10 ways to reduce thanksgiving stress & revive your relationships

Video Dated: Nov 03, 2022

0:12  
Good morning. We are live three, two and one. Action. Hello, hello, hello. All right, if you can believe it, we are in November, and we are coming up at the end of 2022. It is time to really see where you're at, see where you're going moving forward, and help yourself have the best of the holidays as they're coming forward.

0:27  
No matter which holidays you celebrate. No matter if you celebrate Thanksgiving, or you don't you celebrate something like it, these tools and tips that I'm going to go over with you will still apply. So please take a look at them. Let me know if you have any questions. Let me know what really fits what it is that you're looking to create with your family, or what might be in the way. What I like to do on these lives here each week at 8:15 am Eastern time.

You can ask me questions beforehand, I'll answer the questions live. You can let me know, hey, when you're talking about this, this is what comes up for me and I'll address that for you. The idea of this is to really be in support of you. Just to kind of give you a little of who I am. My name is Tammy workman Lopez and I dealt with anxiety and stress and feeling not good enough, which stemmed from child abuse of various kinds growing up with my mom and dad.

From there, I ended up in foster care. And I began to see that there was another way to see things another way I could live another way I could understand. And once I turned 17, I started learning about deep personal development work from multiple intensive courses. I've been doing it my whole life. And I may not look like it. But I'm 45 Now I'll be 46 next month. And this is something I'm basically addicted to right?

I'm always learning always growing, always developing, and always taking myself to the next level. And my mission in the process is to share that with you. And so I have gone through so many things. And because of it, I've been able to see how to get out on the other side. I've learned so many different tools and techniques.

And then I also learned even knowing that I still was stuck. And then I began to learn how to retrain my thinking. And not just on a personal development level. But on a mindset level on a programming level, realizing all of what I thought I was stuck with was a program of its own, and that I was not really stuck. But I didn't know what I thought I was. And when you have a thought, which is like this fact, then it's just going to show up like fact, because that's what you believe our minds are so flipping powerful.

And so I didn't realize because I had those beliefs I was making them. True, I just didn't even question it. The same thing happens when I'm working with my clients or friends, or anybody for that matter the way the mind works unless we break that pattern of it believing what it thinks. And we don't realize we're in control of it. We don't realize we're the creator of it.

We don't realize how to stop and think about how we think until someone helps us to do that. It's not that you can't just that you don't know how yet, right? It's like saying, Oh, well, I don't know how to ride a bike. What if you've never had a bike? If you've never had a bike? How are you going to know how to ride a bike? So the idea is, once somebody shows you what a bike even is, once somebody shows you how to ride a bike, once you get that balance going, then you start to feel better.

The same thing works in your relationships. If you don't know how to have a healthy relationship, even starting with yourself, are you going to do it? It's not just going to happen. There's no osmosis as much as I've wished for every test I've ever taken. We have to allow ourselves to absorb it, learn it, see it, and practice it.

And everyone has a different personality and a different learning technique. And so it's important to be able to see, do I learn better through listening do I learn better through practicing, I learned better through hands-on I'm a kinesthetic learner. I'm also very much auditory and visual like I have to see it done. I'll read it. And I'm like, I don't quite get what that just said, and I'll read it over and over again.

And I'm still stuck in the same space. So the idea is to really give yourself the tools that you need. And that's what I do, that's why I'm here and today we're going to be taking a look at what are the 10 ways that you can reduce that Thanksgiving stress. And this can be used in any aspect, any event in your life, and how to revive those relationships. So these techniques will help you to revive those relationships.

And on top of that, you're also going to see that these techniques allow you to be able to see, okay, so there's more that I can do to create more levels of depth in my relationship. So for example, I have a client, a beautiful, beautiful woman. Actually, this can relate to a lot of my female clients, there are a few dads, but this is a big mum thing, I've got to put myself or I've got to put my kids first before myself, you know, I've got to, I've got to do what they need, I've got to meet their schedules, and I got to get them to school, and I got to get them with their homework, and I've got to get them to do this.

5:23  
And I don't want to put any of my pressure on them. I don't want to ask them to do things outside of what they're already doing. School is really hard. And all that's true, right? School is hard, they have a lot on them. But if a child does not know how to give back to you, and have empathy for you, if a child doesn't know how to do chores around the house, like wash dishes, and do laundry, and I'm not saying child-like five, right, although some kids I did, I learned all that stuff around that age.

But my mom taught it to me, so then it was mine to do, it wasn't something to do together. But if you're doing those things together, teaching them guiding them, showing them they're getting skills, they're getting empathy for another human being. They're understanding how they can help you as you're helping them. And by the way, I said this was more so women, but I have had fathers with this.

And they're looking on now at adult children going, why don't they seem to really care about me, because you didn't teach them to. For some children, empathy comes naturally, you know, it's really deep, but for other children, it has to be taught. And if it's not taught, you left them without it. And so it's important to be able to look at that not in judgment and blame, let that reach your heart. Because when I say it, it reaches mine.

No child should be without knowing who their parent is, because they kept themselves distant, I gotta worry about this, I gotta handle that. Don't worry about what I'm feeling. Don't worry about what I need, you just handle your life. Okay. And so that that misses out on that piece. And so what we're actually going to be doing with that in mind, we're going to be taking a look at these 10 steps. Hey there, Graham, good to see you.

Yes. Rethink, revive, rejoice, rejuvenate. So we're going to be taking a look at these and I'm going to share this with you. Now tomorrow, I'm going to offer this infographic an infographic is a graphic with information that you can see and help the subconscious mind, take a look at it like in a checklist. And I'm going to share this with you. Let me go ahead and share my screen there we go. All right, perfect. 

7:41  
So as we're going through this, I'd like for you to just pay attention to each one, you can look over them, and that's fine. But I want you to really pay attention to each one. It might seem like, oh, yeah, I could do that. That's fine. But I have many clients whom I showed this list, we have to really work on this list. Because they're like, Yeah, I'm not gonna do that, I'm not going to ask for help.

I'm not going to call ahead of time, I'm not going to set expectations, I'm not going to set a budget, I'm not going to. So it's important to take a look at where you might find yourself resisting some of these, and it might be all of them, and see why. And what comes up is your limiting belief. So for instance, if I can't ask for help, they're gonna judge me. Take a look at that. What is that about? Where do you believe they're going to judge you? Are they really going to judge you? Or are you taking an innocent person and using that innocent person as your judge?

That's important, right? So when you're asking each person to bring a dish, you might already do that. So that one could be easy for you. But if you don't, you might have it that you're weak. If you ask for help, you might have it that they're going to judge you if you ask for help. But if you let somebody know, like, hey, I really need help with this. It's taking a lot of time, it's taking a lot of effort, it's becoming more stressful, especially as we might have injuries, or we might find ourselves aging, or working a lot, or just different things right.

As we start to age, it might be harder to stand on your feet all day, it might be harder if there are limitations going on in your body. Same thing with injuries. Same thing if you have a different kind of job. Same thing if you had kids when you didn't before, lots of different things come into play that changes from the way we used to do things to the way we can do things. Now. If we let another person know this is really going to help. And if you find them giving you a hard time, by the way, I don't just do this work with individuals.

I also do this work with couples and families because sometimes we try to talk to a family member but we've had a certain relationship for such a long time. We don't know how to change it. And so even something as simple as a holiday conversation, I can help you to do that with them. This work is amazing in how with both people knowing how to actually communicate with each other learn, hear each other solutions are had calm communication is created. understanding and listening at different levels are automatically created. And not automatically like osmosis automatically, like you learn how to do it.

It's really beautiful. I've watched families come together with being able to practice this and being able to say to me, we haven't spoken like this in 30 years. And in some cases, I have a client, who was in her 50s, and her mom was in her 90s. And she said, I've never had a conversation like this with my mother before, where she was just able to see her as a regular human being versus this person who was rather rigid and tyrant identical to her all the time. Because she changed her perception, she changed her interaction, it changed the relationship, that you didn't think you'd be getting something so deep for Thanksgiving, right?

But it really does work, it really does make that difference. And you really do deserve it. All right, number two, the idea of being able to clarify ahead of time, and you're actually going to see that a few of these could relate together. So I'm going to actually talk about a couple of them off of order. So you're going to see where it's talking about the pre-call ahead of time for expectations. You can also take a look at the budget, when you're doing that that also helps in that regard. You can also look at the prerequisite of off-limit topics, right? So those actually can help. And then there's taking a look at what the family time goal would be.

Those are things that you can include in there. And then also, like if the family's feeling down, whoever that person is that you're talking to is feeling down or you're feeling down. And this is where you can kind of see, okay, let's do the opposite. What would that look like? In any of the burn-off activities, as well as the fun agendas? Those are things you can ask them. Hey, what do you think about this?

I want to include this in the program or in the agenda for thanksgiving. What's something you'd like to do for fun? What is some topic you'd like to do? And if they don't? No, go ahead. Do you guys google it together? Right? This is the budget that I have set, and I can't go around it.

And so I'm asking everybody to bring a dish, what dish would you like to bring? So we just sort of set up expectations right away? And that's where we're also clarifying those expectations. What would you like to have included today? What would you like to bring as far as your dish? What other dishes? Would you like, for us to ask? Whom do you know, does a really cool dish that I could ask them that

12:37  
instead of what I'm thinking? And so it has everybody on the same page with you? You're not doing it alone? Right? Okay, so I kind of broke those down really quick, and how they all come together. So let's just kind of walk through it. clarifying expectations on the pre-call. What would you like today to look like? What are your concerns? Who do you think might have an issue? Well, you know, Dad always brings up this about me, and I just don't want him to do it. Okay, cool. So when I talk to dad, I'm gonna let him know that that topic is off the table.

Right, we're not going to be talking about Julie's work or anything like that, because that really creates some stress, we could do that. You know, we could do that another time, just not for Thanksgiving. Right? So those are ways to be able to help create that. Or if it's a conversation that says, Julie, needs to have with dad, then you can help set expectations. Okay. Do you think you want to have that conversation with Dad ahead of time?

Totally, and then the conversation is already had. And if by chance he brings it up? Then she could say, oh, well, Dad, we already talked about that. You already know how that's going, and that we're going to address it tomorrow or the next time we talk. So it allows also for this way to redirect.

So like here, right? This feeling down? You already now know what to say. So it's going to have you feeling the opposite. You're going to feel in control when that situation comes up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we already talked about that. Just to remind you, sometimes, you know, folks do forget other times, folks are a little provocative and provoking of a situation.

And we can just curve it. Just like that note, we already talked about that. We're talking about that leader, or we already talked about that. So you know, we don't really need to address it now. Or you could just say, Oh, we already talked about that. Yeah, everything's fine. I'm working on it, or, you know, so you already feel prepared in that regard.

And so everything just feels really good. Everything feels really calm, really relaxed. You have already that pre-budget you've shared with everybody and you stick with it because you've already talked about it, you've already got the dishes coming in that are needed. If there's any additional thing you can ask, you know, in that conversation, you're talking to people you can say, Oh, could you can you bring the soda? Could you bring the plates because you bring the silverware with each person?

And so then it's on the list, and then we can also have like a backup, right? So you can have included in your budget, somebody that forgets something, or does it bring something right? Okay, and so then we're taking a look at the off-limit topics we talked about that little bit, but we can also allow ourselves to have a response. So, all right, we are now and we're gonna take a look at the next one. What's the intention? So speaking with everybody, what's your intention, do you want to create for Thanksgiving, I want to create fun, I want to create connection, I want to create love, I want to create togetherness, I want to create whatever their word is, write it down.

And then you could just have like, you could have a piece of paper if you want, right, just like a regular-sized piece of paper. but what would be even more fun as you just get, those poster board papers, right? And you can write on there everyone's intention, and you can put it up on the wall. Thanksgiving family intentions. And whenever anybody veers off, which is so many human people have emotions, people might get on topics, just hey, everybody, we're jumping right back on family intentions, family, the family goal is fun. The family goal is love family goal is no arguing whatever it is, right? And if we're not arguing, what are we relaxed, we're calm, we're supporting each other, everybody's feeling accepted to as you talk about those intentions, it helps everyone come back to that place of their subconscious mind of Oh, right. I've planted that, I've decided that that's what I want.

That's what I'm creating today. We're not getting into anything else outside of that intentions list. And so it creates expectations, it also creates this wonderful connection, that people are just like, I want to create that today, I want to have that with my family, I want to make sure that everybody feels that. And it might be new. And you might be like that sounds dumb, do it anyway. Because even the people that might be like, it doesn't matter. It plants, the seed it plants, the love it plants the intention, it creates that happening in the subconscious mind. So even if there's some resistance to it because they're not used to it, everyone is connecting to it, everyone is accepting it, and everyone is creating this environment. So even if it's not familiar, still feels real, really good. Okay, and so in doing that, that's easy to remove the off limited topics, right?

17:12  
Okay. So and that's how, if we're feeling down, we do the opposite. That's how all of these things help us to do the box, I don't like to just give advice, and I'll show you how. Right and then also to one of the things I wanted to share with you. And this is like a bonus off of the 10 is I want you to be able to see, you can do this practice with me. So I have a program, it's called revive your relationship.

And the idea is, this isn't just with relationships, this is within yourself. Intimacy is two levels, right? into you, I see. And into me, I see the deepest level of intimacy, helps you to speak up, helps you to have your voice helps you to be able to get connected, helps you to find that relationship, you want to find or find that connection, the relationship you already have. You deserve it, they deserve it. And if this is with your children or with your parents, you know, that's what you want for them.

And so this will help you to do it, right? And so I want you to know that this is something that I'm going to be starting again, I continue to run these groups for just small groups, intimate groups, you can learn what you need to, and it helps you to create that confidence. It helps you to establish that connection, it helps you to be able to speak up for yourself, it helps you to be able to learn how to listen, if the other person saying to you, you don't hear me, that's not what I said. Or if that's how you feel, it's vice versa, right?

It will also help you have your energy, your clarity. And in the process of that, you're going to be looking and feeling more relaxed and calm, you're going to be feeling more connected and more loving. You're going to be stepping out of places where you might be feeling blocked and fearful. And stepping into having those things doing them anyways, it's going to show up, whether it's with your health, whether it's with your relationships, whether it's with your business, whether it's with your career, and your boss or your employees.

It's going to show up in every direction because as you're working on yourself, you are a reflection of these things. So you'll see it in every way. And you might be like well how well there are different tools that we're going to practice, there's going to be aware that you're going to practice, there's going to be cutting ties to old things that have been holding you down old beliefs, old training, that you have old programs and beliefs. And I'll be able to break those down for you so you can see what they really are.

Because a lot of times we know what the problem is, right? We know we want these things. But instead of getting these things, we're creating more of a problem. And so this will be able to show you how to break it down step by step. You'll also get blueprints each week, which you're going to see here.

Now, everyone who joins the group, I'm helping you or you're helping me to decide if we're going to start on the 10th or the 17 because I've had some of the people who are enrolling things, I don't know, maybe the 17th. So that's in the discussion, it may be starting on the 17th instead of the 10. So, just so you know, if you're like, Oh, the 10th is too soon, then just know the 17th is still an option. Now, I just put this out here. So that way, you can see what you're going to have. And what you're, you'll see here, actually, this pricing here, this is going to be the pricing after Friday, but until Friday, you're going to be able to see that the pricing is the discounted early bird pricing.

So you can make sure that you jump on that. Now, as you're going through this, it's important for you to realize just like this couple here, I'm going to read it for you here, we would advise everyone to go through reviving your relationship, I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, or I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me to save my marriage. And that's Jackie and Dan. And that's just, that's just beautiful, right? And the way to do that is you just click over here, on intimate connection dot co (intimateconnection.co), you're gonna go to intimate connection dot co (intimateconnection.co), and you're going to just fill out an application really quickly, you're going to set up on my schedule, and we're going to set up an action plan for you and get you getting the success, get you getting that relationship, the communication, the listening, especially starting with you, you're looking for things out there, have them created in here first, and then you're going to draw it to you if you're looking for the perfect relationship.

21:53  
There isn't a perfect by the way, but you know, close enough to fits exactly what you want. Yeah, you can have that. Not if you're not that yourself, you're looking for it out here. And I can help you learn how to create it here. So that way, you're not blocked, you're not struggling with anxiety, you're not struggling with feeling not good enough, and you're not struggling with perfectionistic behaviors that keep you blocked and stuck. So I wanted to share with you that that is an option for you to help you do these steps and do these tasks before Thanksgiving even gets here.

So you don't have to feel like you're on your own doing these things. Okay. So this is actually a lot of fun to establish a fun agenda. And it doesn't have to look formal, right? It could be like, Oh, my gosh, what games are we going to have? And then you ask people, so are there any super fun games that you love playing with friends bring it. Now some of it might be a little inadequate.

So check first, they might have a fun name, then there might be some things that are just a little much. There are some games that are a little inadequate, but just pull out the inadequate cards. It's okay, right? You could still have fun with the game and not have the ones that are just like, whoa, that's too much to have with mom or dad or grandma here. You can also do like, the beanbag game or horseshoes are just different things, you could go for a walk, you could go to the mall, you know where you have to be an air conditioning, you could go for a walk, if it's going to be a nice, cool day.

So many things, you can think of in theory, you could pick a movie, right? And here's the thing, you can have two movies, and people get to pick. So between these two movies, what's going to work for you? And during that day, you could play those two movies, right? So it doesn't have to be one or the other. And you could just say, you know, at this time this movie is going to play, and at this time this movie is going to play.

That's it. So that doesn't have to be a lot of disagreements or arguing or anything like that. And you have a really good setup. So if people want to go sit, and watch TV, they can then, of course, there's the game. So you know, if the if your folks are game folks, then there's that no movies at all needed. So it gives you these things to think about.

So you're like, okay, there doesn't have to be any issues at all, we're going to be in here playing this game, they're going to be in there watching, watching the football game, and they're going to be outside playing this. So it's good. So it allows you to be able to have that or everybody's just going to go to the mall, and have a walk around the mall for an hour. And we're just gonna window shop or look at certain things and we're all gonna, you know, have lunch at the mall and have dinner at home, or have, you know, doesn't even have to eat at the mall. I'm just giving you ideas to think through.

So you could be like, Okay, that's a great idea. Right? Or if around you maybe the mall is not open, then it could be something else. So it always gives you some ideas to think about ahead of time. So you're feeling really good about what you're doing. And you can ask other people, I want to create a fun agenda of activities. What do you think are some things that we could do? Especially like what's open, what's not open? And then you guys, you can have these fun things to create for yourself.

25:01  
To do that, you deserve it. Even if you're like oh, this doesn't seem like a good idea. I've never done it before. You'll find as you're creating things to do to have fun, people have fun creating those fun things. Be careful if you get into perfectionism or if it has to look a certain way. Or if you didn't do it, then you're failing or you did badly.

And if anybody tries to do that, you clear it up. Not that's not our family goal, intention, or family goal, the intention is to have fun, not be judgmental, you know, not be argumentative or shifting off of that back onto this. I'm so glad that you're here. I'm so glad that you're taking this time to help you to see what you can do to relieve that stress because you deserve it. We already talked about the relaxation and downtime activities to implement those.

And then at the end, you just ask each person, each person, grab your plate and go out. Now if it's throw stuff away, that's fine. Grab your stuff, either it goes in the sink, you rinse it, or put it in the dishwasher, your stuff is not too difficult. And then if it's stuff that gets thrown away, we just make sure it gets thrown away in the trash bag not left anywhere, and it's done. And he drinks, pours the drinks out before they go in the trash.

Super simple. You just walk through that stuff. So that way it's done. You just say Hey, everybody, we were going to have a set rule, we're going to make sure and then you share that. And then you know, and if you see that your buddy next to you forgets, just remind them. That's it. And now everybody's going to support everybody.

So you're not left with a whole lot of work and a whole lot of stress and strain. Now, if everybody comes in does their dish, and does the cleaning, then there could be a second rule that says, hey, everybody who does your dish, if you can clean your dish, then that way it's going to help that there's not a lot for everybody. If there's if you'd let's just say you're the one who does everything, because you're just like, Nope, I want to do everything. It could be like, hey, everybody, what are the rules that we're going to do this time, as you're, you know, everybody's gonna clean their dish in the dishwasher. But if you can grab a pot, and just wash a pot, that will really help so much that there are not so many things left afterward.

And people want to help. They really do want to help and allow people to help you. And just one last story. I have a client whom doesn't let anyone help her. She doesn't allow anyone to ask how she's feeling. I'm fine. Why are you asking? The emotions are weak. Sharing that stuff is weak, gotta be strong.

But what she practiced, was thinking back where that came from. And when I had her take a look at that, she realized that came from her family. It came from her mom, her aunt, and her dad. And what came out of that, not really knowing them, not really having a connection, not really having skills to be able to do those things because they did it. And they did it out of love and compassion. It wasn't bad.

But they took from her this opportunity to grow and thrive and connect and support them. And to even know who they were and know what their stressors were and know how to be empathetic. All of that was taken away by their thinking they had to be so strong. And that as a kid that kids don't need to know that stuff. Well, when do you start becoming a kid?

By 17,18 Now what you don't know how to do laundry, I mean, you could do your own, but you don't know how to do the main stuff don't know how to cook, don't know how to do those things. And you look back and go Yeah, I don't even really know who they were, they just worked all the time. They never really shared their thoughts and their emotions, I never really had to care about that. Don't create because now without meaning to, you've just disabled them. And now they have to do all that learning on their own without your love without your support without your connection.

So doing these things will actually help create that. And if it's somebody who gets pushed back because they're not used to it, that's what was created. So just It's okay, you know, it's okay to not want to there's stuff I don't want to do all the time. But that's what we're gonna do this time, support each other, love each other, and help each other. I hope this has really helped you. And I want you to know that you don't have to do it alone.

That is why I do what I do. Because I had to do much of this alone. But when I ended up in foster care, I saw that people wanted to help me. People wanted me to allow them to teach me things. They didn't say, Oh, get away from me. Leave me alone. Stop bothering me.

30:00  
You're just a pain in the ass. You can say that. They wanted to teach me they wanted me to learn. They wanted to share their stories with me. They want to share their emotions with me. I got to be able to be in a real relationship to relate and connect.

Allow that for others. Allow that for yourself. And allow me to be that support for you. If you feel like you need additional support in there if anything that I've shared with you today rings true for you, and you'd like to work more on it, reach out to me, go ahead and go to that intimate connections dot SEO website, fill out the application, it takes not even five minutes, I've done it too.

So I know exactly how the time it takes and the questions and these, you'll see the testimonials from past clients. You'll also see that if this is you, it's not your picture yet I have to get the picture from you. These are just posted their stock pictures, but just fill out the application and then set up a time with me. We're gonna get that action plan set up for you. You're gonna be feeling good.

You're gonna be feeling relieved with every single person who talks to me after the fact from the first call. Since I finally feel some hope again. I finally feel like I can move forward. I finally feel like there are some answers. And I can begin to practice some real life hands-on answers. I look forward to hearing from you. I look forward to you having that for me in your life.

Practicing making it all right you guys, you have a beautifully blessed day. Let me know any questions you have about this. Let me know if you've tried it and it's not working. Anything that feels like a block. Any other area you want to share?

You're like Oh, add this to that. It'll be good. And I'll continue to share this with folks. These are tools in checklists that I share and create and I give these as freebies and as guides. For the mind you continue to retrain and reprogram itself, so we can add your ideas to all right you guys bring it in. Hmm. Big squishy hugs. And know that you're loved. Ciao for now. Bye guys.