Do You Worry About Not Attaining Perfection?
Video Dated: June 15, 2022
Hello, good morning, I do hope you are having a wonderful week, we are middle of the month, we are middle of the year. What does that mean? Well, it really means just take a look at how far you've come this year and take a look at what you'd like to complete for the rest of the year. And give yourself room to see, okay, this is what I did up to this point, this is what I was expecting or not or, you know, make some new ideas of when you think whatever it is you want to get done will be done. So it's being able to create a map for yourself and in your life.
And what I'm talking about today, actually is really important, because there are times when we can get so focused on how it has to be perfect, and I am guilty.
I have to admit. And so there are different results and symptoms that come of that. So for example, you might find that, you know, because it has to be perfect, you get it done. And that's not enough. So you've got to start again, or you get close to being done, or you can't even get started. Because every time you go to get started, it's just wrong. So there's so many things that come up with perfectionism, I've actually learned through a lot of that. And so I'm able to get things done. But at the end of it, I'm just like, sort of like flat, there's no way to do it. It's sort of like, I'm glad it's over.
Which I talked about a couple of weeks ago regarding negative motivation, I do have a lot of negative motivators, I've been becoming more and more and more aware of a new layer of things that I'm working on. And we're always going to be working on something new. And so if you have perfectionism getting in your way, then just No, it's just a new layer that you can work on. There's nothing wrong with you, right? It's just what you learned as the way to motivate you to get things done.
And to get it done with excellence. So what I'd like for you to try on instead of it has to be perfect, try on that, I want it to be excellent. I want it to be the best mood or the best look or the best, whatever. And if it's shy of what I think is the best, it's still excellent, it's still going to bring in the results I wanted to bring in. And so it gives you room to breathe.
Because if not seriously, guys, you're not breathing. No kidding, you will stop yourself from feeling like you could even breathe, which leads to panic attacks, it leads to stress, it leads to this constant ache in your throat and tightness and pit or tightness and anxiety in the pit of your stomach. Right? It can lead to ulcers, it could lead to cancers, it could because the body is always feeling diseased. And so it starts, you know, reacting with itself. And so it's important that you help yourself shift out of that.
And there's four ways to do it four reasons why you want to stop worrying about having to get to perfection, and how you can do it. So number one, remember that you're human, you're not a God, right, you're not a superhero, you're not Superman, or Superwoman or super mom or Super Dad, that kids can feel that way and think that way, you can feel that way and think that way. But you don't have to make yourself be that.
Right. So for example, if you have something planned for the kids, and they're totally stoked, and they love, it doesn't matter if there was some things that didn't go well that they have no idea about, or even if they do know about the things still went great, then it doesn't matter. What you want to take a look at is what are your beliefs coming from? Where is your pressure coming from. And those beliefs can be really putting that on you. So you feel like you can breathe no matter what. So first of all, practice breathing.
Just lifts that pressure off. practice breathing into wherever you feel that tension right for me, it's my throat and my chest.
I'll tell you, I've been doing some new things that I don't want to do, learning about social media and Facebook on higher levels than I had before. I have to breathe a lot more intentionally.
Because I can feel a tension in my chest and in my back. So listen to what your body's telling you. The tension, it's actually asking for relief in that area. It's also asking for you to pay attention to what you're thinking about and doing for yourself.
Okay, so I'm practicing breathing and practicing paying attention to it doesn't have to be perfect. And excellent means there can be room for mistakes. There can be room for things to be okay, good, right. So number two, the idea has been be able to take a look.
And see if you give yourself the, the truth of being able to be in the journey, and not just the result. And believe me, I'm working on this one, this isn't just a youth thing, right? This is a lot of people were like, gotta get to that, gotta get to that, gotta get to that, gotta get to that. And we really don't appreciate the journey at all, at all. But guess what is in the learning, the learning is in that journey, the learning is from the mistakes, the development and the growth and the maturity is in the journey, not the results. So it's important that you will allow yourself to create that freedom.
Right, literally, the freedom in your breath, the freedom in your thinking, the freedom in your actions, to be able to say, I'm going to enjoy this journey. I'm going to enjoy getting from here to here. And this works even on a literal trip.
Sometimes you can get so focused on gotta get there, gotta get there, gotta get there. Gotta get there. You're so wound up, that by the time you get there, you're just exhausted. But what about instead, if on your way of getting there, you're like, Wow, gosh, the sky is so beautiful today. The weather's just amazing.
You know, there might be some annoying people on the road. But overall, everybody's working well together. This is really cool. Got this awesome music playing or this book on tape playing or got great company. This is really cool. I'm enjoying the colors.
I'm enjoying the whatever season it is. I'm enjoying us telling each other jokes or stories or, you know, whatever it is, really take each moment to enjoy it. How can I enjoy this moment? Steaming people? Right? Like you're making a great meal.
How can you just delicious, enjoying the journey? Just saying that gave me chills? Like, yes, each moment is that beautiful and delicious? You deserve it. And so give yourself that it's so important. All right.
So before we move on, I'd like to hear from you. I'd like to hear any questions you have. I'd like to hear any concerns you have I like to hear this sounds like you're really relating to it. Hey, thank you so much for the hearts. Two hearts. Back to you guys. Hey there, Melissa. So good to see you guys. I just I really love that you guys are always taking a look and working into your life, you're taking a look and making a difference for your families, for your future for your businesses. And especially within the relationship with yourself.
You guys just always inspire me on how you're taking that on. And please do share this, go ahead right now and share it to your group or share it to different pages or share it wherever you'd like to share it. Because as much as this might seem like common sense to you. It truly is not. This is stuff that other people have never even heard of. So give yourself that option. So that way you're making sure that you get that information out there. And I'm actually going to share it right now.
To my group. Yep, there we go.
So any time you have a question or a challenge, or a concern, or anything that you want additional support with you let me know. Because what I do is I take the questions that you guys have, and I actually make my live based on those questions because I want it to be pertinent to you. I wanted to answer your questions. I wanted to help give you tools that you can practice and implement as soon as we're talking about it. So please do make sure there is no stupid question.
Please make sure that you're letting me know and that you're sharing it, because I want to hear from you. I want to know how best to serve you in that way.
All right, cool, Lee. So I'm looking here to see if there were any questions and so far, just getting hearts thank you guys.
And Facebook's always a tad bit slow. So if you send it I'll keep a lookout for it. And if by chance I don't see it while we're here live I'll answer your questions after the fact so don't hesitate to still even if you're watching the replay, you can put hashtag replay and write your questions in
Alright COVID Let's get to it. So, when we talk about the ideas really giving yourself the room you need that room you need room to remember that you are human and when you do Guess what? You relieve the anxiety you relieve the stress you give yourself permission to make mistakes. You allow forgiveness. You will allow acceptance you allow growth and maturity. So in doing that you're not giving yourself excuses. That's different. You're giving yourself and under
standing up, okay, this is why this happened. And this is the change I'm making excuses are void of that change, you're bringing in the change, right? So it's like, oh, I caught that. Now I'm over here, got it cool, makes mistakes. Humans do this cool.
Seeing yourself like you would somebody else. And if you're somebody who's a bit angry and aggressive, and you might not be able to have that practice, then we need to talk right away about that. And if you're someone who you want to do this practice, but you have trouble setting boundaries, or you just feel super negative towards yourself, those are things that you want to work on. Those are skills you can change, right? It's a habit that you've created.
And you just need to get some new skills to change that habit. That's it. So you can get off your own, you know, get off your own back, take the pressure off. The other thing we already talked about was creating that freedom to enjoy the journey. As you're moving through. That way, the outcome is really cool. But you're just like, wow, look at what I'm doing. Wow, look at how I got here. Wow, look at all the steps I had to do to make this happen.
And then you're at the result and you're like, then it's just so much more enjoyable. Yeah. Alright, so number three, and these are not in a particular order. By the way, the idea is giving yourself that room to breathe that leniency that gives you permission. Right? So I want you to step into and I talked about this moment ago, step into I am somebody who gives forgiveness. I am somebody who gives grace. I am somebody who allows for mistakes, even from myself.
Now, here's the thing, guys, we've been taught growing up that when you make mistakes, you get punished. If you get a C instead of an A, depending on what kind of parent type you had, you got punished in some way or another or you were ignored.
It allows you to take a look and go, Oh, that's why I have this. Because if it wasn't at home, then maybe the teacher said something negative. Or maybe the kids made fun of you. But there was a negative response if you fail. Oh, laughing!
It's a difference if somebody's laughing because, you know, you startled them with something like Oh, they fell. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. Or, you know, like there's a startle reaction that people have where there's an automatic laughter they're not going hey, you fell I'm glad you're hurt.
Oftentimes, it's like haha, you fell, you look so silly. You look silly now or whatever, it's, it's more about a visual of what they're experiencing. They're not trying to make fun of you. Do you want to know the difference?
That way one, you can go here, I know somebody else fell, it would look kind of funny to versus that person's laughing at my pain, and they're glad that I'm hurting. There's a very, very big difference once a bullying type behavior. And once just a natural response for a lot of people.
For some people, including myself, even when it's super uncomfortable, the more uncomfortable I am, the more I might laugh. It's out of place. But just because I'm so uncomfortable, the laughter relieves the pressure. Right? So it's just something to know that extra little like, oh, okay, because there are some people who are like, No, it's not funny to me when somebody falls. But it's funny to me when somebody falls, I don't want it to be funny, but I just it's funny.
It's funny, when I fall, even though it hurts a lot. It's still funny, I find myself laughing. It's just like this automatic response. And it also takes away the pressure of the uncomfortableness of it. Okay, so keeping that in mind, if you're not able to do that with yourself, think about if you know, you've seen somebody else do something, and they're beating themselves up and you're just like, Hey, you don't deserve that.
You're doing the best that you can. You're doing the best that you can with the tools that you have, and you're even looking for more. So you've got to give yourself a break. You don't get to talk to yourself like that you deserve better. Now, here's the thing, you would really hope that they would take your advice, right?
Yeah, I know you would, you would really hope that they would appreciate themselves, appreciate their work, get that they're an amazing human being and not miss that fact. Yeah.
So you get to get that today if you don't have it yet. And you get to get it anyways. And just be reminded, because it's a good reminder. Think of yourself like that. And you might not have up until today.
Think of yourself as a person who's doing the best that you can with the tools that you have. And you're even looking for more, which is why you're here. So give yourself some leniency and room to grow. Give yourself room to see that these experiences that you're having. They're the best that you can do with the tools that you have right now.
And you're getting more and you're learning more and you're growing, and it's brave, and you get to get the value that you are and here's the cool thing guys. You're in control of it.
This person listens or not, you're in control of if you listen to that advice or not. So you can take it and accept it way easier than if you're giving it to somebody else because you can't control them. But you can control you. Now, you might say I've tried, but I don't know how that's where you want to reach out, right? And also continue to attend these. These are real tools. These are real sessions that I'm giving to you guys.
So see it as that see it, like you and I are in session right now and practice it, right. And allow yourself to talk to you like you're talking to a friend. Hey, look in the mirror, I got a mirror right here. Look into that mirror, right? Like I'm going to win. Imagine I'm looking into a mirror right now.
And speaking to myself, Hey, you're doing the best you can do? You did a great job today. You were at 100%. And there's times when I know I'm more like a 50 just based on energy. And you know, just what I have to give, but that 50% was not 100% for that day. It was that was 100% I could do. And being able to say, hey, you were tired, you were exhausted.
You gave everything that you could do not beat yourself up for the stuff that you couldn't do today. And what can you do to make the change to help yourself? Oh, well, you can get some more rest. You go to bed early tonight. You can take your vitamins during the day, you can make sure you're getting your water.
You can make sure you're speaking to yourself kindly. All right, cool. I'm doing all that. Yeah, I'm feeling better. I'm feeling like well, I've got more energy that just feels lighter. It feels like there's more flow, even though I'm like so totally exhausted. Yeah, that does feel a lot better. Yeah. Okay, cool.
Notice how you change that for yourself. We want it from somebody else. Oftentimes, the only one that can do it is you even if someone speaks positively into your life, you might be like, Oh, I felt good. Two seconds later. Definitely I was. Because it's not coming from in here. It's got to come from you. Versus just toward you. And and at you. Right.
So it's self provoked. That's not the word I was looking for. But that's what I'll use versus external.
Because there's like a little bit of a wall. If we're not believing it, we just it only hits so far. But when you're believing it, it's coming out of you, too. So continues to flow that positive. Yeah, I've got this. I'm doing this. Yeah. They really said that they really felt that I'm really doing that for them. So continue to own that continue to really allow that. And then lastly, and again, these are in particular order. But knowing guys, knowing you are already perfectly you. You might say well wait, you said there's no perfect, right? Okay.
But what if there is a perfectly you? What if, when you look at a baby, you can go oh, look at this little life. It's so perfect. It's the little teeny weeny hands little teeny weeny feet and little teeny weeny body, Little Big Head.
Eyes and the nose and the mouth. Think about when you were born. Of course, you can't remember most people think about it your tiny little toes. Some people have an extra toe look. They got an extra little toe little finger. They've got they've got this they've gotta look at this. They're their eyes, their hair, their skin color, what's their hair gonna be? What's it you know, their eyes gonna change all these different things. Right some of us are born blue and purple.
Hopefully that'll change so it's being able to see wow, you were born perfectly you and you've changed and grown that same perfectly you being you've matured and grown now into an adult which is really just a bigger child still has the thoughts still has the emotion still still matters just the same as a little child. Still just as perfectly them any mistake or experiences just perfectly then anything that they've learned from grown from just perfectly them.
So what if you are perfectly you created exactly who you were supposed to be? And all of the things you've experienced is just part of your journey.
Accepting you loving you, saying that you have been growing and learning. As you're allowing this you're creating an emotional intelligence and it continues to grow. And you can be more mindful of doing it and doing it intentionally. And that's a big part of what I teach my clients to do. Take all these things I just shared with you and practice them intentionally. Being able to to become aware you don't know it because it's it's subconscious.
Become aware of the subconscious things that are running you and you'll be able to figure that out based on your results, your results in your actions are showing you what's the subconscious issue going on. And then being able to learn how to change that thinking in that belief.
And reframing it into a new way of thinking, a new way of understanding, which then changes the emotional experience about it, which then helps you to feel more more motivated with the goals and action steps that you want to take.
And then you find your life is so different. You're communicating the way you want to, you're taking care of your health the way you want to, you're finding healthy relationships, or you're improving your relationship, you're allowing yourself to step into new things, being an entrepreneur, or step into being a parent or creating a new relationship with your child or as the child with the parent, depending on what age.
So there's so many things that this work can change in your life. So allow yourself to practice it, without judgment, without criticism. Without I have to be perfect. When you let all that go.
The rest just flows in giving yourself that room to be human, giving yourself the freedom to enjoy your journey, giving yourself that leniency to allow yourself to grow and make mistakes and see that they're there for you to learn from them. And realize if you go down a dead end, you know not to go down that way anymore, doesn't mean you need to be judged or criticized or punished. Just turn around, go a different way.
Find out what's the better way and you go that way.
And then just allowing yourself to see that you are perfectly you.
There is no one else who is you. So you get to know that fact, you are perfectly you there's only one you even if you're a twin, there's only one you. So it gives you that yeah, this is so totally true.
Let yourself be in that. Let yourself grow in that. Let yourself thrive in that.
And I would love to see you at the freedom from negative thinking Facebook group if you're not already in it. So you can continue to get this information, get the support, be a part of the group posts, the things that are supporting you and helping you and so you can continue to grow in your life. And if you would like to reach me directly, you can reach me here 954-657-3407 You can text me or call, you can also reach me on Messenger or any social media platforms. But the best way is always through text message or phone call. I'm old school that way.
But all the other ways will reach me just as well. And if you don't hear some back from me, just check back again, only because sometimes something seems to have gone through and then it hasn't. And I want to make sure that you get the support that you need and deserve. Guys, thank you so much for being here, you've really done a good job of taking a look at these things. And I want to hear how you're implementing them into your life.
And as you're thinking about them, what changes it's bringing to you. And I look forward to hearing from you. And if you would like anyone who's listening to this, my my my tribe, my Facebook friends which I call my family or my Instagram tribe or any one of you on social media, just let me know that you heard this from there and you can get a breakthrough call with me. And it will be free gift to you. So you can start to see how this can work into your life individually and personally.
You take care of you bring it in big squishy hugs
All right now just so you guys know I'm accepting five clients right now. So if you are interested jump on it. Don't wait because once that gets filled up, I'm going to be on a waitlist for a bit after that. So I look forward to hearing from you talk to you soon. Ciao for now.