Are Your Emotions Consuming You?
Video Dated: Oct 04, 2021
Hello, hello. Okay, so I am going live and things were not working a moment ago, but they are. So let me know if you are here by giving a shadow giving a comment. Let me know if you have any questions about the topic. Or if you're like, ooh, this topic is something that I really see in my life, I do see that emotions consume me or I do see that I don't really understand emotions. So let me know because I want to make sure this is interactive for you. So what emotion would you say consumes you the most? Would you say that it's anger? Would you say that it's frustration? What would you say actually gets you as far as emotions. So for me, I think my number one is inadequacy, to be totally honest and transparent. And I always am with you guys. Because I want you to see that I am practicing what I teach. And that is why I do this work. Because I myself have my own stuff to work on. Right. So for me, what comes up is a lot of fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, I'm afraid of this afraid that afraid of this, you know, afraid I'm gonna mess up afraid, I'm not going to be perfect, afraid that, you know, I might not make the impact,
I want to make afraid, you know, just all these What if, you know, not good enough, not perfect enough kind of stuff. And I know a lot of you have shared with me that that's, that's familiar for you too. And so this is definitely something that I want to make sure that we talk about, and help you to understand that emotions do not have to consume you at all, emotions are here to help you see what you need. They're here to help you see how you can help yourself. We were given these with an intention for them to support us and guide us not to hurt us. So number one, the first thing is to take a look at what's going on why am I feeling this way? What do I need? Instead of what's wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this, this is terrible with judgment and criticism, or, you know, fear of I'm not good enough, I'm broken, I'm terrible. Nobody's gonna love me or this is all gonna go wrong. I can't ever have the right relationship, I can't ever have enough time I feel so overwhelmed. Whatever it is, right, any one of those.
So what we're going to do is we're going to take a look at these various emotions, and be able to see how they're impacting you how they're affecting you, and how you can make that change. So number one, we're going to take a look at each emotion and how it breaks down. And then the thing that you're going to notice, and this is what I love about this author, I'm gonna share this book with you. He explains it in such a way that it's broken down into categories. So then it doesn't have to be so trying, right? It doesn't have to be So emotions are bad. There's something wrong with me, this is so hard. I don't know what to do. I need to get a drink, I need to have sex, I need to read a book I need to anything to do to get ourselves away from emotion. And that's not healthy. It's okay to distract ourselves for a little while. So we can calm down and get things into perspective. That's so great. However, what we often do is we often stick in them, right?
So it's important to know that number one, your emotions are just an indicator right there. They're not telling you that there's something wrong with you. They're not telling you that, oh my gosh, it means I can't do this. They're not telling you any of that stuff. It's not true, right. And so it's seriously important that you take a look at what it really means. So for example, and if you would like a copy of this page, I share this page with others, but one through eight, board like dissatisfied anger, guilt, sadness, loneliness, inadequacy, stress and fear. So that's one through eight. There's a second level of frustration. And there's a third level of depression. And I'll go into those in a moment. But I want you to understand something. Number two, your emotions are coming up because of what you're thinking. You think something your emotion matches it. Now sometimes you're not sure or aware of what you're thinking and that's okay. I have clients who they just always stay in one state overwhelmed, or they always stay in one state frustration. They always stay in one state depression or they find a loop frustration depression, frustration, depression or or fear, frustration, depression fear.
So they're aware of maybe one emotion. Like I'm always in anger, or I'm always in sadness, I'm always in inadequacy, I'm always in not good enough, I'm always in gotta be perfect. So it just depends on which one's coming up. But you'll begin to notice as you practice this, most likely, there's many more that are there. Oftentimes, when I'm going through this with someone, it's every single emotion, or at least seven of them, seven out of eight, that's there. And when one emotion is not taken care of, then you get to the next level of frustration. So let's imagine if there were just these eight emotions that you could take every emotion and drop them down into these. It just makes it easier to kind of take a look at what you're feeling what you're doing. And then if you wanted to name it outside of this, you could, but this kind of narrows it down to help you see what's needed.
So for example, let's say you're having the experience of dissatisfied. So what if when you have that experience of dissatisfied, you can take a look and go, Oh, you know, what, I don't have the things in my life I need, there are steps that I know I need to be taking. But fear is stopping or doubt is stopping me or whatever the emotion is that you've got going on that stopping you. So then you can take a look and go, Oh, well, I'm dissatisfied, because I'm thinking I should have done that. And I didn't. I'm thinking I've tried these things, and they're not working. So what the heck, instead of being able to think okay, so I've tried this, that means this isn't where I want to be. What else? Right? Hey, there's Hypno coaching. You haven't tried that yet? Hey, there's some other things you haven't tried yet. Right? Like, say, for instance, I've been to the doctor, I've tried some different things about some health concerns I've been having, nothing's working.
They say everything's fine. So now I'm going to try an acupuncturist, to to, to take a look at, like the triple part warmer area, and, you know, kind of get flow going and that kind of thing. I also do Hypno coaching with myself, like the Hypno meditations, I do, I do everything that I share with you. But sometimes I get so busy, I don't practice it on a consistent basis. So I've got to jump back in there. Uh huh. So taking a look at what's going on what is the negative thinking that you have that's limiting you that's causing this emotion. Now, I know some of you, some of you don't know how to connect to your positive emotions, either. And so if that's the case, let me know. That's a whole other session that we can get into. So I have clients sometimes that are just stuck in one emotion. And really, what they begin to understand is they're just stuck in the same pattern of thinking. And so I help people take a look at what's the mindset, what's the perspective? What's the belief, then help them begin to understand, hey, what is this thought? And what is this thought? And what is this thought leading you to? What emotion is it pulling you to?
So we talked about feeling dissatisfied? What about anger? Anger tells you that something is unjust and unfair, or you're believing it's unjust and unfair, when quite possibly, it's not. Hey there, Jackie, she says she's late. It's okay darlin, you're here and you can always watch the replay. I am good. Thank you for asking. We're going over today talking about these various emotions and how God gave them to us, our bodies were made to have them. They were not made to push them away. They're not made to be wrong or broken. So anger tells us that something is unjust and unfair. And we need to set a boundary. A big part of this problem is people do not know how to set boundaries. They wait until they're so totally pissed off. And then they're like, rah, rah, rah. And what does that person hear? Anger, frustration, tone, judgment. They're not hearing what you say.
They're not hearing your words at all. So it's important to notice how to set boundaries how to do that for yourself. Because if you don't know how, all thank you for sharing, Jackie, if we don't know how to do something, it doesn't mean that we're stupid, doesn't mean that we're bad or broken. Or, you know, we have no common sense. All that's judgmental, just means you haven't learned it yet. I don't know French. I haven't taken the time to learn it yet. That doesn't mean anything except I haven't taken the time to learn it yet. I don't know Spanish. I didn't take the time to learn it. And I forgot because they didn't practice it. So it just allows you to see oh, I need that practice. I just need to do that. That's all that means. Remove the judgment, remove the criticisms remove the I've got to be perfect. Remove that stuff. You don't deserve it.
Then let's take a look at guilt. Oh, those of you who love your guilt, right, me too. We love our Guilt let's guilt us up. We're so bad. We're so wrong. We're never good enough. You never did. You did this, but you didn't do that guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. What is guilt for? Guilt is there to say, hey, you've done something to somebody, or to yourself, that you need to clean up. That's what guilt is for guilt is there to help us clean stuff up, to help us with our conscience to say, Hey, that's not what we want to be doing. That's not who we want to be. That's not who we are. And so it's important to allow yourself to notice if you're guilting yourself and beating yourself up, or guilting somebody else, and see what you need to do to cut that out. You don't deserve that. They don't deserve that. It's totally unfair. It's totally unkind. And it's not who you want to be. The cool thing about guilt, the cool thing about any of these emotions, is as soon as you handle it, it's gone. That's when you know, you've handled it, if it's there, and it's stuck around, and it's like this little sticky. Every time I think about this, it comes back up and something else is going on. There's something else that you can't let go of around that area. And that just needs attention. Right?
You just have a thought about it that says, I can't let myself go on this, I gotta beat the heck out of myself. And it might be something that was really terrible, terrible that you did or said. And, you know, sometimes when we do something really terrible, it's sticky. Right? It's just like, Oh, I wish I hadn't done that. That was so Oh, man. The results of that were just were heavy. And, and so see how sometimes we can be repeating. If we've already done it, and we've already cleaned it up. You've already allowed ourselves to be forgiven. We know we're not going to do it again. We know we learned from that experience, there is sometimes a pain, like, Oh, gosh. And then allow yourself to just remind yourself, yes, I have that forgiveness, I have that shift, I have that change that I created, I do not have to go back into this space and relive it again. And it's okay, that pops up. But just notice what's going on. Notice if you've cleaned it up, notice if you've gone through the process, and notice the feeling when it pops back up.
Are you able to shift out of it? Is it just a thought that you're just like, oh, because sometimes you might have done something and yet the consequences just so heavy, so painful for ourselves or someone else? And it's just like, right, been there done that? So if you have it, and you can go okay, I forgive you. That was rough. Sorry, you did that. All right. What's that? What's that feeling coming up for? What's that thought coming up for? What is the lesson in this that it's here to help us to see today, which could just be, you know, hey, I need some extra nurturing today, I need some extra forgiveness. Today, I need to do something especially nice for somebody today, this is just reminding me to reach out and do something kind. Whatever, it's there, it's there for a reason. It's there to help you to remember to not do that again. And once you have learned that lesson, you do not have to keep repeating it. If you continue bringing it up. And if you continue repeating it, you are doing it to hurt you. And then that's the habit you want to stop. That's the negative thinking that you're practicing.
There's something in there that says, oh, I want to punish you with this. And sometimes it happens not even out of pure choice. Right? Sometimes it happens because you had the thought or something brought the thought up and it's just like oh, and then you can shift. If it stays, then there's something you're stuck. And that just needs help. And that's okay. The other emotions, I'm going to go through them, sadness, loneliness, and then I'm going to jump to inadequacy. So sadness is really just about you're having yourself feel a particular loss or grief about something. And it might be real loss and grief that you're experiencing now and in the moment, or it might be a loss and grief that you experienced a long time ago. And you just keep making yourself feel it because you don't know how to work through it. The same thing with loneliness, it's really about connecting with others. But if you have this sadness and this loss, oftentimes they'll collapse in together. And when we're feeling sad, we isolate and create that loneliness. the inadequacy of boy inadequacy ties into fear quite a bit.
And so, when you're telling yourself you're not good enough, you're telling yourself you have to be perfect. You're telling yourself, you're bad or wrong in some particular way, then you're going to find that inadequacy coming up you're going to find that extra stress and that extra fear. So some of these emotions, they seem to collapse. So it's important to notice each one needs something different Sometimes if you handle one, the rest are gone. If I handle inadequacy, the fear about things is gone. The stress about it is gone. The sadness around it is gone, the guilt around it is gone, the anger around it is gone, the dissatisfied around it is gone, Hey, I just needed to handle the inadequacy. And it handles the rest, because sometimes one will provoke the others. And in most cases, you'll see one provokes the others, which is why it can seem so overwhelming. And as if everything's being hit at once. And then one last point. And then we'll talk about the other two emotions that he discusses at different levels.
When you're in all of these things, there's a subconscious level that kind of like the iceberg picture, you see what's on the surface, and then things underneath, there's so much underneath that if you're you don't know how to get to it, no matter what you do, it's going to come back up, because you have an underneath belief. And so no matter what you try to change on the conscious level, the subconscious mind has got this protector that says no, no, this stuff you have under here, this keeps us safe, we can't let this go. And so it's important to allow yourself to practice some things on a more subconscious level. And that looks more like meditation, where the conscious mind is more relaxed, that looks more like like when you're laughing, and you're listening to something that's got comedy, you're able to take more things in, it's just how the mind works. There's also when you create an a deep trust of someone, you're able to hear what they have to say and and if they can break it down for you and help them mind to understand what it's going through, then things can shift. Kind of like when you were a little kid. And then all of a sudden, you were told that there is no Santa Claus or Tooth Fairy or any of that stuff.
Don't play this funny little kids, by the way. For some children, their mind goes through a shock and a panic because this was such a beautiful thing that they had. But because the whole world now is telling them there isn't they have to accept it. And so it's shoved and forced into their subconscious mind. For some other children. They were gradually brought into it. And so they're like, Yeah, you know, there's nothing. The same thing like that happens when there's anything going on in life, any new milestone can create this experience. And it will force us to have all of these emotions and all this experience. And it forces us to grapple with things on a subconscious level, because we have no choice in some regard. Finally, COVID kind of like getting married, kind of like having a child or having the children leave home. It's just gonna happen. So we're forced into it. So it's hard. But there are ways to do it or doesn't have to be hard. And that's where meditation comes in. And it's when you're practicing meditation with changing something that's all self programming is that's all self hypnosis is that's all that mind reset mind retraining is, is helping your mind to create that retraining on a different level, not just on a logical level where the mind is fighting with it, but where you kind of calm the mind down.
And the subconscious mind just absorbs and listens through pictures, your stories, your ideas, your understanding about emotions. All right. So now the last couple of motions, when any one of those emotions are not addressed. You're going to find yourself getting a level of frustration. So there are times when you might say to yourself, Oh, I'm so frustrated. But I want you to take a look Jackie says that's so true. If it's a habit we need to get with you. Yeah, I mean if you guys really see that you're stuck in any of these habits of these emotions or patterns or thinking that is what I do. And you can reach me my number 954-657-3407 You can reach me on coach Tammy star with my let's see, Coach Tammy star is my Instagram coach Tammy Star One is my Twitter. I deleted my account by accident once and so that kind of mess that up. You can reach on my Facebook page sparks hope hope my my business used to be a touch that gives back so you may know me from there. So either way, reach out to me and let me know what you're struggling with. I also answer questions here Wednesday live 815 Eastern time every week. So please do share your challenges. Share your questions because that way this can be so much more personal for you. Thank you so much Jackie. For that reminder. I I don't always remind myself to share with you guys until the end. So please do I have a breakthrough call that you can reach out to me and we will address so many things.
You'll be so surprised what you learn just from that first call. Okay, so when you hit frustration that's a red flag. I don't have a little flag but think about a red flag waving your frustrated, that means one of these emotions or all of these emotions are being hit. So let's take a look at what's probably the biggest one running this conversation in your mind right now. And like I mentioned, for me, inadequacies almost always going to be my number one. Fear is the biggest that I feel. But when I take a look at what am I afraid of? Well, I'm afraid because I'm telling myself, I'm gonna fail, I'm afraid because I think that's not gonna work, I'm afraid because it just doesn't look perfect to me. My fears stemming from inadequacy, to Ha. Then if frustration gets so high, right, it builds, builds, builds, builds, builds, builds, builds, we can only take so much the mind and body has to protect itself. And so begins to decompress, and bring that back down. So the body can feel calmer. Now, here's what happens when we get into the depressed state. We say things like, whatever, I don't care, I don't care anymore.
I just, I'm not going to do this. I'm just I'm giving up, forget it, I'm going to bed Leave me alone, I'm getting ice cream, I need to go get pornography, I need to go have sex, I need to, I need to go get a drink, I need to take a nap. I need to call a friend, I need to avoid, I need to do the dishes or the laundry, I need to do something other than whatever the emotion is. Now, there is nothing wrong with letting yourself be distracted for a short time. It kind of calms down the mind. It lets you get things together. So I'm not judging if you go into a space of distraction for a moment, or two or 10 minutes or whatever. But notice if that's a repeat pattern, kind of like what Jackie saying, if it's a repeat pattern, it needs to be addressed. Otherwise, you will continue to do that pattern and train your brain. That's how you need to handle that problem. Ouch. Don't do that. How many of you have done that already? Lots, lots, lots lots. Before I learned how to do this work, that's all I did. That is all I did. I didn't know how to do it different.
Right? I saw my therapists, I did personal development. I went to Bible studies, I took notes, I did trainings, after trainings, after trainings, because my resolve my answer was learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, learn, and I'll get better learn somehow, one day, that was my fix. I became addicted to learning. But I never implemented it. I can't say never I didn't know how to implement it the way that I needed. I implemented it the way I was being taught was not getting the results. And so now practicing a new understanding, practicing understanding what I'm doing to myself, this negative training that I've been practicing, I was able to stop it, I was able to shift it, I was able to reframe that thinking and change it, I was able to practice a new level of meditating instead of meditating on these terrible things and believing all these terrible things of who I was meditating on all these negative stories, freaking myself out into anxiety and panic, began to meditate on what I realized was true about me all that time, I began to meditate on AI to know these things, I began to meditate on how to meditate on these positive things.
I began to work in a new space, a new understanding about how we program our minds. And so I was able to make a change that I did not know how to do before that. And that's why I say don't beat yourself up if you don't know how to do something. What if I just sat there and just continued to beat myself up? Because I didn't know how to do it? Would I be here with you helping you making a difference for you? No, I would not, I would just be beating myself up. So give yourself permission to not know and then connect with me. So you can know. You can practice a lot allowing yourself to realize if you've hit depression, there's stuff going on that needs your attention. It's just there as an indicator. If you hit frustration, there's an emotion or all of them that you haven't taken care of that need your attention. If you're in one of these emotions, understand that they're all good. I like to use this analogy, right? The battery is the negative side bad and the positive side good. Or is it just a battery? Yeah, it's just a battery guys. You are just like that, that are your little energy flow. You've got a negative side and you've got a positive side.
Both of them are good. Both of them help you work and flow. So do not judge aside because doesn't have a little nipple on it. Don't judge your negative, just because it doesn't look and feel like the positive. Allow yourself to realize the negative is here to guide you. Just like the positive is here to guide you. Unfortunately, you've just been taught your whole life. Oh, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, let it go. Don't cry. Don't be angry. Angry is not good. Angry is not lady like, Oh, you're lonely. Oh, don't be lonely. Here, do this, do that stay busy. Oh, you're afraid, oh, you can't be afraid that's weak. Don't tell anyone you're afraid. What we've done with these emotions is damage people. We've created beliefs that are not true. And so you get to release them. Just take a deep breath with me. Oh, emotions are good. Oh, thank you. Thank you, thank you mind, thank you body, and Q emotions, thank you thoughts. I'm in control of my thoughts. I'm learning how to work them. I'm in control of my emotions, and learning how to work them and use them and listen to them. They are my God. Read that in, take another deep breath.
Feel that peace, live into that truth. Love yourself, you deserve it. Understand these emotions are good for you connect with me, I've got my freedom from negative thinking program to help you get all of these tools, apply them individually into your life, whether it's with your spouse, whether it's with your kids, whether it's with your job, or your career, whether it's within yourself, loving yourself, appreciating yourself giving yourself Self care that you need, getting that drive that you need as you're removing these negative things from your life, right. Until then, I love the concept from Mel Robbins, allow yourself if a negative thought comes up or a negative emotion comes up and you don't know how to deal with it. Allow yourself to instead think 54321 blast off and just jump into what it is you need to do. That's one way to create a little bit of a distractor from the negative emotion and negative thought from having it stop. That's not the fix. Not well. For some people, it is the fix for some people. That's all they need. And that clears. But for most people, including myself, that was not the fix it was just to help the practice, practice use these tools. These are real life tools.
Guys, these are what I share with my clients. These are what you would get in my session. This is one of the sessions. But we use this use this use this in every single session over and over and over. So you become aware of how to practice it. I'm not just giving you advice I'm offering to show you how to do it. Because advice with knowing how to do it is annoying. My opinion. All right, you guys, you take care of you know that you're loved. I'll see you next week. Let me know what you'd like to work on. Let me know what questions you have. And oh, I've got one other thing. And this is a shout out. Give me one second, I need to pull something up real quick. I promise to address this. This was a question that came up. And I want to make sure that I address it
is it not open here? Okay, there it is. One second. I'm just looking for it. Normally, I have these pulled up. So I apologize. I apologize to you, Mr. Jimmy. So that way you might have thought I wasn't going to answer your question. And his thought was to understand how to control his anger. And so I wanted to just address that one specifically, before we go. When anger comes up, it's there. Like I mentioned earlier, it's there to tell you that something is unjust and unfair. Now, I need specifics that would help so I can address it specifically. However, in a general way. It's to set boundaries, right? So if a person is saying, Hey, you did this, and you did that, and they're being mean, and they're being hostile, or maybe they're not being mean and hostile, maybe they're being just neutral, but they're saying hey, you didn't do this and you didn't do that. Or you're being like this or you're being like that. It's important that you can allow yourself to know you can say no, you can set boundaries, and if a person is making you feel bad or guilting you remember we talked about guilt.
Guilt is there to tell you if you've done something unfair or unjust to that person. That's the reminder, it's time to go to my pool yoga. If that's my self care piece. So when you see that those boundaries are need to be set with somebody, there's four ways that you can do it four steps, you can do it, you connect positively, by being able to say to them, I appreciate that you're here with me, or I appreciate your sharing this with me, or I appreciate whatever, or thank you for sharing with me what you're thinking, or I appreciate you or I love you, whatever is true, that positive statement. And then number two, you address the issue the behavior that they're saying or doing. So let's say they're saying you're doing something or let's say they're making you feel guilty, or whatever's going on, address it. Like when you say I shouldn't be able to say no. Number three, what you think and feel, I think you're incorrect. I think I do have every right to say no. And I feel angry, because that's totally unfair. I also feel sad that you would say that and affect our relationship like that. I feel and you can look at each emotion and see how you feel. And like I mentioned, if you want this, let me know, it's a bonus that I like to share. That's a freebie. And there's no, you don't have to share anything with me, you don't just share your email or anything unless you want to. And your email gets you updates from me monthly.
And so you're taking a look at that. And then once you share how you think and feel you're sharing what you need. So I need you to know when I say no, it's no, I need you to know that trying to make me feel guilty, or saying those things to have me feel guilty, that's not going to work, I need you to know that actually is going to cause a problem in our relationship. Now, these are my words, I want you to know you can use your own words, this isn't for you to be like, This is how Tammy says it. So I have to say it this way. These are just examples for you. And that's why I've said if you share with me specifics, like he said this, and I said this, this is how I felt, and this is what happened, then I can give you specifics on how to say it in your own words, because then you're letting me know how you speak when you told me how you said it. And you could tell me the tone you used. And so it helps me to be able to roleplay with you, and to be able to share how it is you might be coming across. So you might say all of those things, but you might see it with a face like this, and then no one's gonna hear you.
They're just gonna feel offended and hurt. Or you might be like, you know, whatever your like doesn't and you this and knew that and write like condescending and putting them down where they think might have been, they might have done it first. But if they don't hear themselves and realize how they're treating you, then they're not realizing what it is that you need. They're not realizing the problem. So take that on, try it on and shout out to Jimmy for that question group group go Jimmy, go Jimmy group group. Now what I do want to hear is how you take this and how you practice it. Because I know you had said that you want to work with your anger. And it's your anger is causing trouble in all these directions. But you feel like people are provoking it. So let me know how it works. And this will let me know what other tools and what other supports you need.
So you guys take care of you and know that you're loved. Please do share this information. There's so many people who do not know it. And they're never gonna learn it. It's not in their radar. It's not in their world. It's not even a question they're thinking to ask. So all you have to do is say, Hey, I saw this, I think it'd be so cool for you to see it too. That's it. Avoid conversations like, oh, you know how you have this problem? I think, you know, this could so help you fix that. If it's condescending, if you guys are really great friends, and you talk about stuff all the time, then it works out. But if you're not really great friends, and they're not looking for your advice, or your help, then just don't address it that way. I love this. I will share it with you two, I want to share with everybody and you're one of the people I want share with. Hey, you shared with me that this has been really bothering you. I saw something that could help. Would you like me to share it with you? Cool. And then you guys go watch it together.
Alright, so again, know that your loved know that you're amazing. Know that you're appreciated. And allow yourself to realize all of your emotions are good, both the positive and the negative. You just might not have had this opportunity to know these things and practice these things. And just because you know them does not mean you're going to automatically know how to go and practice. So don't be mean with yourself. If you're like, Oh, I know what to do. No, I don't I don't remember how to do it. Come I can watch this. Help yourself, learn it. Help yourself, practice it. And if you have questions, ask me. The only dumb question is the one you choose not to ask. Yeah. So bring it in all the way. Know that your love All right, darlings, you take care of you and I will see you next week Wednesday, and I'm also going live on clubhouse on Wednesday. So if you want an invite, myself and Miriam are going live, and we're just sharing our intention for the day and a Bible verse. So that way we can just see what our intentions are and even if you don't believe in the Bible, it's really just a space to uplift each other. So if you need that uplift, Be there or be square.
Bye guys. Oh, it looks like it's still live. Ha ha bye for real