Do You Fear Failure?
4 Ways to Step into Your Future Confidence Now
Video Dated: Oct 07, 2021
All right, we are live 321. Action. All right, how are you guys? What action do you have going on in your life? And what are we going to talk about today? What are you going to learn how you're going to implement this? So today we are talking about failure. Yay. Tell me what you think failure means in your life. Tell me what you have believed about yourself and failure. Tell me what you believe about others, and failure. I would really love to hear what you think, and what's going on in your life and how things are coming up. Because it's our definition and our belief, both on a conscious level and a subconscious level that can really get us. I mean, it could really take us for a loop and it will. So let me know in the comments, what it is that you think how it might hold you back? Where's it showing up? And take a look at really understanding how you believe about it is going to be all the difference in what results you have. So if you're having results that show up like, yeah, I have failure all the time, I feel so frustrated, I feel like I'm not where I want to be I just, you know, I just really feel like I'm in judgment of myself and the situation. No matter how hard I try, it just keeps being a struggle. So take a look and see, if you have failure, meaning I am a failure, I will fail. No matter how hard I try, everything's going to be difficult. Take a look and see if that's what you've got going on. really awful. That was really painful. You do not deserve that. Now, maybe you have a different understanding that says no, I understand that failure is part of just living life. But I really would like for life to be a lot better, right? I'm doing the best that I can. And I still feel like I'm not where I want to be. So even though I have a different perspective on failure, and I see that it's part of life, I would really like to be able to say I'm doing great, I'm successful, I have the money, I want to have the relationships, I want to have the help that I want. People are respecting me. Yeah. So I feel good. So I appreciate failure even more, because the failures that I've been through have taught me to grow. That's what I want to be able to say, here's the thing, there may be something going on on a subconscious level that's holding you back, you might on a conscious level have changed the things you want to change. But on a subconscious level, there's things in the back of your mind saying you can't do that. You can't be better at things, it's going to make other people look bad, it's going to make people think that you know, you're, you think you're better, or it's you know, you you can't do that you're at your end, no, there is just not possible. So even before we get into 123, and four to be able to help you look at how you define failure. And here's what I'd like you to do, take a piece of paper, write fold it in half, and when you fold it in half, it gives you the line down the middle. And you could take a pen, while it's folded in half, draw a little line
is not wanting to behave. Super simple. So you're just getting a left and right column. That's the goal in that what you're doing. And what you're going to do is you're going to get real clear on what's your negative thinking about it. So on the left hand side, you're gonna write any negative thoughts about success, any negative thoughts about confidence, any negative thoughts about failure? And I use those other words, you know, that confidence and that success? Because that's the other side, right? For some people, you might see, well, you know, failure, the other side of failure for me is feeling good enough. The other side of failure for me is feeling adequate. The other side of failure for me is feeling accepted. So look and see what's the other side of failure for you. And as you do this activity, you're writing the negative to the left to the left, and then you're writing the positive. So positive could be what have I learned from failure? How has failure helped me? What are you know, when I have this belief about failure? What's a positive what's a blessing from that? And this is an activity that really helps you get very clear on what you believe. And by the way, if this is something you can't figure out on your own. I've been practicing this for a year. yours with my clients, let me know I offer a free breakthrough call, this could be what we do on that call for you getting you set up. So you can become very much aware of how you might be self sabotaging. very much aware on how you might have incorrect beliefs that are steering you in the wrong direction, how you might have some stuff that you've brought from your past your family, your thoughts, your culture that are holding you back. It's just part of what happens when we're growing up. So you'll be able to see that it's not about blame or judgment or, you know, I can't believe it's not about any of that. That's part of what's holding you back. Okay. So taking a look at the steps. So what we're going to be doing is looking at, how is it that I can get myself the confidence now that I need. And here's the thing, if I'm in constant judgment and constant pain and constant, not good enough, you can't grow. You just can't grow. So number one, take a look at what's needed, versus telling yourself what's wrong. Or asking yourself what's wrong. So people have this habit of going, Oh, geez, you're not where you want to be? What's wrong with you? Why can't you be like this? And why can't you be like that. And especially with social media, when we see, you know, just the little highlights of people's lives, we think that's people's lives. We don't see the struggle, we don't see the pain, we don't see the stuff that they're going through, we just see, oh, look, they're all happy and everything's wonderful. And, and that's not happening for me. So I must be doing it wrong. You're not wrong, you're growing, you're on a journey. So stop judging your journey, stop judging, you stop judging your progress, and realize this is your opportunity to look and see. What do I need? If if I failed that? What didn't work? What will work? So number one, asking yourself, what do I need? Instead of saying, What's wrong with me, get rid of that vocabulary, there is nothing wrong with you cut it out. You have been perfectly made. Right? You are perfectly you no one can be you. No one can reach the people you can reach no one can share the message you can share. So asking yourself, what do I need? What's needed in this situation, what's needed for my thinking, what's needed for my health, what's needed for me to get through this process in a different way? What support is needed? What's missing? Not what's wrong with me what's missing. And then you're able to fill it in. Okay? Number two, get the support that you need.
When you learn your life, you were in school, you got the support you needed. You had mentors, you got the support that you needed, you or you had people to show you what not to do, you got the support you needed, although it wasn't the way you wanted it. So get the support you need, get the tools you need, get the skills you need, get the support you need, ask questions, take a look at books, or look at how to on on Google on Facebook, there's so much resources, but set that time aside to be able to learn and if you can't do it on your own part of the tools is getting the support that you need. And you can't tell me, I don't have enough time, and I don't have enough money. There are so many people offering free resources. I have been in financial struggle a good part of my life, because I didn't grow up with that kind of support. I mean, the the support that I had was being in foster care as the reason I was able to do certain things. But it's because I also followed the rules where most of the kids didn't. So it's important to see there is help out there. You can get grants, you can get loans, which you know, are not the best. But if you have things set up, you'll be able to pay it back. So you can invest into yourself, you can invest into your like PayPal, six months, no interest free. I use PayPal all the time, so I don't have to pay interest on the credit I use. Why not? That's a tool. I have people that I work with trade. That's a tool. I have coaches that I pay. You know, and sometimes I might have to use credit initially. That's a tool, looking things up online. When you asked yourself, well, what's needed and you start to get the answers, look up those things, as people who've already done it. And it doesn't have to be like this major support system. Be like, Hey, you're a business owner. How did you do this and this and that. There we go. Can you show me how you did this? People enjoy helping. So take a look at who you're asking. If they're being reactive and they don't have time and they're overwhelmed and then that's not the person to be asking. So be careful, if you're not creating some way to self sabotage. So then you'll have somebody, I don't have time for that. Why are you asking me that? Oh, that's gonna be $500? To answer that question for you. Ask who is going to be the best support for you, just like your support for other people get the tools that you need. And notice, if you have a belief system set up that says, I've got to do everything myself. I can't rely on people. Everything's going to cost a lot of money. Everything's going to take a lot of time. Take a look and see what negative thoughts, what negative belief system do you have going on and jot it down, get real clear on what's holding you back, because that's showing up more on your subconscious mind what you're not quite aware of. And so it's getting in your way, because you're just looking here. So you're not seeing what's tripping you up? The more you become aware of it, the more you can stop it and see what's tripping you up? Yeah, got it. Share with me what thoughts you have so far, share with me what's coming up for you share with me how you can implement this, put it in the comments. And if it takes time, because Facebook takes a little bit of time, I'll come back. And I look at those comments, and I'll answer your questions for you. My goal and being here is for you to help you get the resources and tools that you need. Because others did it for me. Right. And I know I couldn't have done it on my own. I could not have done it on my own. That's just the way it works. Right? I didn't learn how to eat on my own. I didn't learn how to walk on my own. They weren't all the best. How do I put that they weren't the best teachers, like my parents really were very harsh and painful. But I saw who I didn't want to be. And in some of that they were good and kind and loving. And so then in some of those ways, I saw what I wanted to be. I saw what to move me forward. And then I saw what wasn't going to work not to do that. But sometimes all we see is what not to do. We don't have the tools of what to do. So let yourself go through that process. Hey there, Maria. It's nice to see you darlin. Aw, thank you,
you are lovely to number three, change your beliefs. So we've already been talking about that a little bit. And I've already given you some examples, but specifically around failure, specifically around your confidence. If you find that you're faking it until you make it, but the faking never stops, you just always feel like you're just faking it, then there's something going on on a subconscious level telling you that you can't telling you that you're not good enough telling you that you're going to fail, that has to get changed. Otherwise, you're lying to yourself. If you have a belief, a core belief that says I can't do this, I can't make this, I can't go there. I can't, I can't, I can't. Or you're gonna fail, you're gonna try. But this is your this is your wall. This is your limit, you can't get past that. So I don't know what you're thinking for. It's just the belief system that you made up a long time ago, that was there to help you stay safe. It wasn't there to hurt you. But it is hurting, it is holding you back. It isn't like really creating destruction for you. It's creating those blocks that you keep running into that ceiling, you keep hitting. So as you're able to take a look and see, you're able to stop that stuff that's going on, stop that negativity, stop that pain. Because here's the thing, guys, it will send you through loops of emotion. It'll send you through anger, it'll send you through inadequacy, it'll send you through stress, it'll send you through sadness, it'll send you through feeling like you're the only one and feeling like you're alone. So it'll send you through loneliness. And when any one of those are not handled, and you're just looping them, you hit high levels of frustration. And then because the body just keeps getting more and more frustrated, then it it has to depress that. So you can function. So now you're in depression, a part that says whatever, I don't care, just, just whatever just, I just gotta get through the day. I just got to get to sleep, I just gotta get a drink. I just got to get a meal. I just thought it was just got to focus over here, because this is better. You know, I just got to, you know, get that joint. I just got to, you know, get some sacks. I just got to, you know, something else other than handling the situation. And then you keep looping through that. And without even noticing it quickly because your mind works very quickly. When you teach it a pattern. You'll find you have a thought you have an emotion, you have frustration you have a feeling of giving up or depression or sadness or, you know, I keep doing this running, running, running around.
And that ends up being your lifestyle and your are exhausted, just tired. All day this morning get up, I want to do things,
my body feels heavy, right? All of those various things can becoming a priori could look very different. It could be like, I always feel anxious, I always feel this heightened level of energy, I always feel like almost like I'm electrical, like, my brain won't stop. Or it could be a hybrid of both. I can't sleep, I'm not eating right, I'm eating too much, or I'm not eating enough. And yet, I'm still not losing weight, or I'm gaining weight fast, or I'm losing too much weight. You'll see all these different things going on. If you see that your beliefs are not in alignment with where you're headed. Because then you're fighting yourself. Literally, you're fighting yourself. And so of course, you're going to be exhausted. Right? Kind of like let's say guy's name, Jim Carrey. Okay, keep in mind, do you mind you spend so much time beating yourself up so much time fighting yourself, you're exhausted and be able to put effort into your day. So when you change your belief system, you find more ease, you find that you're working with yourself, you're working on the path to getting what you want. And that part of you that was in resistance is now instead your cheerleader. And that's what I do, guys. So ask me right, set up a time for your breakthrough call, you could see my information over here 954-657-3407. Text me, call me. Let me know what's going on. We could set up a free breakthrough call for you, we can set up your sessions. You can also take a look, I'll put the link in here for you, I have the breakthrough negative thinking program. We can start out with you, you could start the full program or just partial, I'll put the link in here for you so you can see the full program. And then if you see Yeah, I do love that. But I haven't been able, you know, you know, whatever you think whatever might be getting in the way, then we can look at alternatives, we can look and see what works better for you. So do not tell yourself any excuses. I can't I won't the time that this dad or whatever. Talk to me. Let yourself look at your options. Just like test driving a car, it feels good. You're gonna get something out of it. So do it. The offers there. And it's always there. My company before I renamed it and rebranded to sparks hope, hope was a touch that gives back. And I still live that right. God had people changed my life. God had people touch my mind with their words and their thoughts. God had me do years and years and years of training, personal development, education, spirituality, you name it. Right, I've got my, my MBA in business I've got with healthcare management, I've got my bachelor's in psychology, I've got 24 years of working with people. I've got the training and mindset, I've got the training and personal development, I've you know, don't take 24 years to change your life. Let me give you all that information. Let me give you the tools of how to do it. Let me stand there with you and help you to practice it. Let me roleplay with you and your spouse, or you and your children, or you and whomever it is that you're working with. So you can figure it out. And you don't have to do it on your own. So you then get the skills and the tools and the practice and the mindset. You get immersed in something that's brand new. So then you know how you also have a fallback like I tried, but there's something I can't see. You need to be able to have help with the blind spots, and we have them all over the flippin place. Once you're aware of them, they're no longer a blind spot. Then you're aware of what you need. You practice it, you've got it down. You don't need me anymore. This isn't a permanent thing. Allow yourself to change your life. This is your life. You only have a certain amount of it. Right? We don't know what our expiration date is. So handle that for yourself. And then lastly, number four, celebrate yourself. Right? celebrate those baby steps. celebrate those giant steps. Celebrate what you're doing. So you can reinforce into your mind who you are and what you've got going on. When you give yourself that up. Opportunity, you're able to see, what do I need? How can I grow? Oh, I just do that. Okay, got it.
And then you just do it. It doesn't have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be super scary emotions will come up and we'll work through those emotions. You'll learn how they're helpful. You'll learn what to do with them. So that way, when they come up, you're like, oh, okay, well, I know, it's just this. You've got to let yourself get the help. The support, the guidance, the celebrating yourself, the mindset change. It's not hard. But because it's new. It's not easy. Right? Kind of like riding a bike wasn't really hard. You might have fallen down a couple of times, but you really enjoyed yourself. Peter says, you definitely know how to help. Thank you so much, Peter. Yeah, guys. Oh, my gosh. Give you an example. Peter has learned and grown and shifted and changed his whole family. And these, these are grown people. So many people think, Oh, well, you know, I'm in my 30s, I'm in my 40s, I'm in my 50s, I'm in my 60s, I can't change. No, you can change at any age. I have another client who just recently graduated the foundational level. And he's like, Oh, my gosh, I did not expect to get all of what I've gotten. And this shorter time. Finances going up prosperity going up it relationships, improving, or getting relationships that weren't there, creating connection, creating peace in a relationship, creating communication in a relationship, creating respect in a relationship. finding yourself having more time and energy to invest in your career. So your finances are going up, being able to set boundaries for yourself. So you're able to ask for what you want without feeling ashamed or guilty or not good enough. And that's just a few things guys. Being able to talk to your kids, when maybe you haven't in years, being able to have your kids talk back to you, where the two of you can actually have a relationship and hear each other. Like, I'm able to do that with teenagers, if they're willing to do the work. Teenagers, most people think they're getting through to that. It's not true. They are so stuck in their own pain. They are so stuck in their own beliefs, their subconscious beliefs that they think are real. When it's finally broken down, and they're like, Wait, this isn't real. I don't have to live like this. I don't have to think like this. I don't have to hate my parents. They don't hate me. They don't want to live there. Don't think that they do. It sucks. And this isn't just teenagers, this is adult children. I work with adult children into their 50s and 60s who are dealing with their parents in their 80s and 90s. And it's the same stuff. So it can change, I promise you, Peter is living proof that it can change individually. With families with relationship with health. It's just being willing to say hey, I need to figure out what I need. Instead of asking or blaming yourself that something's wrong. It's being able to say hey, you know what, I I want to get some support in this. It's really heavy. I need some help carrying it. Actually, you know how to help me put it down. Don't carry it anymore. It helps you to be able to change your beliefs. Gain that competence right now, in your very first call with me. So you can step into your life feeling better. And number four, celebrate yourself, celebrate yourself with your friends, celebrate yourself and having fun, celebrate yourself. So you are pouring that positive. All of a sudden, I just lost the name of it. Endorphins is not the word but the positive chemical that's going through your body reinforces in your brain. I think it's adorable. Reinforces in your brain. Oh, I like this. Oh, I want to keep doing this. Oh, yeah. And so continue, continue, continue continue. Just like the thought they came up just like if you have a child and they're learning how to go potty. You're like, yeah, look, you went pee in the potty. You went poopy. Do you celebrate your poop? You should. Right? It feels so good to be able to clean out your body and so many people's bodies are not functioning properly. So they don't go to the bathroom for days. Or they might go to the bathroom all the time. And it Just doesn't, you know, it's inconvenient, how much they have to go to the bathroom.
Celebrate if your body is able to go to the bathroom every hour and kind of flush itself out going, urinating, celebrate yourself, if your body's able to clean out and defecate once, you know, one to three times a day, celebrate that appreciate your body for taking care of you. Appreciate you for taking care of your body. So it's got proper functioning, celebrate that. And it doesn't have to mean you're like, yeah. But it's like, yeah. All right. Thanks, buddy. Thanks for taking care. And if those things aren't happening, then your body is an indicator of something that's not working. What do I need, oh, I need some more fiber is that's not working. Or if I'm bloating too much, I'm eating something I shouldn't be eating, even if it's a healthy thing like broccoli. I help people lose weight, and I help people with their eating lifestyle, which is why I'm having this conversation with you. Because eating is one of the number one things that affects everything. drinking the water that you need, helps the brain to feel clean and clear. And focus helps your muscles to be able to function helps all the synapses flow from the brain down through the central nervous system down out into the peripheral nervous system. If you don't have water, everything inside is like sticky. And so when it tries to move through, it's actually almost been stuck. And so you can't think properly, you can't move properly, you get injured, often, you're tired, often you're in a fog often. Allow yourself to take care of these things. Loving yourself, getting that support getting those tools. That's part of it. All right, review. Number one, asking yourself what's needed versus what's wrong. Number two, get the support that you need, whether it's in tools, skills, practice, mindset, help, self care. Number three, change your beliefs. And number two, will help you with number three, if you number two, right. If you don't take care of the crap, you won't be able to do what you need. So allow yourself to get the support that you need to be able to take care of the beliefs that are going on that you're blind to. Okay, I've got them. And so I have a coach, you have to. And then number four, celebrate your growth. celebrate those baby steps, celebrate those big steps, celebrate it by sharing with your friends, celebrate it by having fun, pick the right friends. So what I keep mentioning to you is notice how you define notice how you define failure. Notice how you define getting support, oh, I can't get support, it means I'm weak. Yeah, and take a look at that stuff. Right? You might laugh. But it's true. If it's stopping you if there's something stopping you from getting support that's going on. There's judgment in there. Finding out what kind of friends do you have? Do they even? Would they call you a friend to? What is it? That is a good friend? Is this person that? Am I just calling them a friend because I just call them a friend. I was there for them. I loved them. And so I thought that was the same for me. But they're not there for me. They don't have time for me, they actually put me down. They're jealous of stuff that I do. They're condescending, take a look at that. That's not a friend. That's an incorrect definition. And so you want to make sure that you're not choosing incorrect friends to celebrate with, because otherwise that's going to leave you feeling lonely and isolated, and insecure. So you want to find friends who are real friends, find friends who are kind and loving and caring and supportive friends who are taking on their own life, not just living through you. Right? Meaning, oh, well, you know, Oh, I love that you did that. I wish I could have that too. It's so easy for you. Or, you know, they're just not taken on their own life. You want to have friends who are doing the same thing you're doing in some regard. Like, like, I'm a coach. My friends aren't coaches. So we'll actually have a lot of coach friends, but they're growing in different ways that I'm growing there. Or friends who are not coaches, they're taking on their life. And so just like just like them, I'm taking on my life. So it's a good match. They helped me grow they inspire me my husband, oh my gosh, he he wants nothing to do with this stuff. Is like whatever I work all day. I don't want to come home at work. I don't want to go network. I don't want to go deal with people. So yeah. That part is not what he does. But the party does to supportive, loving, uplifting, loves what I do, loves who I am. Right. And so that makes such a difference. Versus if you're in a relationship with somebody who's always struggling.
They don't want to do the work. They're miserable people, that's kind of be such a wear down on you. So if you're in that relationship, and you love that person, and then you're not planning to go anywhere, just don't look for support from them, they can't even support themselves emotionally. Don't look for emotional support from them. And don't expect it or you're being unfair. If they don't have the capability, then, you know, whether you think a husband or wife should have it tough, you're wrong. They don't, and you pick someone who didn't. So give yourself a break, give other people a break, choose the people who can support you, and then you'll feel supported, then you'll feel accepted, then you'll feel part of something. And it continues to reinforce it's a wonderful positive loop instead of the negative loops I've been talking about. All right, please let me know any questions you have. Please let me know how this has helped you. Please let me know who you're going to share this with. Because although this may seem like common sense to you, it's not common sense. It's stuff that people haven't heard before. And it's something they're just, they're dying to know. And in some cases, people might be seriously struggling. This might be something that helps them out have a really hard place. So get the information below these tools. Let me know how you're doing. Reach out to me. My informations over here. 954-657-3407. You can personal message me? Don't wait. Do not wait. Why? This is your life. Who knows if you have tomorrow, handle it today. So you don't have any regrets? All right, darling, you take care of you read in big squishy hugs. Huh. Step into your confidence. Know that you are amazing. Know that you were created for this path that you're on. This is your journey. Do not judge this journey. Celebrate every step. So when you look back, you can see your progress each and every day. Wow. I did that. Sweet. And then as you're celebrating, letting other people know, guess what I did? Oh my gosh. So they can see what's possible for them. Share this information, share your successes. And I will talk to you next Wednesday. Let me know what challenges are coming up for you. A lot of you in the group have shared with me different topics and I'm addressing topics as we go. And so please let me know how. How In addition, I can support you so as you're listening to a topic if you're like, Ooh, that was really good or Oh, that brought up a new question. Let me know and I'll add it to the Facebook Live each Wednesday at 8:30am. Eastern time. You take care of you Ciao for now Oh, it's not letting us go okay, there we go. All right. Bye, guys. Love you