7 Steps to Self-Forgiveness

Video Dated: Feb 27, 2022

All right. Good morning. Good morning. We are live. Hello, hello, how are you? I hope you've had a wonderful week. And today we are going to help you have a wonderful rest of your week. So why are we here? What are we doing?

Today we're going to be talking about forgiveness. And So forgiveness is important because we tend to think we're supposed to forgive and forget. And no, I can't do that. That means this person is going to get to take advantage of me and they're going to hurt me and they're going to, it doesn't mean any of that. So it's really important that you allow yourself to take a look and see what it really means. Forgiveness means that other people have done things and you get to let whatever you're holding on about that. Go back to them, you get to let them take responsibility for the way they've treated you or the way that they're behaving. That belongs to them. Not you, right? Yeah, you can agree with that. That's totally true. And then if there's something that you have done that you get to take care of, you don't have to carry that burden around with you the rest of your life that's so unhealthy. And that's often what people do. They think, well, I did this, I need to be punished, because that's what we've been taught growing up. It's about consequences. Well, you're gonna have your natural consequences in life once you've done something. So you do not need to beat yourself up.

You do not need to go through that punishment experience that we have as kids. And so sometimes people might say, well, I want to practice forgiveness, but I'm not sure how, how do I go about doing that? Tell me share with me. So what's super important is that you allow yourself to begin to see Oh, okay. So for self forgiveness, there's various steps that you can take. And these are also similar for forgiveness with others. So if you're taking a look at it, you can see my post from previously, you'll see that first of all, it's being able to take a look at, okay, I do feel remorseful, I do see that I've done something to somebody else. Now, there may be a situation where you haven't done anything, but you're holding that guilt anyway, that's something else. That's you using negative thinking to hurt yourself. And that's something you get to take care of that's, you need support for that, right. And that's what I do. I actually help people create mindset reset work. So basically, meaning any of that mind trash you've got going on in there that's beating the heck out of yourself. You gotta call your mind trash lady Hulu over here. And we got to get that mind trash out. So you're feeling relieved of it? That's another piece of taking a look at creating forgiveness, like, Hey, I don't need to hold on to this. I can release it. Yeah. Okay, I can feel free of that. That feels really good. Right? So if that's the problem, right from the beginning, make sure you realize, okay, I didn't do anything wrong. I am telling myself I did something wrong when I didn't.

So number one, acknowledging that remorse that you feel and see where it's coming from, is that really something that you need to clear up or not? Then you get to allow yourself to say, I do feel bad about what I did, or what I said. Or maybe, because I did my best and my best at that point wasn't good enough, because I didn't know better, right? So it's being able to go, Okay, I do feel bad, but not that you're a bad person, not a bad person. You're on a journey. You're learning. You're learning what to do. You're learning how to be, there's no rulebook, you're experiencing life, you're figuring it out. So give yourself room to breathe, you deserve that. Now, I'd love for you to comment below and share with me, how is this ringing true for you? What are some areas in your life where, yeah, I did feel guilty, and I shouldn't be I'm actually beating myself up for something, okay, I could see that. Or, okay, I do see where I totally did something and I need to clean it up. Go ahead and share. You don't have to share all of your details or anything like that, if you feel uncomfortable, share what you feel comfortable with. And I'll actually be able to give you some guidance, whether it's here live or you share it later on the replay, hashtag replay, or hashtag replay. And so that way, I'll come back and I'll address your questions. And I can even address them in next week. So if you don't see that I've addressed them here live, I'll address them for you next week, or I'll be able to address it with you directly. So please do post your comments, your challenges, your thoughts, even if you're like I don't believe that that doesn't make sense. Let me know that's okay.

All right, cool beans. So now as you're taking a look at this, you're also able to see what are some things that I can do to kind of clean it up. That's the next step. Now, you might not be able to say you're sorry. That's another area that you might need support for. There might be something going on on your subconscious that says if I say I'm sorry, that means I'm weak. If I say I'm sorry, that means they're gonna beat me up about it and they're gonna hold it against me. Now that might be true, but it also might be how you're presenting it with that person that you can actually be creating that. So take a look at it, see if that's what's going on. But it's important no matter what to clean it up, you spilled the milk. Oh, sorry, we got to clean that up. Right? Not like I'm a terrible person. Look what I did, I can't believe I did that I've wasted this, I've ruined that. beating yourself up right now we're removing that. Okay, this is what I did. This is how I'm going to clean it up. You know, do you mind helping me if it's a lot? Or, you know, hey, do you where's the tall, where's the rag, where's the paper job, whatever it is you need, you can ask for that support as well to help you clean it up. So that's an analogy. So to put this in a literal sense, being able to go to the person and set a boundary for yourself in them. And I go through a whole process of being able to do that. I've done it on previous recordings.

But if you would like to go over that yourself with a particular situation, then let me know, I do offer a breakthrough call that you would be able to answer questions and be able to get things like this address. So to kind of give you a run through now, you're able to go to the person and say, Hey, is now a good time to talk. I've, I really need to address something with you. It's nothing's bad, nothing's wrong, please, whenever you tell somebody, Hey, can we talk? Let them know nothing's wrong, let them know everything's okay. Because sometimes that could actually spur fear in people. And it makes the situation worse when you don't need to do that. So checking in with them, is really allowing yourself to be able to pay permission to talk versus hey, I want to talk to you and I'm just going right into it, they might not be ready. And so that could be another way to create a problem. So the idea is, hey, I want to clean something up, getting clear on whatever it was, you said, getting clear on what it was you did, and helping each other understand. So you share whatever it was you said? Or did you share what you thought and felt about it, going into how you felt, I really felt sad that I did that, or I really felt angry at myself for doing that I was very unfair to you, or whatever it is. And again, I'd be able to go with go over it with you to see what emotions were coming up for you and what it felt like.

And you might have been angry at them too. So when you before you go to talk to somebody, it's important to see was I angry at them because I was blaming them for something they didn't do or something I thought they did or all of this stuff I thought was unfair. That really wasn't and I was misconstruing it. And so then when you go to talk to the person, you're clear, it's not like all confusing, and they don't know what the heck you're even talking about. Make sense? If it doesn't make sense, let me know. Let me know what your questions are letting me know, okay, I'm thinking about that, I could see how that would work or I don't get it. Whatever it is, let me know because I want to help you actually implement this stuff. I'm not just putting it on here for like, you know, poops and giggles. I'm putting it on here for you to be able to see how you can implement this in your life. And if you look at the post, you'll also see that there's a little infographic and you can copy that infographic for yourself, and you can walk through those steps. Now, again, you may not know how to do it literally with the scenario you have going on. So we'll practice it together. Okay, so now, the other idea is to give yourself some permission to breathe. Right? Who's your biggest critic, you might say, Oh, my mom, my dad, my boss, people we allow into our lives and continue to be critical of us.

We allow people in who are a little bit less than we are. So if you have somebody in your life that's treating you a certain way, you get to take a look. And notice, how are you treating you? Are you saying, Well, I deserve it? Are you saying well, they're probably right. Are you saying oh, they're totally right. I already know that. And I actually think worse than that than they do. So take a look. Because if you have somebody like that in your life, then you're doing it worse than them. And you might go What am I under? So here's an example. Growing up, my mother was verbally, emotionally, and a little physically abusive. Now you're like, Yeah, but you were a kid. You had no choice? Yes. And no. My mother, you could say she probably said some things. I don't know, dozen times a week or more.

I took what she said, I recorded it. And I put it on replay all throughout the day. Now, not blaming myself because I didn't know better. I was doing the best that I could. And I thought the things I was replaying was actually her because it did sound like her. And those were her words. I was replaying them. I was hurting myself over and over and over and over and over and blaming my mom. I didn't know That's what I was doing. I thought it was real. I didn't know better. So I don't judge myself for doing it. But boy, the pain wasn't any less. I hurt myself over and over and over with those words. And I didn't need to. But I didn't know how to do it different. And so when you may have heard somebody say, or do or might even been a second ago, check, how many times have you replayed it already? Probably a lot. And our subconscious mind that boogers sharp, so smart, so fast. So we can play it millions of times in a short time. So notice where you might be practicing that for yourself and not in judgment, just in Oh, snap. I never thought about it like that. And it just wakes up a subconscious pattern that you are now aware of that you weren't before. And that is why I do this work. Because there's so much that's going on for us, that's at a subconscious level, that we're just not aware of it. It's not our fault, right? It's not your fault. You were not aware of it until just now. So how is it your fault, right? Just like that. So give yourself that permission to grow.

Give yourself that permission to realize, Hey, it's okay. Now I understand, now I can catch this, now I can make a difference. And also let yourself realize that you can't know how to do something immediately. You didn't learn how to eat right away, right? How long was it that you were sticking it up your nose and in your ears? Quite some time. So let yourself know that it's okay, if you don't get it right away. And it's okay if you need support. And that's why you can reach out to me, you see my number here 954-657-3407. I help with anxiety, I help with stress, I help with sadness, I help with grief, I help with loss, I help with any emotional experience that you're going through that you feel stuck with. I hope with any negative thinking or limiting beliefs that you feel like you're stuck with, or negative habits that you feel like you're stuck with. It's all changing the subconscious mind. It's all changing that pattern, that mindset, that neurological pathway that seems to be stuck this way, we get to go in and help you notice it. So you can go whoa, I didn't even realize I was on that path. I didn't even know I had that path. Cool. Now as you're aware, we can begin cleaning it up. Getting that out of there. And reframing or recreating a new way of thinking a new programming. You're just like a computer, your mind is so amazing. It's just like this mega computer. And it's like deleting the programming that wasn't working that was creating the glitch, cleaning it out and creating a new programming. That's all it is a new understanding a new way of thinking a new way of talking to yourself a new blueprint of steps, you're going to follow that politics. Yeah, you can do that right. Now, as you're going through that process, you're getting the support that you need. You're allowing yourself to be self compassionate with yourself.

You're allowing yourself to step into forgiveness of forgiveness that says, Okay, I'm going to set a boundary that says I'm not going to do that anymore. I've learned the lesson. I've cleaned it up. It's a clean space, I'm going to fill it in with something beautiful and pretty. And I'm gonna practice that instead. Yeah, you can do all of this. And I just went through each step. So I want to review it with you step one, you're acknowledging that remorse that you feel Step number two, you're telling yourself okay, this is just a feeling that I have. I'm not a bad person. You're not judging yourself and condemning yourself in punishing yourself? No, you're stopping that stop sign, octagon stop sign, right. Think of that stop sign. I'm not doing that. That was what I was taught growing up. That was what was needed to help me to learn or maybe not, maybe I could have learned another way. But that's what we knew. Now I realized life has its own natural consequences. I don't need to punish myself outside of that. I just need to clean things up. Number three. So you're cleaning it up. You're saying I'm sorry. You're expressing what was going on. You're allowing yourself to understand, and you're also reminding yourself that you're doing the best that you can number four, right? If you didn't know any better, how could you know to do better now that you know better now you can know to do better, right?

And like I said, make sure you get that support that you need so you can learn how to do these steps and learn from your mistake and learn how to step out of that criticism. And that's number five, number six, and number seven, so number five is getting the support. Number six is being that self compassionate and understanding so you can learn and grow and and allowing yourself to create that forgiveness with boundaries that says, oh, okay, I see what I did there, I realized how not to do it anymore. And I'm practicing the new way. So that way, it's real forgiveness and you get to live in it and stay in it. And if it belongs to somebody else, like they did it, and it's their problem, you release the anger and let that be there, as you release any guilt and let that be theirs. This wasn't yours, you're holding on to something that doesn't belong to you. And so in giving it back, you're no longer enabling that person. And you don't have to do it in a mean critical, nasty way. Either. I teach you how to set boundaries in a kind, loving, supportive way. So you're growing your relationship, you're actually helping somebody also learn and grow from their mistake without feeling condemned, and criticized and judged, they'll feel convicted of heart, like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. Let me change that, I see that they love me and care about me. And I wouldn't want to do that to them. They don't feel condemned and judged forever. So practice these things. This is your new blueprint to help you step into forgiveness.

And I'm going to be sending out a 21 day forgiveness resource that you're going to be able to practice. So take a look out for that, that's going to be out in the next couple of weeks to support you, and help you to continue practicing this for 21 days. Because as you do that, it's going to help you to be able to see how you can do it in your life. And I have also mentioned, if you're like I have specific instances that this isn't touching, then reach out to me. That's what I'm here for. Don't let yourself live in this any longer than you already have. Even if it just happened yesterday. Give yourself permission to step out of the judgment step out of the criticism, step out of the punishment. My dear You don't deserve that punishment. That's something that you learned growing up, and you don't deserve it. So you get to have that change. You get to have that freedom. Freedom from negative thinking, freedom from pain, freedom from judgment, for goodness, ah, breathe that in. You deserve that. All right, bring it in big squishy hugs. You take care of you know that your love to know that you're appreciated. Know that you can do this. And if you don't know how reach out hugs for health always. Like I said, know that your loved

You take care of you have a beautifully blessed day. Please do let me know any questions or challenges that you have. You can drop it in the comments. You can also message me on the any wherever you're at whichever platform this is you can message me I'll get back with you. Or you can reach me directly. You see my information right over here. 954-657-3407 my direct cell phone. You can text me if you don't reach me because I'm probably in session, but I'll get back to you. Your questions are important. Alright guys, take care of you and Ciao for now.