How are You Lying to Yourself in Your Relationship
& Blocking Your Success

Video Dated: Sept 08, 2022

00:07
All right, we are live three, two and one. All right. All right. Are you guys doing? I'm doing so good. This is my weekend off kind of no way and I are on vacation, which has been a lot of fun. But I still wanted to come here live to you guys. And just continue to share with you tips and tools was actually outside just a second ago, but I'm near the ice machine. So it's a lot of noise.

So I had to come right back in for you guys and just share with you some tips and tools. Now this topic this week is a big one. It's a strong one. It's a hard one. And for some of us as we think about this question, it may be a little like, gut wrenching. And it's okay. Right?

It's okay. I like to talk about the things that people don't want to talk about. Because if, if we allow those things to feel safe, we can talk about it. And it's okay. Anything you want to talk about is safe to talk about. And so this topic is about how we might lie to ourselves. It doesn't mean you're doing it on purpose.

And it may mean there's some things that you do know that you're doing but you just don't know how to do different. And so it's important as we talk about this, that you're not like aroma, terrible person, oh my god, I shouldn't be doing that. Right? That's definitely come up. That's fine. But I'd like for you to look at this more like a scientist look at it more like, oh, that's what I've been doing. Oh, that's why I've been doing that. Oh, that's what I could do different.

You're looking at it more from a space of learning and growing a mindset of I can make these changes versus a mindset. I'm bad and wrong, and I can't believe it. And all that heaviness that you might be going through, right. And I do want to let you know, I'm 100% right there with you. Right. I lie to myself all the time.

Now that I mean to but I might say oh, you know what? I'm too busy for that. But if I really think about it's like, Am I too busy for that? Or could I make time for that? And sometimes I'm just not sure. It's just the automatic. I just feel too busy. So I'm just you're busy. Or, yeah, I could do that. And then when I really sit down after the fact and go. Sometimes it's just even with myself, like I sign up for something.

And I'm just like, I thought I would have the time. But I tend to maybe overgeneralize how I might be doing it or how much time it's going to be taking or how much time I might have or, you know, yeah, I might have time this week. But next week that time isn't going to be there. So I need to not commit. So there's things sometimes we lie to ourselves, it's not intentional, sort of ill will almost rarely ever, is it it is actually based on things that we've learned and grown up with.

So there's sometimes things that we do, because we might be have have felt hurts along the way, like, Oh, I'm never going to do that, again, oh, I'm never letting somebody talk to me that way. Again, I am never going to be in a relationship like that again. Oh, man, that was just right. And so that's more from a pain. Now some of it is actually great and helpful. But we want to do it out of I want to do that because I saw that this didn't work.

And I like that this works better. Versus I am never going to do that again. Because I know if I do that that's gonna hurt and people like that. Because that sort of generalizes us to a situation instead of allows us to really just see, well, that actually happened in that case, because of that kind of person. And because of the choices I was making to have that kind of person in my life. And because I wasn't ready to set boundaries, or many, many variables might come into play.

And so we don't want to overgeneralize those things like that. Now, what I'd like to learn from you guys is what are some particular areas as you're thinking about this, you might be like, ah, that is a lie, I'm telling myself. So ask yourself that question. And I'm gonna go over some things with you. And, again, don't answer this out of judgment, answer it out of just matter of fact,

I learned at the age of 15 When I got into foster care, that if I shared my story, and I shared what was going on for me, then others were able to share what was going on for them and we could talk about stuff like matter of fact, It removed the guilt, removed the shame, removed the lies, I was telling myself in the first place. They're not good enough that people are judging me that you know, I'm stupid I'm too young. I'm whatever it is. When I spoke the truth and spoke my story, quieted all the lies. So when you share what's going on for you, let's quiet those lies and help each other talk about these things without feeling ashamed or guilty or any of that. So here's some examples.

I'm not good enough to fill in the blank. Straight out lie guys. We're always good enough. We might not have a skill that we need. We're always good enough. And so you then might say, Oh, well, that's semantics. Okay, well, then let's take a look. Is it a skill Feel like I'm not good enough for that. Okay, well,

05:04
Okay, that thoughts telling me something? I'm thinking I'm not good enough for something What if I was good enough? What would I need to feel like I'm good enough? Well, I'd actually need to learn. For me, currently, I would need to learn some objections, for self doubt, I would need to learn some initial sales skills, I would need to learn some initial marketing skills.

And those are some things that I'm learning that I need with what I'm doing for the self doubt that's popping up for me as far as like with social media and, you know, having engagement in the group with you guys. And so those of you guys who are watching this who are not in the group of what I'm just talking about, I have a group it's called relieve anxiety and negative thinking for entrepreneurs. And so the idea is to have a group where you can connect, and you feel understood, and you have other people that have different things that they're working on as well that are similar to you. And so just look it up. It's relief from anxiety and negative thinking for entrepreneurs. That's how it goes facebook.com, forward slash groups, relief from anxiety and negative thinking for entrepreneurs.

And so the idea is, it helps you to feel and I'm going to actually paste it here into this live for you. So you can see it. Well, oh, you know what, it actually comes up differently on the hyperlink than the name, it's anxiety, negative thinking relief number for entrepreneurs, I kind of remember that. So anyways, you'll be able to see the link there. And the idea is to join, it's a private group. So those of us who are in the group know that we belong there.

And I helped to run the group. So that way, it gives you tips and tools. So like these topics each week are coming from you guys. As you're entering in, you're letting me know, what are some concerns you have? What are some things that are bothering you, and then I do these lives for you.

Because I do this stuff to make a difference for you. I'm not doing it for me, well, that's not true. It makes me feel good. I'm doing it for me, too. It makes me feel good. When I'm helping other people, it makes me feel good when I'm watching other people grow. It makes me feel amazing when I see that a spouse is talking to their spouse or a business owner is addressing those business needs or a parent is addressing their kids or their kids or addressing their parents in brand new ways.

They never knew how until they met me and I give them these tools. And then I watched them grow and thrive and change. Oh my gosh, it's the best guys, it is the best. So that was not true. That was a lie. I do get so much out of sharing this stuff. And that's why I do it. Because I also had to go through these things I also had and have to break out of these thoughts that come up. Only now I can do it quicker. I can see what's going on.

I can get the support and the coaching and the guidance and the things that I need really quick. I don't let myself stay in it for days and months and not let myself take on my dreams like I used to. So I don't just do this stuff, because I think it'll help you I did this stuff. Because I had to help me. Right? So kind of like that commercial. What is it? The guy who did the hair. He's like, I'm not only the Hair Club president but I'm a member.

Same things true for me. I'm not only the owner, and founder of this work. I did it. I practiced it, I learned it and I took this isn't my work. This is stuff that I took from all the different learnings that I've learned and I saw what was missing. And I brought it all together. And I added in what was missing that I saw for myself having gone through so much trauma, and having lived in my own mind full of anxiety and stress and over analyzing and not feeling safe in my world and with people not knowing how to set boundaries, not knowing how to talk to people not knowing how to keep that loving connection if I want to say no, not knowing how to put people in their place in a kind loving way. I know how now.

And I'm able to share that with with others. And they're just like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I've been trying to do this stuff my whole life. And now I can I can I can have this with my family. I can have this with my business. I can feel like I'm in totally in love with this person that I am and I never had that before. Right? And that's because of lies where we might be telling ourselves. I don't have a choice. I can't, I'm not able to. I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough.

09:27
I'm too old. I'm too young. You know, I just always find the wrong people. Everything's gonna go wrong. I just have the worst luck. It's not going to be okay. Right? And so we have all these different things where we just feel stuck, and we feel hurt. And we take that hurt with us into subconscious beliefs.

And the idea I want you to be able to get cars is just because you have those beliefs doesn't mean that you have to be stuck with them. They're at a subconscious level. But the subconscious mind can be changed. And my goal and the work that I do is to help you learn how I was just now just before this speaking with a client. And he was like, it's so hard to make phone calls.

When I go to make the phone call on the ring, oh my gosh, my heart, and I can't breathe. And the tension was like, okay, okay, so what are the thoughts coming up? What's your body going through? And then we replaced it with what the body needed, helping it to breathe, helping it to relax, seeing where the tension was seeing what's going on? What's the diaphragm need to do? What's the stomach need to do? What are the shoulders in the neck? How do we practice it before the call?

It was like, Wow, I feel ready to make that call. Not only that, but we also role played out what are the thoughts you're telling yourself before you make that call? What's the difference when you're face to face. So being able to understand well, when I read body language, and this might be something for you, when I read body language and with your partner, or in your business relationship, my mind is busy reading them, I can see what they're thinking I could see they're paying attention to me, I could see that their face is doing, you know, I can hear you know, they're not here, I can see that they're shaking their head and I can hear their questions.

And so my mind is busy interacting with their body language and their tone and their engagement. So my mind can't think. But when I'm on the phone, none of that is there. And so I'm busy like oh my gosh, do they understand me? And that's not the tone? What does that tone mean? And I think they're probably thinking this.

And they're probably thinking that and it just leaves us in this huge space of self doubt, and judgment and pain and concern. And so when we go through that experience, then it moves us from I'm not enough, or they're thinking this or I'm not going to succeed, or this is just stupid, or all that stuff going on. So I wrote down the negative thoughts. And I replaced them with the truth. The truth is, this person isn't thinking about me, they're thinking about helping me.

They're probably thinking about what they're going to eat, or what they're going to wear or what they got on their shirt, or what their boss thinks about them, or what happened with their partner or their spouse or you know, their new venture they're venturing into, just like you're thinking about you and what's going on with you. So are they. So when you let yourself practice these new ways to release the lies fall away, we step into Oh, I do have a choice. Oh, I do have the time. Oh, I'm not overwhelmed with this. I can do this. It begins to shift. We don't tell ourselves, I don't want to do it anyways. It's more like, Oh, I did want to do it.

That's why it came to mind. But there were these things that were in the way and now I've worked on them. So they are out of the way. I do want to do this. I always wanted to do this. And now I know how I'm doing it. That's how you remove those lies, guys, and you totally can.

And so if this seems like, Oh, this is interesting, I want to learn more. I want you to reach out to me, I'm going to be doing well. I do a couple things. I work with you one on one, just like I'm doing right now. I'm working with you one on one. But there's several of you listening and watching and you'll be asking me questions later.

So I also work with folks in a group just like this. Now, there are some folks who are just like no, no, no, ain't happening. I'm not working with a group Nope. And if that's you, that's okay, I do work with you one on one. I do work with you, as a couple I work with you, as a business partner, I work with you, if you're working with something going on with your parent, I work with you with something going on either with a little kid, right?

As we teach little kids things, and I would teach you how to work with them, you would begin to learn how to speak their language and how to get them to also speak your language. This stuff is not just one thing. So as you're learning this, you'll be able to apply in all areas where you want to work on changing your relationship and feeling success.

14:06
Now, I need you to act fast, because I only have a couple more spots with one on one coaching. And I definitely only have a couple spots and a deadline for you. As far as being able to get into my four week program. It's called revive your relationship starting with yourself. And so reach out to me, I have a free breakthrough call.

So you can ask me questions without feeling obligated to anything. That's my goal and doing that. Now, only those of you on here who are watching this are getting that and others who I've offered it through through other ways in other programs. It doesn't it's not just everybody gets it, because it's actually a fee for them. So when you reach out, let me know, hey, you offered a free breakthrough and I want to get it and so we do a zoom call.

And I just take a look at the things that you're looking at. We create an action plan and if it's to work with me, we decide that you're going to start working with me But like I said, there's there's a limited time and a limited space. So jump on it today Don't wait. Don't let any lies of I don't have the time. I don't have the money. I don't know, I don't know what the call coaching doesn't work for me, anything you might come up with to not do it.

That is your lie, that is your excuse. Excuses are just lies for us not to do something we think we'd like to do. And even if you're like, Yeah, I don't want to, I don't think it's going to be good fit. Oh, I think it's going to be too much. Don't let any of those outcomes be an excuse either not to get the tools that I'm going to share with you.

I'm offering those for free. Nothing you have to do, except use your time to get them. That's it. Make sure you do that. And you could reach out to me, you can reply into the comments and more info, or I'm ready, you can message me so you could do it that way. You could also call me my phone number right over here, 954-657-3407 get the support that you need, you deserve those changes in your life that you know are possible.

There's no reason why you can't have them. And any reason you use is a lie, you're telling yourself. So please don't do that. I did it for many, many years. So I know. I know that experience. I know that feeling. I know the action. So if you do it, forgive yourself.

But my request is that you don't jump on it. You don't have a lot of time. Our time's running out, right? And I'm not saying that for I'm 45. I'm going to be 46 in December, you might be like, Oh, you're so young. Yeah. But my mom died at 49. My sister at 42. I've lived past my older sister.

And as much as that hurts my heart to say it. I want to say it. We don't know how much time we have. And I'm not going to live in fear anymore. Of anything I'm going to share with you. I'm going to offer things with you. I'm gonna say hey, come get it now. And I'm here for you. Alright, bring it in. Big squishy hugs. All right.

Do you take care of you know that you are loved? Know that you're cared for. And forgive yourself. You didn't mean to tell these lies. That was just your way to cope. It was just your way to work with it. Now you're reframing, you're creating new thoughts new understanding new beliefs, which will help you create the actions that you need.

So you can start these things even before you set up your breakthrough call with me. You take care, and I'll see you next week. Let me know what your thoughts are. Let me know how this has helped. Let me know what's come up for you. Take a look at it like a scientist like Aha, I got this. Not a way to judge yourself. Make yourself feel bad promise. Good. Alright, talk to you later. Bye.