

intimacy Wallah.

So do not have yourself stop, do not punish yourself, do not have yourself think that intimacy is about the other person or just sex. Or if the relationships going bad, then there's no point,

my dear, you are intimacy,

you create this intimacy over here. And so if your relationship isn't going well, you need more intimacy over here. And I don't mean sex and masturbation. And that that's bad. Not saying that you can have that. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about caring for yourself, loving yourself, checking out what negative thinking you've got going on checking out red flags you're not aware of that are showing up and holding you down, holding you back, having you choose an unhealthy relationship over and over again, or having you in what could be a healthy relationship, tearing it up. I have helped many relationships come back to a healthy place because they didn't know how to communicate, they didn't know how to create their own intimacy within themselves. They didn't know how to hear each other. And so they were tearing each other apart, not intentionally, just they were in anger, they were in hurt, they were in pain. And what comes out of that, if you don't know how

angst, it's exhaustion, it's lashing out.

And then there's other situations where you're just like, I'm not getting in a relationship again, cut that off. Now, if that's out of a healthy choice, that's cool, right? We don't have to be in a relationship. Our culture teaches us that we're not happy unless you're in one. That's BS, If you're happy and not in one, cool, but if you're not in one, and you're telling yourself you're happy, but there's a whole bunch of other reasons why you're not in a relationship, handle those reasons why. So if you're choosing not to be in a relationship, it's healthy and feels good. It's like, Yeah, this is sweet. Got this, got this relationship with myself got this relationship with my friends, I don't need to have a partner. And I feel good about that.

I feel, Oh,

I feel awesome. I'm being my partner. Right now. I'm allowing God to be that connection. I'm allowing my friends to be that connection. Right. So it's, and there's also relationships that don't have sex at all. I was actually reading more about this the other day, and if both parties are okay with that, and that's okay. Some people just don't really have a big sexual drive. Some people have no sexual drive, but they're okay with creating the intimacy within themselves and with each other. And so allow yourself this space, allow yourself this practice. And you'll see in the post, there's two levels, there's into me, I see poke myself, and then there's into you, I see. And so allow yourself to go through these two levels. And it doesn't mean sex. Sex is a different piece, a different conversation. Sex can be part of intimacy, if you are in a sexual relationship, but it does not. It is not intimacy, because again, you can have sex, and it's just a thing, right? You just did it, the body felt good, great. There's no intimacy tied to it. So let yourself connect. And as you're thinking this new way, as you're creating this new shift, share with me how it's coming up for you. Share with me how this intimacy this into me I see is showing up for you. And any questions or any concerns or any, I'm not sure. Ask them, ask them here in the comments. And I'll come back and I'll address them. I'll address them in the next live that I have. I have a live every Wednesday for you. It's a free webinar, right here hosted on Zoom. And so if you have questions, I will address them if you want to. Text Message me you can my information is over here. Phone number 954-657-3407. You can text me, you can call me. You could Facebook message me however you'd like. Now, just remember, there is no stupid question except for the one you don't ask because it stays on answered. So then it's an ignorant question. It stays. There's no wisdom in it. It leaves you wondering and wondering and wondering, stop wondering, get those questions answered. Get that intimacy back into your life. You deserve it. You deserve to be able to see into you and love you and accept you and connect with you. Appreciate you see that you are doing the best that you can giving into the world 100% Even if it doesn't feel like 100% You're doing the best you can which is your 100% That day, right today. I don't feel it. 100% I just don't my fault. I haven't been sleeping. Well, I haven't been sleeping as much. And no, it's not because I've been having trouble sleeping. It's because I've been having trouble going to bed. I've just I've been working on things and I'm like, Oh, just a little bit more just a little bit more. And I'm getting it done. I feel really good about that. But my body's feeling kind of drained. And so because Have those choices because I have not been the creating the intimacy with everything. I've been creating the intimacy with getting these things done. So I feel good here. But I haven't been creating the intimacy into me, I see I need more sleep. Now it's coming up and saying, Hey, so now it's talking louder, which is having me go to bed late last night, I did go to bed on time. And tonight, I will go to bed on time. So it's being able to listen. And sometimes our body has to talk a little louder, because we're not listening to it. And sometimes it begins to scream, your emotions, your thoughts, your body, your experience can be screaming at you saying

Help. I want to make this change. Okay, if you don't know how to do it on your own. So reach

out to me, let me know, get that intimacy in your life because you deserve it. And you might say, No, I don't Well, that tells you you do. If you've got no I don't deserve, it's coming up. That tells you all the more reason that you do need intimacy, because there's something going on where you're hurting yourself. There's something going on where you're denying yourself and punishing yourself, and we get to clean that up, we get to shift that thinking and have you into a brand new space. Alright, guys, bring it in big squishy hugs. Know that you're loved, know that you're appreciated know that you're cared

for? Whether you like it or not.

Alright guys, you take care of you have a beautiful week. And I look forward to seeing you next week. I also look forward to seeing your comments and letting me know how this is supporting you, and what questions you have. And please do share. Oh, and one last thing, if you share and like something that's gonna get you enrolled into a raffle. Each month, I'm doing a raffle of some sort, whatever it is, this month, it's going to be for in a breakthrough session on relationships and intimacy even more than what I did today. So that would be very beneficial for you for you and your spouse or significant other or you could even share it if you want it. Now, if you go to my business page sparks hope LLC. This is on Facebook, you'll be able to see the raffle there you'll be able to like that raffle like the page. And you can you can share it with others and as you share it with others, you'll get entered into the raffle again. So be sure to go ahead and do that you can take a look over on my Facebook page. I'm going to post here in the comments, the information about the group that's happening on the first Friday and I'll post the information the link for you to go to the business page to be able to enter the raffle.

I think there's everything

you guys take care of you and again

into me I see see into you. Look into that beautiful being that you are and love her love him You deserve it. That's what you're here for. Take care of you. Ciao for now.